Act 4, Scene 2: When things change

Hmm, the passing of a year, to some signifies a time to reflect on what they have achieved or forsaken in the past year. For me, it signifies changing the date on my watch. I don't particularly await the coming of a new year to apologise or make life-changing decisions. I believe that if I have said or done something that hurt someone, that I would have the guts to admit it at the point of time.

For me, 2008 has been a good year. It has taught me much about myself. And it has given me the opportunity to learn much from the people around me. 2008 was a journey in learning and I appreciate every lesson I had to go through to get to where I am today. I realise my flaws. And I appreciate that no matter how big they are, there are still some out there who are proud to call me their friend, brother and son.

2008 proved that I could go from a 3.05 GPA to a 3.91. It proved that when I got my head into the game, I could get an A+. And if I didn't, a C+.

2008 proved that I could be strong. To put others' interests before mine and to make sacrifices so that they can achieve their dreams.

2008 taught me to be strong when faced with adversity; to draw strength from those around me and to stand alone, when the need arises.

But the greatest lesson I learnt and the best gift I got, was Nur.

Yes...

She's back. And in the last few posts, she is the one who made me happy. I guess one of the lessons I learnt is how to be happy and I'm not ashamed to say that she is the reason why.

Many of my friends have disagreed with me and have made me question my choice, out loud. I appreciate their concern and patience, especially when it's evident my heart is broken. I remembered, during her birthday this year, when I was so ready to walk away that a few of my friends went above and beyond the call of duty to offer a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on, literally.

Another lesson she has taught me is that I will never regret having fallen in love with her. She's amazing as she is. But there is much she needs to learn about herself too. Every effort I made, I learnt never to expect a reward but to appreciate the time that I have with her.

Finally, the lesson she has taught me is to be happy for her. I was in denial for a long time when she decided to walk away. And I reflected on the things I had done to her. Maybe it was my fault I was pushing so hard; and it was my fault I was not putting in any effort for the things I should. But I realised, I hadn't given her much of a reason to stay and instead of being bitter about her leaving, I should learn to be happy that she is happy. And I was...

2009 is a new year and a fresh beginning for most of us. But for me, I am thankful I'm in love with the most beautiful person in the world - both inside and out. And that maybe, this is the year when things change. =)

Act 4, Scene 1: Nothing can feel, as sweet and as real...

I'm sitting here wondering how I might start writing this entry.

I had a great day today. I just wished I didn't feel so bad after it. Cos the moment you left, I felt so alone again.

I had a lot of fun. Much more fun than I've ever had going out with anyone else. I think you know that.

I liked how you played along to my joke about driving; to the point of starting the engine. I would have let you drive if you felt like it.

I liked how you stood in the water; and tried to avoid getting your pants wet - all the while shrieking.

I liked how you wrote that question mark in the sand; it gives me hope.

All these small things which made me smile. Which is something I haven't felt, genuinely in a long time. I don't care what people say, I still think you're my best friend.

And like Mr Mraz once sang, I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend. =)

Act 3, Scene 9: I'm not gonna waste these words...

I guess there isn't much to blog about nowadays. We're into December now and my mum's leaving for the Haj tomorrow. Dad didn't get to go so we're not so bad.

Just really looking forward to pay day I guess. Don't think there's much difference in my bonus this year as mine was pro-rated last year and I only got about 2.6 months. So this year, I'll be getting around 2.5. Been putting off buying alot of stuff because I had to finance my parents' Haj trip and also servicing for the car so this is gonna be repatriation. =)

Hmm, funnily, I don't really feel very happy nowadays. Honestly, I feel very confused. I don't wanna fall into the situation of being in love with someone who isn't in love with me again. I guess after Princess, I had learnt that much. So I've been putting off saying or even displaying my feelings to those I'm going out with now. I mean I do have fun and all but I don't feel the urge for a relationship anymore.

We had a discussion through sms. She isn't ready for anything and her way of dealing with it is to not think about it. Granted, she has every right to do so and I don't see any reason I should feel upset about it. But when someone keeps quiet and doesn't reply, what am I supposed to feel or think? That's what's eating me... =(

So today I plugged in my headphones and listened to The Academy Is' 'About a girl'. I guess listening to overdriven riffs helps block out the stupidity I'm feeling right now. But it can only last so long before I drive myself insane.

Act 3, Scene 8: Solitude

All my life, my decisions have been made with your consultations. And all my life, I believed it was the right thing to do. But that does not mean I have not looked back and wondered what life would have been like if I did not make some of those decisions.

I can name a few where if I had gone against your word, life would have been very different. Of course, in such a biased view, I would have expected it to turn out for the best. But things rarely do and being who I am, I will learn. That's the problem. You never allowed me to experience pain and hardship because you coddled me. Yes, it's for the best but sometimes I wish I had learnt something.

Now I am at a crossroad in my life. And she's someone I am keeping my options open on. We are friends. Why couldn't, and shouldn't we be more? Because she's another statistic?

I wish sometimes you'd just let go of your pride and let me live the way I want. For 23 years, I've given you all that I can, mostly without questions. Why can't you be happy and pray for the best for my decisions. Yes, she carries alot of baggage, but wouldn't it be great if I can help her carry it for the rest of our lives together?

For 23 years, I have displayed a level-headedness beyond my age. What makes you think I haven't thought this through? But like I've said, I'm not in love. We're just friends. Which makes what happened in the car earlier that much more difficult for me to understand.

Why were you freaking out and screaming that you do not want me to keep seeing her? What wrong has she ever done to you? In any case, what wrong have I done to you, in relation to her? Haven't I fulfilled my role as a son? Why can't you be happy for me for once and to stop and think that this is what is best for me?

In any case, any girl I've told you about was never good enough for you. And maybe subconsciously, you've been praying that I never meet one that is. I know that is thinking the worst of you, but aren't you doing the same to me and her?

Now, you've closed the door. And all the goodness I've felt before has gone away. What am I supposed to do now?

What can I do now...

Act 3, Scene 7: Right now

Mum's having menopause again so I'm holing up in my room trying to block out all the hurtful words. I dunno why but everytime she goes through her menopausal episodes, she takes out her anger on me. Anyway, I honestly believe we don't have a good relationship anymore. And it's not like I don't try. =(

I had a very nice week though. But it's left me confused. And I don't really like what I'm starting to feel. So I need to make a decision soon.

For the past week, we've been seeing each other almost every day. Most times, I'd send her to work and we'll have the few minutes when we'd talk. We've also had dinner on Tuesday and supper on Wednesday. But on Thursday, she had gone to a concert with a friend. And I dunno why but I felt a tinge of jealousy. Just a tinge but I hate that feeling. Why? Because she's not my girlfriend; so why do I feel that way?

Over the past 2 days, we've not been talking much. She had lots of things on yesterday and I was out till early in the morning anyway. But I realised that maybe she did not wanna talk and I felt crappy again.. =(

And today she told me she'd made plans with another guy friend and again that tinge of jealousy.

I guess the problem is me. I've a huge inferiority complex and seeing her out with other guys, no matter how much I try to suppress it, I feel crappy. But I haven't told her so far. I just hope I won't have to because I know how much of a fool I would look like if I did. And anyway I'd scare her away..

So what am I supposed to do now?

I'm not in love... I wish I could just believe that myself...

Act 3, Scene 6: Master class in Defensive Driving

Ok. Lesson commencing.

I was driving along Yishun Ave 2 today after sending my mum to work, when I encountered a road bully. Now, those of you who know me personally will know that sometimes I am a road bully myself; but not in the manner normally associated with them. For one, I only use my skills to humiliate other drivers; not to hurt them. So all they leave with is a bruised pride and nothing else.

So anyway, in front of me was a maroon Toyota Corolla. We were driving in front of the sports complex, near where the speed camera is located. As you can tell, the speed limit in the area is 60 km/h. He was driving along at 40 km/h. At first I gave him the benefit of the doubt and just drove behind him. But after having to endure 1 full minute of his slow driving, I glanced into his car. Windows untinted, I could clearly see him bending over the dashboard as he tried to hide and use his cell phone. At this point, there was a clear 30m between him and the vehicle in front. To warn him that he was holding up traffic, I sounded my horn for about 3 seconds. The shock of it jolted him out of using his phone but he suddenly turned aggressive. He braked suddenly in front of me (how do I know? Because he had a clear 30 m from the vehicle in front, remember?). Seeing that he was turning malicious, I switched lanes to the right. This is the first step in defensive driving: take yourself out of the fight. As I was switching lanes, he tried to brake suddenly in front of me again, but I managed to avoid him. Second rule of defensive driving: Always protect yourself and your car first. Do whatever is necessary to avoid a collision. So when he did that, I instinctively put up my finger. You know which finger so don't ask.

So he got more agitated that I had just fingered off his manouvere and he caught up on my left. He then suddenly swerved into my lane. Again, I countered his manouvere by switching back to the left. Again, I fingered him for trying that manouvere. But this is where I made the mistake. Instead of permanently ending the fight, I moved back into his lane, forward of him. DO NOT FOLLOW MY LEAD. Once you get the first opportunity, take yourself out of the fight. Third rule of defensive driving: Always ensure that your opponent is ahead of you, AT ALL TIMES. Why? Because when the aggressor is ahead, you are in control. You make the rules and control the game. It's a bit like follow the leader. And if the leader is behind, the car in front is the loser.

So now I was in a position of less power. He had control. He could follow me wherever I went; for as long as he wanted. Now I had to make a decision. I was on my way to fetch someone. If I stuck to my route, I would be leading him straight to the place and the fight will take place outside of the car. So I made the decision to take him AWAY from my destination. Fourth rule of defensive driving: When being tailed, do not proceed to your destination. Look for places which can help you; a crowded place like a market or foodcourt or if you know the area well enough, a police post. So now, if I turned left to my destination, he would surely follow me. I was at the junction of the swimming pool in Yishun. I decided to turn right. If the fight turned ugly, I could head to the police post beside Nur's house for help. So I turned right with him on my tail. I knew I had to let him pass before I could make my move. Fifth rule of defensive driving: Always know your route and your next few moves. Think them through in your mind and prepare for them well. So we turned right and headed to SAFRA. I knew that if I sped, he could easily catch up due to the traffic lights. So I went slow. Sixth rule of defensive driving: Go slow. Usually they will give up. I knew that if I went slow enough, he will sooner or later come up next to me to overtake and try his braking manouvere or try and stare at me. So I just looked straight. I had a number of traffic lights I could make my move. My plan? Fool him into thinking I am going straight and at the last possible moment, turn right or make a U-turn. Seventh rule: Always ensure safety first; for yourself and other road users. Usually the defensive manouveres you are going to take are illegal but ensure safety. Why not turn left, you say? Because left turns are easier to make. That's why they teach that first in your driving lessons. When you turn left, there is usually no other vehicles turning with you and it can easily be followed. Turning right requires you to judge approaching vehicles and turning radii. Also, for the oppressor on the left to turn right, he will have to contend with vehicles behind me.

So I went slow. And true enough, he began to overtake me. He had pulled up alongside me but I was focused on only one thing - making my move. We came up to the junction of Yishun park. I saw the road ahead was clear. Oppressor to my left at speed. Last possible moment.. wait for it...wait for it... BRAKE! TURN STEERING WHEEL!

And he overshot. Boy was he shocked. He actually jammed on his brakes too but he was too far forward that he could not turn right safely. So there he was, stranded in the middle of the junction, not knowing what to do. So he drove off and I quickly drove off in the other direction. It's not really over once you have completed this manouvere. Sometimes, the aggressor will still chase after you at the next traffic light. Eighth rule: This is what you do: Make as many turns as you travel away from the point where you turned. Turn into carparks, turn right and left at junctions. So that even if he makes a U-turn ahead, he will not be able to trace you anymore.

So there you have it. Remember the rules of defensive driving:
1) Always take yourself out of the fight
2) Protect yourself and your vehicle first
3) Always ensure your opponent is ahead of you
4) When being tailed, do not proceed to your destination
5) Always know your route and plan your next few moves
6) Go slow
7) Safety first when making manouveres
8) Evade by making your escape route untraceable

Of course, we all have different styles of driving. If you must, do not EVER stop your vehicle when confronted. For lady drivers, if you are in trouble, call for help. If you have been forced to stop, lock all the doors and stay in the car. If he exits his car and comes at you, wait until he is out of his car and then speed off. Evade as soon as possible.

I guess we can't all expect people to be civil all the time. Maybe it was my fault that I fingered him too but he was definitely putting my life and safety at risk. I am glad and thankful I had gotten out of there unscathed. And I am proud that I handled it with a calculated mind and steady skill. =)

Who was I fetching, you ask? =)

Act 3, Scene 5: Planks and pylons

I've been waiting for this day ever since I signed up for bike lessons. And it finally came. Haha.

I usually go for the early morning lessons now since it tends to rain in the afternoon and even if it doesn't, the scorching weather is enough to put me off. So there I was, bright and early. I had read up on the lesson requirements plus watched countless other students go through it.

So there I was, bike in front of the plank, all ready and raring to go. 'Release the clutch, throttle up...steady.'

And.....

I missed the plank.

Second time...

Same thing happened.

And I was so pissed with myself. I was letting my kan cheong side show. Everytime I aimed for the plank, I couldn't get up. It just seemed so small.

But the instructor today was really nice. He was encouraging and never once did he use his loudspeaker. I was impressed. He knew exactly what went wrong with our techniques and kept giving us motivational words and tips.

So soon, I got the hang of it. Went halfway across the plank.. then all the way, but too quick.

And finally, I clinched it. Body relaxed and straight, eyes front, only arms moving. And I did it. Haha.

Pylons were a different story altogether. I seemed to excel at the exercise. Haha. I was breezing through the course and never once did I touch the cones. Was really proud of myself then. Even became a demonstrator for once. Haha.

So the instructor changed the course a little. Moved the cones to a staggered pattern, that meant much more distance between the cones but less distance to manouvere in. And guess how long it took me to complete that course... 2 freaking seconds from crossing the line. Haha. See... I knew all those kuda gila manouveres I did when I was younger is gonna pay off one day.

But I dunno if she had anything to do with it. =)

We had dinner yesterday. So I picked her up from work and she wasn't feeling too great cos something was on her mind. So I asked her if she wanted to have dinner. And off we went to Jalan Kayu since its close to her place.

Haha. I have to say that eating with her is nice because she doesn't really mind how much she's eating. She has a voracious appetite (hard to believe looking at her figure). And the conversation is even better. Haha. It's refreshing to have someone so expressive and willing to initiate a conversation, instead of me always doing it.

And we talked a lot. I watched families come and leave before we did and all the while, she was talking. =)

But I dunno..

Act 3, Scene 4: I'm not in love...

One song, about a girl.

Can't breathe, when I'm around her.

=)

But I'm not in love... Not for now...

Not yet...

Still picking up the pieces.

So I am not gonna waste these words, about a girl.

But when it is her song, it won't be wasted. Trust me.

=)

Act 3, Scene 3: Run baby run

I dreamt about you last night...

And you smiled.

And we looked happy.

=|

Act 3, Scene 2: Walking the fire

This has been a long time coming.

I did not say alot about the failed friendship this time around because of a number of factors. I know this reaction of mine is vastly different from what I have always done before but learning from those experiences made me realise that maybe some things are better left unsaid.

But I decide that I need to explain myself. So here goes. I'm not trying to change your mind or anything. I just want to be honest.

Ning told me about what you told her. Not anything new. Just that things are difficult for you right now and that you need your own time and space. I guess it was more effective coming from her because she wasn't being hostile. And so, I've decided to give you as much time as you need.

I know things have been tough for you. You do have alot on your plate and at that time, I didn't realise how much I was adding on to it. We are beyond apologies because I've sincerely apologised for everything. School's coming to a close and although I'm utterly morose at the thought of never seeing your smile for another 2 months, I have to say that I'm glad it is going to give you some time to recover.

I still worry about you. I know I'm not supposed to. But I still think of when I don't see you online and I guess you're out and how you're going to take a cab home. And I know that you'll be in pain after a long and tiring day. And I worry.

I made alot of mistakes in our friendship. I guess I shouldn't have rushed things but I was so caught up in you and how much you made me happy, I was being impatient. I realise now that you made some efforts to accomodate that and I appreciate it.

If you looked through my blog, you would have realised that I had blogged a fair number of times this year. Except for a blip in July. That was when I had to let go of someone I truly loved. And it was so painful for me that I cried myself to sleep those nights. But slowly and surely, I learnt to let go. Around August was when we first began having classes together.

Initially I was afraid of your no-nonsense style. But as the days passed and August became September, I grew to like you. At first, I was afraid to let it be known. I grappled with the thought of telling you, seeing how we still had classes. I struggled to stop myself from admiring you in class. Why did you think I started sitting behind you after a while? So you wouldn't catch me looking at you.

I was still reeling and picking up the pieces when we stayed up all night talking about our crushes. I loved how natural we were with each other and how comfortable you were talking to me about your problems. And with every reply, I was fighting against my own emotions in deciding whether or not I could tell you. I knew the results would be negative but somehow, I knew I had to try. You apologised and we were ok. Until we had that little misunderstanding and argument in class.

But soon, you told me you had started to like me. And I was happy. Honestly, I was. And for that night, all those memories of crying myself to sleep seemed so far away. You made me feel happy and confident again. You made me feel like I could just be myself. And I started to like you even more.

I loved picking you up from home and fetching you from your outings. Because that meant I got to spend time with you. Even if it was a 5 minute drive, I'd still make the journey, knowing that out of a 24-hour day, 5 minutes would be spent in your company. And I had hoped that I could be the one who would make things easier for you.

But I screwed it all up with my impatience; and soon, I drove you away. And my whole world came crashing down around me. And I was left kicking myself in the ass for losing such a great girl. Cos by that point in time, you had meant that much to me.

Those days of seeking your forgiveness made it worse. And I just couldn't stop myself from making the same mistakes.

Now, I'm doing better. Honestly, the other day in the library was the happiest I have been in 4 weeks. Although we didn't speak, I just loved seeing you again. But if you had been able to hear my heart, you would have heard it beating like crazy. Beads of sweat kept forming on my forehead and I asked myself why.

And it soon occurred to me.

I had fallen for you.

In all my efforts to prevent myself from being involved again, I had let myself fall for you. But I felt that it was the right thing to do. Because I felt you were worth it. Honestly, regardless of what others have told you, I still think you're an amazing girl.

I hope you don't think I'm sounding possessive or desperate. Maybe a little pathetic... But the bottom line is, I still like you a lot. And it doesn't matter to me if it takes you 5 days or 5 months; if there was even a glimmer of hope for us, I would wait. I'm prepared to help you through everything; as a friend first. And I don't believe in emotional baggage. Whatever's happened in the past is not something for me to pick on because you were not a part of my life back then. I have my secrets too...

So... I guess that's it. Please don't feel stressed out by this. If you must, just treat this as an emotional ranting of a love-sick fool. Like this:

"Give me your secrets;
Bring me a sign.
Give me a reason,
To walk the fire."

Cos I would.
Do take care, babe.

Act 3, Scene 1: Pineapple Cream Cheese Pie

Today in class, I heard an audio recording of a little girl reading a short passage on her grandmother's clogs. She had a problem with the '-s' endings and all the words containing them became '-s'-less. E.g. Clogs became clog, grandmother's became grandmother and so on and so forth.

So I was having dinner at LJS earlier and had gotten myself the thus-titled dessert. And I turned to the two ladies next to me and said, 'I wonder what would happen if that girl had grown up and was ordering what I'm having.'

"Umm... Oh, could I also get a Pineapple Cream CHEE PIE?" o_O Haha... (You know what I'm talking about)

So anyway, there's the super dumb DSE presentation tomorrow. Been really stressed out over it for the past few weeks. Been eating to stave off the stress. And as a result, I've put on weight. Alot of weight... So I'm gonna have to work it all off after next week. Stupid last weeks of school...

Also, I tried doing my military presses last night. I think I'm getting a relapse of my SDH cos it's really starting to hurt. I only did one set of 20 reps. So... I'm not really too happy about this. Was wondering if I needed to return to the pool for my workouts.

Oh well.. Let's let the stupid week pass us by and I can concentrate on the more important things in life. Like finishing up my bike lessons and finally planning for that trip. Hai.. hope things work out.

Act 2, Scene 6: If God is with me...

I've been feeling very fatigued lately. I don't know if it's the stress of stuff but the past week has been pretty easy going. But I really don't know. Between trying to keep my head above the water and getting my assignments done, I feel like giving up already.

I always thought my English was better than my Math. After all, my grades in school seemed to prove that point beautifully. But now that I am in NIE, it seems that the converse is true. Maybe it's like what my mentor once told me, 'If you had to do an English test, you would score perfectly. But you can't explain why or how you did it. You just do it.' Because, I am really lost in where I am supposed to be in English. And I am really so unmotivated to find myself that I am really harbouring thoughts of giving up.

Anyway, for the second Math test on Geometry, I got 42/50. That's 84%; a slight improvement on the 83.3% I got on the last test. I'd say that's pretty good considering I studied for all of 3 minutes running from the library to the classroomm where I was supposed to take the test. Yes... I am praising myself. =P Go f*ck yourself if you don't believe in such things.

Where am I on this whole 'you' thing?

Well, I'll be honest and admit that I've been watching things from afar. But with no malicious intent. More like with cautious apprehension. I know she's going through a tough time, and even though I don't fully understand what's going on, I still want to help. But wanting something for somebody and being wanted are two different things. Yesterday, I caved in and wished her well because that was the least I could do. And this morning, I read her blog. She's sick; friends seem to be giving her problems; her words seem so defeatist. And all I could think of was how much I wanted to help and support her. But.. my hands are tied.

And her best friend told her that somebody likes her.

I hope I can be happy for her.

I hope I can be happy too.

Act 2, Scene 5: And I thought you really liked me...

Was driving today in the torrential storm, when this annoying little tune started playing on the radio.

"I had a dream we went away;
left this city for a day.
You took me southwards on a plane,
and showed me Spain or somewhere.
But in reality you're
not so keen to show me anything;
and I thought you liked me."

And I thought about her. I guess I did make things really bad for you but I still don't believe I should have been punished the way I did. Because when the second verse started playing, it summed up what I had wanted to tell you:

"So what you gonna to do with all this stuff,
piling up, filling up, taking up. (my little ....)
You misunderstand me.
All I wanted was some evidence,
that you really liked me."

I really want to talk to you. Not so much to convince you anymore. But just so I could clear things up. But I don't think I will be extended the dis-pleasure. So I don't know what to do anymore. I have so many questions left unanswered and so much I have to say but you won't listen any more.

I see you in school. The reason why you don't is because when I do, I turn and walk the farther way. Why? Not because I hate you. But because you told me not to make my presence felt. I yearn to come up and say hello and smile to you but I know I can't. And it kills me inside.

But I still see you smile. And that's probably enough. Knowing you're happy with your friends and your thoughts. And maybe moving on means being happy seeing you that way. I can't help but wonder if I could have been the one who gave you a reason to smile.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I resumed my bike practicals last week. Been riding in the rain for the past 3 lessons. Its fun when the rain is really beating down on you and all you hear is the droning of the raindrops on your helmet. Helps block out everything else that is happening around you. Was drenched the first time cos of the rain but underneath the raincoat it was warm and toasty so it wasn't so bad.

Second lesson wasn't that bad. It stopped raining after a while so we took off our raincoats but had to put them back on as soon as we got on the bikes.

But the third nearly killed me - literally. It was raining before I got there so they told us to put on our raincoats. We always have to wear long sleeved shirts and pants for our practicals. So underneath our raincoats, we were fully covered already. But by the time the lesson began, the rain had stopped and it was only slightly drizzling. We kept our raincoats on. Then the sun came out; warming up the circuit. Water evaporated making the air thick and heavy. The bike engines were hot after half a day of running; it made the air thicker and heavier. Covered from head-to-toe, it felt like I was in a sauna. Concentration went to hell. I couldn't be bothered. Had some kid in front of me who refused to turn even when he had a good 10 seconds clearance just because he saw some freaking car. I had to put my bike in neutral just so I could release the cramp in my hand.

Near the end of the lesson, it got worse. I was feeling light-headed and my heartbeat rate got faster. My body was warm. I could feel my core body temperature at a high and it felt as if somebody had put coals into my rain coat. I was perspiring and the sweat evaporated in the raincoat turning it into a sauna. I was losing concentration fast and I knew that at some point, I was going to collapse. I was getting a heat stroke.

Relief didn't come soon enough. As soon as I got off the bike, my legs felt as if I had lead boots on. I was leaning the bike against my body; using purely my body weight to keep it up as I was pushing it back to the bike park. I took off my gloves. Touched my helmet strap. It was soaked. There was even beads of perspiration streaming off of it. Walked as quickly as I could to the raincoat stands and proceeded to take off my raincoat. Result?

Coat: Soaked thoroughly. Whole inner lining slick with perspiration.
Pants: Soaked.

Touched my shirt. Soaked. EVERY INCH of it. And it didn't rain so that meant every bit of the water was from perspiration itself.

Jeans. Soaked all the way through. Front and back.

The moment the instructor gave us water, I drank the whole bottle. I didn't hear a single word he said. All I could think about was, 'I need to bring my core temperature down before I DO get a stroke'.

He let us off. I took off. Went to the water cooler. Refilled my bottle. Went to the carpark. Soaked my towel with water. Washed my head with the cold water. Only then could I think clearly. Kept the towel on my head and got into the car and blasted the aircon. Sweat on my clothes immediately cooled me down and helped bring my temperature down. Rehydrated with more water and isotonic drinks.

So that was my brush with heat-stroke. I didn't tell anybody about it but I knew I was in alot of trouble.

Today, I had a funny encounter in the carpark of BBDC. Well, funny for me cos the idiot should have been pissed. It was raining heavily. I had gone to BBDC to top up my stored value. Was at the carpark but it was full so I just drove round and round the carpark. I saw this lady walking to her car. So I trailed her. But when she got to a car, some other car was waiting there. I didnt think he had waited especially for her cos he had been there when I did my rounds. But the moment he saw her, he reversed his car towards her. It was near a bend. I wanted to turn right so I could position myself for a reverse parking. But the fella had other ideas. So he purposely blocked me so I couldn't. So I reversed and overtook him. Luckily for me, in his passion in focusing on reversing to block me, he hadn't seen another car pull out of the lot in fron of him. So now that I was ahead of him, I just quickly drove in and parked. Haha. And when I got out of my car to walk to the building, the lady whose car we thought had wanted to exit, was walking back to the building as well. Apparently she had gone to her car just to get something. Haha..so the idiot now had no lots. And I laughed my ass off as I walked. Amateur...

Act 2, Scene 4: Crush

When things don't go as planned and I have to make the move to leave, I usually do so feeling like I have done my best and hoping that I did not compromise my principles in my pursuit. That being said, I usually wish the other party the best in everything while still keeping the channel open should we realise otherwise in future. Also, I stress my insistence on being friends.

I am never malicious in such partings, no matter how much it kills me inside to walk away, knowing I still have feelings for that someone. I don't wish them bad luck or pray that they will regret walking away. On the contrary, I've always their best intentions in mind.

That being said, I have your best intentions in mind. I know it's hard for you to accept that I'm dealing with this not in the manner that I am supposed to; but I just don't want you to hate me more than what I've already caused. That's why I wished you the best. And that's why I advised you against him. Yes, you have every right to want what you think is best for you; but as a friend, I wouldn't want you to get hurt. But know this, I will not stand in your way. I will always be here, though, should you ever need me.

I understand how you feel right now because you're not the first. But I respect your decision and I understand your need for a space. You do not need me in your life, girl. But I just hope you know that you're still a big part of mine.

Sorry.

Act 2, Scene 3: It's over

=(

Act 2, Scene 2: The Hanging Men

I saw you today... and honestly I didn't know how to react. I wanted to say hello but I thought about what you said about you needing your space. So I didn't do anything... and it killed me inside.

I can't stop apologising because I dunno what else I could say to make it better. I don't think not saying will make anything better but may be it will. I know you're still upset and I understand. Please understand too that I'm trying. And make some allowances for the things I say or do because all I ever wish for you is the best.

It's hard when you wish the best for someone but they keep thinking you're just being intrusive. Because its happened before... I know how it feels and frankly...

... maybe its better if I walk away now. Cos I really don't need another heartbreak?

Act 2, Scene 1: Mistakes, I've my share...

To: You,

I wouldn't know how else I was going to tell you this. Especially when you won't speak to me. So I thought I'd put it here instead.

I was never in it for the short haul. In fact, I saw a lot of the things I liked in you. Your shy smile; disbelieving giggle; right down to how you forced yourself to stay awake just because I was driving. And as the days passed by, I felt that I was growing fonder of you.

I admit, I was being too pushy and it made you feel constricted and stressed-out. With this period of unending assignments and relatives coming over to visit, I knew I was making it worse. But I didn't realise it quick enough. And pretty soon, I pushed you away.

I know its hard for you to like me. Maybe the real reason hasn't surfaced between us... The night you told me you did, was the best night of my year so far.

It's hard for me to explain how I feel about you now. Because on the one hand, I would want you to know how much joy you had brought me. And on the other, I'm wary that if I did, it would scare you away. Rest assured, you mean a lot to me; as a friend first. And that's why it's killing me that you're so mad at me.

I'm sorry I was moving too fast. And I'm sorry I upset you. I would like to ask for a second chance; for me to put into practice what I have learnt from my stupidity and to prove to you that you deserve more than what you expect.

So please,girl...?

Act 1, Scene 7: Corner and cardboards

Hari Raya Eve...

Time's now 1045...lesson's at 130. Hai...everyone is either having half-days or not working at all and I've to stay till 430. Whine...

I'm supposed to be doing my DCM assignement now. But am so bored so I just thought I might just blog before I get started. Plus I've got like 2 hours to get it done. Hmm, maybe I should get some DSM done too. That'll free up my raya tomorrow.

So...raya's tomorrow. It feels like as if Ramadhan passed by kinda quick this year. I went to Geylang a grand total of ONCE and I didn't do any shopping this year. I guess it's partly cos I 'sponsored' a chunk of my parents' Haj at the end of this year. Investments...Haha.

I haven't been going for my bike practicals too although I have passed my RTT so that means I have a PDL now. Hai...back to the days of a paper license. I kinda sometimes forget I have a real license...Just like I sometimes forget I actually have an Advanced Diploma. Haha... that sucks when I've finished filling in a form and then remember. =P

Oh well, things are going ok. I'm officially dating now. Haha. How long has it been since I said that. And yes, she's a nice girl from school. Hmm, we've been taking things slow. Just the odd study sessions in town and school and fetching her home and stuff. I guess I really need to give her time to deal with her excess baggage.

First time in my life, I had a 3-hour long phone conversation. Haha. It was actually two 1.5-hour long periods broken by my phone dying on me. Got to talking cos she couldn't get to sleep... was nice. Talked about the people in our lives; those we should know and their histories. =) Loved her whining and giggles.

So...that's the life-changing thing I guess. But nothing's set in stone yet. We'll see how it goes. Cos I really like where I am right now. =)

Act 1, Scene 6: Driving

Today felt like it was lived through flashbacks. All because, at the most, I had 2 hours of sleep. At the least? 10 minutes.

Here's how it went:

1) Slept around 3 in the morning; woke up at 450 for sahur.

Slept for half an hour to 6.

2) Woke up and sent dad to MRT station.

Slept for 1.5 hrs.

3) Woke up and went to JB house with mum. Perfect driving posture, back straight, arms slightly bent at the elbows, hands at position '10 and 2' (works wonders for my SDH actually). AND...my driving was more stable. Haha...

4) Came back around 11. Slept till 1230. Woke up for solat.

5) Solat at Assyakirin. Picked up Nura. Went to school.

6) Did most of DCE. Read a book for kindergarteners about SEX...not kidding. It's in the NIE library. For ages 4 and up. Showed Nura the book. Haha.. and whittled the rest of the time by reading Reader's Digest.

7) Left school around 530. Went to JP to buy stuff for iftar. Sent Nura home.

8) Reached home right on the money. Iftar-ed. Watched TV. Prayed. Out the door to fetch dad.

9) Went to Geylang. Bought a couple of bajus. Ate Mee Goreng. Came back.

10) Here I am. Back's feeling ok. =)

So...really beat right now. But I had a fun day. Especially from points 5-7.

Time to rest now. Test tomorrow.

Act 1, Scene 5: SDH Part 2

It's been a couple of days since I got diagnosed with SDH. Was reading up in Wikipedia on the symptoms and treatments available.

Apparently, the type of SDH that I have is a fairly common one, occurring 15 times more frequently than the other. It's called Lumbar Disc Herniation. It occurs in the lower back. As I was reading, I thought through all the times I had experienced pain in my lower back. You see, when I was playing rugby in school, I used to have a punishing gym routine which focused alot on my triceps and back. As such, I would be bench-pressing 3000kg total in one gym session. Well, combine that with my playing position of a prop, and I'm set up for back pain. I stopped playing because of a muscle spasm I suffered during my second year in JC. At that time, 2 different doctors diagnosed it as just a muscle sprain and put me on Anarex, a pain killer. Although I was given many different types of analgesic gels, I hardly ever used them as I found them terribly inconvenient.

Over the years, I have been experiencing many episodes of lower back pain. Usually, they will involve the two muscles on either side of my lower spine. Pain there will generally range from me feeling heat or a sharp pain. The pain is aggravated especially when I do not get enough sleep. As such, I have always dismissed it and to remedy such episodes, I would just go to sleep and often feel better after.

The problem with SDH is this. It can occur to about 50% of us. But pain is only felt when the gel in the disc protrudes out and pressurises one of your nerve bundles on your spine. Itmay remain dormant for a long time, only surfacing as minor pain as in my case, but because of one slight episode, it will cause the gel to protrude or bulge. People who are more at risk include those who have to sit while doing their work and even more so in those who have to do lifting in the course of their work. Thus this increased my chances of getting a SDH by double.

Apparently there are two causes to the pain by SDH. One, as I've explained earlier can be remedied by the taking of anti-inflammatory drugs to reduce the swelling and protrusion. The other cause of pain is by the presence of chemical triggers called tumor necrosis factor-alpha (TNF). This molecule is the chemical cause of inflammation and pain. And what's even worse, it contributes to disc degeneration.

SDH takes about 6-12 weeks of rest and drugs to combat the inflammation. This is the usual remedy for most patients who are experiencing SDH for the first time. After 6 - 12 weeks, the pain will usually subside, returning every few months for the same period or if triggered by an over-exertion of the disc.

Surgery is only recommended if, after 6-12 weeks, the pain does not subside and there is no improvements to the general well-being of the patient. There are many different surgeries involved, including the removal of discs and replacing them with an artificial one. Conservative treatments, including the taking of anti-inflammatory drugs, yoga and bed rest, are also recognised as helpful. Some doctors believe that early surgery are more beneficial in the long run as compared to conservative treatments followed by surgery, even though both work just as well.

As for combating the TNFs, certain inhibitors are available to specifically deal with the molecules.

So after all that reading and understanding, I guess I'll just have to be patient and hope for the best. 6 weeks is a long time and I think I will have to continue fasting during Syawal to maintain and reduce my weight so that there will be less compression on the disc. So that means no sweet drinks, no rendang and ketupat, no kuih raya... Haha...

Wish me luck.

Act 1, Scene 4: I'm not broke; I'm just a broken-hearted man

I'm still trying to figure out how to begin doing my assignment. Really lacking a motivation to pick up a pen and start planning.

Anyway, How I met your mother has just begun it's 4th season! Great show..I really missed watching it and prepared myself by watching reruns of it. So just a quick recap, at the end of season three, Barney got hit by a bus, Ted got hit by a car and both were in hospital. But Ted was okay and he managed to propose to Stella (the doctor) at Kiddy Funland. Barney, when asked if his life and loved ones flashed before his eyes during the accident, looked longingly at Robin while Lily and Marshall made jokes about his life.

So season 4 picked up where the characters left off. Stella said yes to Ted's proposal. Barney's starting to fall in love with Robin. And I'm really looking forward to the new episodes. =)

I figured out how to put a music player in my blog. So here is the first song I've decided to put up. I like it for its easy rhythm and simple tune. It's 'The man who can't be moved' by The Script.

Oh and one piece of good news: I got 50/60 for my Math test. That works out to be about 83%. Was okay I guess but I was aiming for full marks or at least 90% but I'm not complaining since I didn't study much for the test.

And I got an unexpected message today. But it was nice. Concern from a friend. Really appreciated it. =)

Act 1, Scene 3: SDH

I feel so screwed...

The back pain I've been experiencing for the past few weeks got diagnosed by my GP yesterday. And he said it could be a first stage SDH. What's SDH?

SPINAL DISC HERNIATION

Or a slipped disc. I think I got it when I was lifting weights the other day. But I dismissed it as a mere muscle sprain - which I get all the time when starting my routine initially. But as the days passed, the pain got so unbearable. It affected my groin (WHOLE GROIN including the important parts); it travelled from one side to the other.

And two nights before, when I was at Straits Kitchen, it practically immobilised by left knee. What did it feel like? Imagine someone taking a red-hot metal spike and jamming it into the top of your knee cap.

I couldn't sit because the disc was so compressed, my legs were cramping up. I couldn't bend down to pick up things. I felt so screwed. And yesterday when I was doing DCM with Eileen and Puvan, it got much worse. Now, the spike turns into a rod and someone is running it through me from the back of my waist right through my body and into my left leg. I was in so much pain I knew I had to go see the GP.

I think a multitude of things have caused this to happen. I admit that it is because of my weight (also after checking out Wikipedia). So there's extra incentive to lose alot of pounds. Then, I worked out very suddenly the other day without a proper warm-up. And terawih just aggravated it. Hai... I hate it when my body breaks down. I hate it even more when I can't do my work cos of the pain.

Something life-changing could be in the works for me soon. Not gonna say it out now but I hope I can soon. =)

Act 1, Scene 2: A walk past the artroom

This past week has been surreal for me.

Confessions notwithstanding, I'm feeling more and more like my old self; seeking out solitude more than ever. I'm shirking friends and companionship and being happy just sitting alone. I guess its been too long for me not to have felt this way.

Assignments are mounting and tests, looming. I just finished my first math test whose result I've yet to discover. Second math test was a killer. As usual, I sat staring at the paper and wondering why this was happening to me.

But I had a nice experience this week.

I had a walk past the artroom. =)

Of course something happened during the walk. But, it's gonna be my little secret for now.

Happy Birthday to me.

Still have loads to figure out but I'm figuring it out slowly. It'll take time and real effort. But I have alot of that, so no worries there.

Well, back to sleep now... kept up by what went wrong.

Book 3, Chapter 1, Act 1, Scene 1: R-evolution

To think I have to start a new book when I'm feeling sick. =P C'est la vie.

It's been a month of self-reflections and answering questions I was afraid to ask. I am still alive and kicking; albeit I do have more than my fair share of cuts and bruises. But I am still thinking, therefore, I am.

Let me just get out of the way what needs to be said for the first and last time. At the end of the last book, I mentioned that I am moving away from this site and blog because of certain personal reasons. I believe that since that has been sorted out, I shouldn't be moving on to another site.

To lose someone who meant so much to you is really hard. But surprisingly, I found it much easier this time around. Maybe it was because I knew it was coming, or that I had come to the point of 'tawar hati', or maybe even the combination of the two. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I had fallen out of love with her. On the contrary, I loved her so much, it was hurting our friendship. But deep down, I knew it would have turned out this way, sooner or later. And for the sake of her happiness, I'd rather it be sooner.

Why her happiness you ask? Because leaving was never an option for me. It became harder(easier?) when everything you did was wrong and everything that went wrong was conveniently blamed on you. And being the person that I am, I let it be. It came to the point that I felt that if I argued, I would only push her away. SO I let it be...and everything that went wrong, became my doing.

And so the pattern begins - the non-replies, the anger, the hate, the frustrations and finally, the ignore.

And for me, the realisation came when Shukor asked, 'Why did you give up so easily now?'

'Because I knew that in the end, if I loved her way more than she could ever hope to love me, she would still leave me. And I would only be forcing her to be with me for that moment in our lives and it wouldn't be fair.'

'Anyway, she could never love me. So there's no point. I am only prolonging our own suffering.' was my reply.

Then he asked, 'So what did you do?'

'What could I do? I wished her the best and hoped she could wish the same for me. But she didn't reply. From time to time,I think about her and I send her a text. But I know all I'm ever going to get is silence.'

And finally, it hit me. That I had known from the very beginning how it would end. And I was doing everything I could so the day wouldn't come, not realising with every effort, I was moving closer to the day. Everything I had said to assure my friends, was now coming back to haunt me. And it was, my fault.

The most hurtful thing is that, I could not understand how she could hate me so much. After all we've been through in our friendship, that hurt the most.

So what now?

I've decided I am going to observe now. Honestly, my heart is so broken, I can't imagine risking it to another person right now. And so, I withdraw; beaten and defeated. Every breath I take reminds me of the stinging pain in my lungs.

And I smoke. And I eat. And I sleep. For this moment, I distract myself.

On the plus side, I work hard. As hard as I can..to prove to myself, once again.

I only have to prove myself to one person. I have no one to work for anymore. And so, I must prove it to myself.

And from time to time, I allow myself a memory of her.

When another girl wearing Escada walks past, I smile.

Or when I visit places we used to frequent, I smile.

Or when I eat what she used to like, I smile.

But they are all I have left of her. Memories.. but at least, they make me smile.

Act 10, Final Scene: Goodbye

I have decided to discontinue blogging through this blog. It came after a multitude of reasons beckoned me to stop. I shan't discuss them here. I thank all those who have read my thoughts and feelings through the 2 books and who may have found some wisdom in my sewer of a brain.

Many things are left hanging but I shall find another, more suitable place to vent my frustrations.

To those I have offended, I apologise.

To those I have inspired, carry on your fight.

To those I have loved, I love you still.

To me, goodbye.

Act 9, Scene 3: Twice, thrice, four times a night

The last entry wasn't meant to belittle the kind soul who left me a comment. I sincerely thank you for doing that. But could you leave me a bit more details of who you are and why you are doing this? I shan't publish your last comment because I feel it is unfair for the rest of us to form judgements of her.

I was feeling very sucky on Friday night after the near-to-nothing LO I had gotten. It really felt sucky that my CT had to do that cos it meant my work had gone to waste. So I was lazing around feeling so depressed waiting for when I had to go to JB to fill up fuel. So I called Princess. She didn't answer initially. But surprisingly, she called me back. And she did her very best to make me feel better about the day. And I did. =)

Then I got another surprising phone call after. It was Khai, my second buddy from YTPS. He was on his way home and just thought about giving me a call to see how I was coping with my TA. It couldn't have come at a better time so I started whining to him too. He gave me a few comforting words and suggestions and wished me luck. Haha.

So I did feel better. Till today that is. I've sent in my Lesson plans for the LOs tomorrow. Only comforting thought is that next week's the last. Then the break. Hai... I know I'm not supposed to feel this crappy but I can't help it. But I guess it'll get somewhat better. I'm giving up my tuition in Jurong cos it's burning up my time and so far I cant think of anything good about it. So I'll be focusing on my Mendaki one which is in Woodlands. That ain't so bad even if I have to rush from school on Wednesdays. Plus the income is pretty stable too. 1.5 hrs, straight bus from Admiralty MRT. Just gotta hang in there I guess.

So anyway, wish me luck yea? Just gotta get thru these 5 days then I am so gonna party on Friday. Haha. You know who with. =)

Act 9, Scene 2: Failure

I don't even want to talk about today's lesson observation. I lost track of time and basically everything went down the drain. CT deemed it not a lesson and nothing to assess so I gotta do another one next week.

Hai...

Best thing is next week is last. Then we'll get a week's break before the start of the new semester. I don't know whether to look forward to it or to turn away in disgust at the memory of my last semester. But I guess I'll deal with it when I get my timetable.

Someone left me a comment on my previous entry. I wish you'd leave me a personal message but I decided it is unfair for me not to publish your comment. I agree with you that our fate and destinies lie with God. But isn't it also true that we are taught that we cannot just hope and tawakal; that we must work for those that we desire? Yes, we plan and Allah decides; but we also pray for guidance and honesty to lead us. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I don't want to think about it negatively. I don't even know you yet you are saying such things to me about her. Please don't judge her by what you read here. I can get too over-emotional.

Many of my friends have said what you are saying. But if they cannot sway me, what makes you think anonymous messages on my blog will? For all I know, you could be somebody who is also interested in her and who would like to see me out of the picture. Let me talk to you and rationalise with you my reasons. I understand you may be doing it out of fear of me being hurt, but honestly, I have seen beyond that. She has every right to be with whoever she chooses to be and I know that I will hurt if it wasn't me, but I also have to make peace with it. And my consoling reason? It's that she will be happy because that is what she wants for herself. I have said it many times that all I ever want for her is to see her happy and if she feels that it is with someone else, then so be it.

Everything that I have done for her has been done without me seeking anything material in return. There are many other things I do for her that I have not mentioned here because everyone will just think that she is using me. She is not. Let me ask you something: Haven't you ever thought of doing something for the one you love no matter how stupid or crazy it sounds to everyone else? Well, I get that alot from my friends who ask me why I am wasting my time on someone who hasn't shown me once that I will get a chance. But I still do; because whenever I see her smile, whenever I get to reassure her or tell her it's going to be ok, I feel a part of me being happy. She doesn't need to know it.

On the way back from the airport, after I had told her how she made me feel, she asked me, "Why do you still stick around even when I treat you badly?". I thought about it for awhile and my reply was:

"I don't think you treat me badly. Maybe abit more difficult than other guys but I don't think it's that bad. I just think that by me having to go through so many hard times with you, I learn more about your quirks and your dislikes and in turn, I learn more about you. Maybe it is God's way of saying, 'It's not your time with her yet. But take each of these as a lesson for the future when it is.' I don't stick around because I don't have other girls; I stick around because I don't want other girls."

I don't know how else to explain myself and my ways. But you are entitled to your opinion and I am to mine. This is my blog and if you have yours, I would love to read it.

I believe that every one of us has a unique way of falling in love. There is no one way to do it because when we put two human beings together, everything is different. Yes, there may be 7 other dopplegangers in the world but personality-wise,culturally and spiritually, we are vastly different.

Maybe one day I will realise what I need to do. Or maybe one day she may realise that I am the one for her. It doesn't matter what others say of us. I'm sure you have told yourself the same thing when you were in a situation not unlike my own.

So I do hope you'll respect her and not pass judgement. She does not have a black heart. She is learning and I am giving her time and space to mould herself into the person she wishes to be. I can only stand by and help her when she stumbles but nonetheless, I am here. I'm sure you too would love to be there for someone and for the same for yourself. Me? I'm still on my journey and it's still not my time. But when it is, I'm sure you'll be reading much happier entries here.

Act 9, Scene 1: Have I told you lately...

Happy Birthday Princess. =)

We were on our way back.

Nur: Why isn't the radio switched on?

Me: Cos I wanna talk to you.

Nur: We still talk when it's on.

*switches on radio*

*Rod Stewart's 'Have I told you lately' came on Class 95's love songs*

Me: Oh my...this song totally describes how I feel about you.

So then I began this half-giggle, half-pouring-out-of-feelings period.

She means the world to me. If ever offered the chance to have it all, I'd still choose her over it. I know it seems unbelievable, but you probably don't know how I feel when she's around.

I'm always nervous and anxious yet I'm calm and happy. I worry about the little things like the temperature of the car's air-con or whether she's thirsty. And worrying about these little things is my way of showing her how much I care.

Case in point: The incident before the start of my TA. I was so nervous two nights before. And I called her and even though we spoke for less than 5 minutes, after the call, I felt like everything would be better. And you know what, it is.

So this song was playing as I told her how much she meant to me:

Have I told you lately that I love you
Have I told you there's no one else above you
Fill my heart with gladness
take away all my sadness
ease my troubles that's what you do

For the morning sun in all it's glory
greets the day with hope and comfort too
You fill my life with laughter
and somehow you make it better
ease my troubles that's what you do

=) Happy Birthday Princess. I love you.

Act 8, Scene 1: Proficient

Today was a good day.

I thought I'd screwed up my LO but it turned out ok. Got a really good review from my NSC but I shan't let it get to my head. Cos the lesson after was a farce. Or so I felt.

Was standing outside class today waiting for the previous teacher to exit when I looked down into the eco-garden of the school. I realised how small the school actually was. Though I've never been to the upper levels, the physical structure of the buildings themselves were small compared to Yew Tee Primary, which, thinking about it now, seems huge. But I still prefer that structure cos it had a really nice view and didn't feel as cramped.

I guess not many people find what they really want to do with their lives. Either because they're not given an opportunity, made a mistake along the way, or maybe just because things did not pan out for them. I could never accept the fact of living the rest of my life behind a desk; only having the people around me for interaction. Teaching is more than that. I wouldn't say it's a passion but when I think back on the different lessons I have, I realise I have an opportunity for 43 different interactions everyday with 43 different people. And how that influences my decisions.

I went through a really rough patch last year. And thinking about it now, no matter how bad it got, all it took was for one of my kids to come up to me and just smile and let me know how much he's enjoying the class. You see, no matter how fierce and disciplined I may get, those closest to me always know that I won't stay that way for long. And these kids sure are fast in catching on to that. They know I would reserve a severe scolding only when multiple parties are involved and when they make a mistake, I am quick to reason it out with them and find a solution. I am beyond the reasoning that shouting and humiliation are ways to solve a child's misbehaviour. I believe in making the child take responsibility for his actions and working together to find a solution. But I know that it may not always work out but I hope, at least, it would not stop the child from approaching me again if he ever needed help.

There's not much going on in my life right now and apart from being exhausted every night, I don't see anything else to talk about. I'm trying to finish up my tuition in Jurong and release it. I don't know really. But sometimes, I just wish people would realise how much I'm giving up to make it easier for them. I don't need the verbal gratification; rather, perhaps the emotional acknowledgement. Hai... I dunno. Maybe that's asking too much?

Interlude: enough said

Act 7, Scene 9: sitting and wondering

I had my first tuning in session today. It's this session at the start of a class where a teacher recaps or revises previously taught concepts and all. So I was going through the addition, aubtraction and multiplication of decimals. All was going fine and I had explained that for addition and subtraction, we would do it as we would when dealing with whole numbers. And was yakking away about the decimal point and all.

Then we got to multiplication. And everything was going ok until I had finished drawing the decimal point. Then, I stopped.

"Wait a minute. The decimal points aren't aligned. Where should it be?" I thought to myself. And for a long time,I didn't turn back to face my class. I was stumped. Haha.

The children were equally stumped. Then I asked, "Ok..is this right?". Up til then I hadn't dared face my CT. But then I realized that I needed to do something to salvage the situation. And then it hit me. I had multiplied a decimal with another decimal which is something they have never learnt. And which I have, at most times, used a calculator to accomplish. So I changed the question, on the pretext that it was too difficult for them, to something ridiculously easy. Haha. My CT met me after the class and told me "Good save.. Never let them know you've made a mistake.". Haha. At least she was understanding.

So anyway, today was an ok day. None of the debacle of yesterday which I shan't try to recall here but which was bad to say the very least. Today was quite a relaxed day.

I was wondering today: who draws all those pictures that are used in composition writing/oral picture discussions? I mean is there a company that employs people to do it? And where do they get the inspiration to do it? I wouldn't say it's that spectacular but I do wonder how one gets a job doing that. It'd be interesting to know.

So anyway, got Mendaki later. Haha. That should be fun. I was so pissed off at always being accused of not switching off my lights and fans so I stood at the door during the last lesson and kept repeating, "No..we must wait until the fans stop spinning then we can go." loudly; so that my accuser could hear. And fortunately he wasn't so dense and he got the message that I was making fun of him so he waved me off. Idiot. Too bad he doesn't know that my pet peeve is being accused of doing things I didn't do. Felt like smacking him on the forehead. Idiot.

But it's all good. And today will be undeniably good too. See ya.

Act 7, Scene 8: We're flying to Venus

End of the week. End of the month.

I had a fabulous week. Kinda dreading next week but I can't complain cos I had so much fun last week.

I went for my second group tuition last Wednesday and it was exactly like Monday. I really enjoyed myself even though I was utterly pooped. I guess the only disadvantage is that we have to dress as we would when we're in school; and that means no berms and slippers. Haha. If you knew me, you'd know that's all I ever wear. We even have to tuck in our shirts but I haven't been doing it since my first lesson and since no-one has told me off yet, I don't think I will. =P Anyway, it's still in Woodlands and it isn't so bad cos there's a straight bus from home.

Been cycling to work daily since Tuesday. Can't afford the debacle of Monday ever again but starting work at 10 is really turning out to be a blessing. Usually I'll leave home about 930 and it takes about 10 minutes of easy cycling to get to work. If I'm really in a rush, it'll take about 5-7 minutes. Haha. And from Thursday I was in a rush. I even managed to cycle to the mosque on Friday. I end my class at 12 so given that Zohor is a comfortable 1-plus, I usually cycle slowly, park and walk a bit to the restaurant near there. Have a bit of lunch then walk back to the mosque. But the cycle back is crazy. Haha. Like, last week, prayers ended at about 1.50pm so I had like 10 minutes to put on my shoes and all that other stuff. Ooh, I wear sneakers by the way. Haha. They're made of suede so they're not like normal sneakers and they're tan so, they go well with my tan pants. Haha.

Thursday was abit harder. Had tuition in Jurong. But I made the best of the trip by bringing along a book. Made the trip seem much shorter than it was. Kid was alright. Don't think I'll mention him much. House is pretty accessible too. Took a cab back after. Felt like I deserved that little bit of luxury. Haha. But it came out in the news today that taxi companies are mulling over a new fuel surcharge. Airline companies have been charging a fuel surcharge since 2004. In case you don't know what that is, it's the charge they impose on you that, in some cases, may be more than what you're paying for your ticket. Crappy yea? Anyway, the taxi companies are thinking of a 40 cent flat fee as the surcharge. But some cabbies are torn over it because they're already getting lesser fares due to the December hike. CASE has even mentioned that this recent decision might hold no water because taxi companies hiked prices in December due to 'rising fuel prices', so theoretically, this new increase is unjustified and will anull the previous reason. So we'll have to wait and see. One cabby put it very plainly by saying that this will further alienate people from the idea of taking a cab; forcing people to turn to buses and MRTs. Ooh, and did you know there are a total of 24,000 cabs on the roads? I sure didn't. Cos sometimes I don't see a single one or the taxi company cannot find me one even when I make an advance booking.

Moving on, Friday and Saturday were nice days - cos I got to spend them with Nur. We did our road-trekking thing again where I just drive and we talk about stuff. I think I wasted alot of time driving cos we didn't have a destination in mind but I didn't care. As long as she was there. Anyway, we had planned to check out where her brother was gonna start his IA but ended up getting her dinner. She had a craving for sotong you tiao so I drove to Tampines (we were in the East anyway) to Habibies but it was closed. So I drove to Simpang Bedok and Hawa's. They were super-busy and the place was jam=packed with people so had to wait for abit but it was worth it. =)

Yesterday we both had tuition so I picked her up too. Got to my own tuition late and got an earful from the mum (which is why I don't wanna talk about it). So anyway, after, I had to go down to Vivocity for some adidas event and she had to go back to work. Grabbed her lunch from Mac's along the way (and we had to wait for it cos SOMEONE wanted unsalted fries....), dropped her off then went off to Vivo. I got to the podium a mere TWO minutes late and they told me they had closed registration; which was eff-ing stupid cos they knew I was coming. They could have at least called when I hadn't turned up but did they? NOOOOooooo.... So I stormed off la. Couldn't deal with idiots that day. Grabbed my own lunch from banquet then went off to Labrador Park to have it. I'd hung around cos I wanted to fetch her home from her workplace too. Anyway Labrador park is damn nice now. Haha. It's really quiet cos there're not too many people there plus they're building a new resort thingy at the old Naval base. There's already a seafood restaurant there but I didn't see any customers yesterday.

So hung around for about an hour enjoying the sea breeze and sun. Then Princess messaged me saying it was getting hot in the office so I went to fetch her. Drove back to Yishun when she told me at the last moment that she wanted to see her old school. So we drove to Hougang and just drove around abit. Got her an ice-cream at Punggol cos it was warm. Haha. She discovered her first taste of attap chee ice cream. Next, we visited Seletar Airport, which was a first for me too and it was cool. Makes hanging out at Seletar Dam seem so lame. Haha. And then off to home we went. Was a really nice time and it made me miss those days when we used to do it on a weekly basis. =)

So here I am on a Sunday morning just lazing around. Gotta start on a couple of lesson plans soon. Taking over English classes on Monday and Tuesday and Math classes on the last 3 days of the week. Hmm, gotta step up the game I guess even though grading's just a pass or fail. But all the best to me and I do know I can do it when my head's in it so, yea. =)

Act 7, Scene 7: I'll paint it black and take it back.

First day of TA.

Woke up early at 6. Told my brain to start itself up..no FORCED it to. Was all ready by 640. Thought I could walk slowly and reach about 7. Couldn't find socks. Panicked. Left house at 655. School starts at 710. Die...

Was late by a couple of minutes. I'm glad I worked out during the holidays. Because if I had let myself be sedentary throughout, I think I might have reached later. I walked, by the way.

Tough day. School is vastly different from what I was used to. But manageable. Heat was getting to me and I was wet and sticky throughout the day. Must really get accustomed to it soon. Went back lethargic and all.

Napped for awhile. About 45 minutes. Woke up. Showered, change of clothes. Off to tuition. Was really dreading it because I felt so freaking spent. I hadn't eaten anything the whole day. Gave myself the illusion I had by chewing gum from 7am to 3 in the afternoon. Almost got lock-jaw. Ate a sandwich and grabbed Macs on the way.

Reached early, about 635. Sat down and talked to Herlina and the HT. Was ok. She seemed really friendly. Then Hidayah, my classmate from DCM came. First time ever I talked to her. Haha. She seemed really fierce in class. But turns out she is a nice girl. *hinthint* Hahaha...

So anyway, tuition was fabulous. Kids were quiet at first but they warmed up after awhile. I just hope they wont step all over me but I doubt it. I still have control. Haha. But it really made me think about how much I missed teaching a class instead of one kid. And how much it felt like my calling. So then I got optimistic about everything.

Anyway my timetable's kinda advantageous. I start at 10 in the morning and end at 330 in the afternoon. So it's really helpful especially after a night of tuition. So I'm really glad things worked out this way. Alhamdulillah.

So anyway, too tired now. Will blog more at the end of the week I guess. More stories then. More rest too. =)

Act 7, Scene 6: Why am I so obviously insane?

One call.

Her voice.

I'm calm.

=)

Act 7, Scene 5: Well if you wanted honesty...

I'm so torn up right now. I'm getting worried. I'm freaking out.

But WHY?

Hai.. I need to chill out. It's nothing major. Just another phase. We'll see how the first week works out and change as we go along. Nothing is set in stone yet.

=)

This past week has been surreal. But I guess I got caught up too much in it. I need to take a step back and ask myself some very important questions. Cos the more I keep myself in it, the more confused and emotional I get.

A day left to the new Semester. School doesn't start for another month but I've to do an assistantship at some school nearby. Next week will be the week of firsts. First time doing Mendaki tuition; first time with my other new tuition assignment; first time in a new school. Looking back on my decision not to go back to my contract school, I fear I may have made a mistake. Everyone wishes that their choice of something new will be better than sticking with what they have. I think that, unless you've exhausted all possibility of living with what you have, you shouldn't abandon it. I don't know. Maybe I'm just overthinking it. But it's not like I have anybody to tell it to anyway.

I just have to promise myself that I will not be distracted this semester like I did in the last one. I'll need to be on my best behaviour; even then, it'll take alot of effort. I have to disassociate myself with all the self-pity I have been wallowing in in the last semester. I need to prove something to myself; that it is not a fluke. I cannot concern myself with what is happening to others around me anymore. Because they sure aren't going to help me achieve what I need to.

NEED... not want. It's not a question of whether I want to achieve this anymore. I need to.

For myself. Finally.

Last semester shall live on as a bad memory. I averaged a B- and my GPA suffered. Not again.

For me.

Act 7, Scene 4: Heart

Strength.

Stamina.

Skill.

Speed.

These four skills are the pillars upon which a rugby player is built on. A combination of any amount of the four will ensure success. Different players will build on a different area. But a balance of the four will complete the player.

I've been super-set-ting my exercises to save some time. Built on what I deemed necessary for my game.

Haven't been to the gym since I got back from KL. Been working out at home for some time now. But managed to complement that with swims in the past week. 1.2km each time for a total of 2.4km. Quite acceptable considering I havent swam in weeks.

My resting heart rate is also lower. My stamina is increasing. Not to mention my strength. Progression, the name of the game.

I think I might try out for the NK team next year. But my biggest worry will me time-management. I screwed up last semester by not studying and I failed big time. Also I let too many things get to me. Hopefully next semester will be better.

As you can tell, my thoughts are not really fully collected. If you want an indication of my mindset, check out my Facebook statuses. I don't understand some things. But if you wanna walk away, I won't stop you; not anymore. You mean the world to me.. apparently, I now know I don't mean squat to you. I still consider you a part of my life and I only wish the best for you. I'll talk about this more tomorrow. I still need to think of how I am going to phrase it.

Act 7, Scene 3: Enjoy

I'm taking a break to collect my thoughts. In the meantime, enjoy this video. It's my 'it' song for now.

Act 7, Scene 2: Because

What have I done to make you go away?

Is it so severe that this is the only option left?

Or have you forgotten how much you mean to me...
and all that I've done for you.

Do they mean nothing now?

I only wanted to see you happy. You say you're not. I ask why. You say you're fine.

I'm not happy.


Because...

I miss seeing you smile
I miss your scent
I miss hearing the sound of your voice
I miss driving around with you
I miss watching you walk
I miss how you use the mirror to check the way you look
I miss buying milk for you

I miss you.

Don't you?

Act 7, Scene 1: Aye, aye! Labu! Labu!

Just got back from KL/Melaka a few minutes ago. Was an ok trip overall. Did some things I normally wouldn't do...like buy stuff. Haha.

But... too tired to type now.

Here's a breakdown of today:

1) Drove +/- 90 km from Putrajaya to Simpang Ampat to get to Kampung. Kampung's in Lubok Cina, Melaka; some border village on the northern border with Negri Sembilan.

2) Drove 145 km from Pagoh to Skudai. No new speed record sadly because I was driving at night and it was raining. But still managed the distance in about 50 minutes. So you do the math. =) TP's gonna be pissed. Haha.

Anyway now's a good time to head north into Pahang and Melaka because it's the start of the fruiting season. Durians in Melaka were going at RM 1/kg. That's like 40 cents. Haha. But if you're there to see the fruits, most have either been picked or have just begun to bloom so you'll see lots of unripe fruit bunches but you can imagine what they'll look like ripe. Rambutans are still green but I did see lemons, mangosteens, durians, coconuts (this doesnt depend on the season but I did see it. So yea...lots of fruits. =)

Well, what I need now is lots of rest... So off to bed I go. =)

Act 6, Scene 3: Impossible to find

But hold your breath

Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you

Over again

Don't make me change my mind

Or I wont live to see another day

I swear it's true

Because a girl like you is impossible to find

You're impossible to find


This is not what I intended

I always swore to you I'd never fall apart

You always thought that I was stronger

I may have failed

But I have loved you from the start


(http://www.imeem.com/people/CZghDCT/music/MN81vePJ/secondhand_serenade_fall_for_you/)

=)

Act 6, Scene 2: Silence

A couple of things happened today erasing the possibility of it turning into a boring day.

1) I got a call on the home phone at about 11 in the morning. It went as follows:

Me: Assalamualaikum (Peace be upon you)

Hysterical Girl (in Mandarin): Father, help me... I've been kidnapped/in trouble. (From what I could gather from my 4 years spent in a Chinese secondary school)

M: (pauses) You've got the wrong number.

HG (suddenly stop crying and returns to a normal speaking voice): Orh..Byebye.

I sat down on the couch expecting nothing from it. I mean, I know it's a scam where these callers randomly call up numbers and say they're the daughter/sister/niece/granddaughter and that they've been kidnapped and beg for the relatives to pay for their ransom. But it gets me that the person getting the call will not ask for the caller's name to verify their identity and whether they're truly their relative.

Furthermore, I guess these victims fall into the moment so they don't bother to confirm. But what if they get a family that only has sons. Do they then get a boy to call the family again? Incredulous, you say? Because this was what happened a few minutes later.

*phone rings*

Me: Assalamualaikum.

*in background, a man can be heard screaming in a threatening manner; most probably directed at the girl for the added effect for the kidnap call*

At this point, I knew the scammers were back.

HG (in Mandarin): Father, help me. I've been kidnapped/in trouble.

Me (in a calm but frightening tone): Look, if you don't stop calling, I'm gonna call the Police. And then I'm gonna go with them and KICK YOUR ASS...

*click*

*engaged tone*

Hahahaha...they were probably scared off by the Police comment but I just felt like repaying them for brightening up my day with their jokes with one of my own. =) Of course, I had prepared a more R rated one where I would ask the girl for sex but that would have taken too long and HG couldn't keep up her act for long, I gather.



2) I met with an accident today. Nothing serious but I almost died from the shock. Haha. Ok, this was what happened.

I was riding my bicycle to tuition, like I always do. But it was drizzling today. I had this weird feeling cos I initially had wanted to take a bus, which I had never felt like doing before.

So anyway, as I was nearing the place, I saw a sign which said 'No bicycles on footpaths' but I disregarded it cos I've ridden it so many times before. But not long after I passed the sign, my bicycle skidded.

Now, initially, I kinda expected it to skid because I saw that the path had suddenly become slippery. So I kinda just rode through the skid. But then, it got worse. I skidded onto the road. Into the path of an oncoming taxi. And it was accelerating by the sound of its engine revving. So I rolled around and pushed myself out of its way. I managed to kick my bike out of its way too, into the opposite road which was empty.

The fella did an emergency brake. Ha..I swear to you his face was paler than mine when he came out of the cab to check on me. But I was alright other than some bruising to my hip and thigh and ankle from the impact of the skid. Nothing happened cos of the taxi so after making sure I was ok, I told the cabby to go cos it wasn't anything. My bike had a few scratches and I tore my sandals but physically I was fine. So I said a little prayer to thank God for keeping me alive and went about repairing my stuff. Funny thing was, a couple of people saw it, even one guy sitting under the block less than 5 metres from where I fell, but none came up to offer me help.

My bike chain had come off but it was still workable and my sandals were torn, which I fixed with a plastic bag twisted into a rope of some sort. And off I was cos the block was less than a minute's ride away. But I was drenched.

You never know the seriousness of an event until you replay it through your mind. And I seriously didn't think anything of it until I was on my ride back.


What if I had been a split second slower in my skid or even my journey?


What if I hadn't seen the taxi coming and was slow to push myself out of its way?


What if the cab driver hadn't seen me and continued accelerating?



The answer: I guess I wouldn't be sitting here typing this out then. Alhamdullilah.

I realise there are many other things for me to consider in my life than my troubles. A simple journey I have done numerous times nearly took my life today.

But I am thankful for everything I have and the people I have around me. And for being able to sit here and type out one more entry. =)

Act 6, Scene 1: Episode 1

I don't know what to do anymore.


I just spent 2 minutes staring at the screen wondering if I should say what I wanna say.


But is it meant for everyone?


Why can you say how you feel in your blog but I can't in my own.


I still love you.


But I know that that is not what you want.


Have I been replaced?


I think so.


I need to learn to live without you in my life so much.


It'll hurt even more if you're not around.


So please don't go...


Just stay around so that I can learn not to love you so much.

Act 5, Scene 6: Boys don't cry

Bones bones brittle little bones
Its not the milk you seek
Its the sun you need

- 'Don't call me Whitney, Bobby', Islands

Don't think I'll write about the cart thingy. I've got a headache. Anyway, the line above is from a song. Quite nice. Has this kind of nonsensical lyrics which I guess must make sense to them. But the rhythm's pretty nice. =)

Went back to the gym today with Sher. Got back into the groove of things but my cardio's really suffered after such a long layoff. Guess I've got to start rebuilding the rhythm for that. We hung out in the canteen as usual after but NIE's become so dead lately cos it's the holidays but we did get to see some eye-candy; most probably teachers back for a course or something.

Went to IMM for the first time in 3 years today. Lot's of changes but I find it a little cramped. Plus Giant looks like it needs some renovations too. Hung out at BK talking about stuff. Haha. CLASSIFIED STUFF.

I'm really glad to be back in the gym. It helps take my mind off stuff. And I really need that right now. Things have been moving along too quickly for me to effectively take stock of my options. So just being there and sitting between sets gives me time to think. And when it get's too complicated, I do another set. Honestly, I lost count of how many sets I was doing just now. Came to a point when I told Sher, 'I just wanna fall in love with the machines here. They give me pain; but they build me up.' Hmm, philosophical.

Don't know what I'm going to do tomorrow though. Hopefully someone asks me out. Haha. But I do have tuition at 430. So yea... Maybe a swim will be good.

Act 5, Scene 5: Dance of makcik carts

Had a late night last night. Fetched Princess from JP at about 4 and drove back. Reached home and had to go out again to send my dad to work. Then, the fun began. =)

I rarely get to go out with just my mum these days cos of her work and my sister's insistence of coming down from the other end of the island just so she can tag along so yesterday was the perfect time for us to enjoy just a mother-son kinda night. I don't really mind if my sister tags along. It's just that she makes the whole outing her-centered so I don't really appreciate that.

So we started off with our search for a carpark lot in our favourite mall, Vivocity. A tip for frequent visitors; use your receipt for purchases to earn free parking fees at Vivocity. Just bring your receipts and the number on your IU unit (the number on the top of the IU) to the reception counter on Level 2, outside the Nokia shop and they'll convert your purchases to free parking. I spent close to a $1000 in August-September last year so we got about $100 worth of free parking. It's just like having your own free parking space. Haha.

So parking was a breeze, surprisingly. There were a boat-load of people there la with the Great Singapore Sale and everything. So then I messaged Lekha asking her if she's gone out shopping. Ha.. She stayed home cos of the crowd. Funny la she. She's avoided Causeway Point too just cos it's crowded then I remembered once she messaged me at about 5 in the evening: 'Boy! Guess where I am? CAUSEWAY POINT! Haha..you were right. Not too many people.' I almost fell on the floor laughing.

We got there about 7 so most everyone were either having dinner or queueing up for dinner. We decided to skip it till later and just take advantage of the lull to go shopping. I didnt have the urge to spend on anything so I just walked around pretty much just following my mum as she shopped. She was looking for a new bag to bring to work so I just tried on a few samples to show her what it'll look like. Must've cracked up a few customers with my antics. Haha. We went to Guess and Tangs where she bought a shoe before she found a bag she liked. Haha.

So after paying for the purchases, we headed to this counter to apply for some Tangs lifestyle card or something cos my mum used her credit card to pay and there was this sweet little girl at the counter playing with the laptop. Initially, she was quite...erm, inattentive. So we just filled up the form and stuff but then it seems like she had a change of heart when she explained the terms to us. But that wasn't the thing; the card belongs to my mother; the details on the form were my mothers; but she kept staring at me while she was explaining the terms. And she had this cute smile..Haha. But she seems abit too young ah. Or maybe it's because she's small-sized, I mean, I stand at about 1.85m; she barely reached my chest. Haha. Cute.

So anyway after shopping and stuff, we walked to GV to see if there were any good shows. And I SOOO wanted to watch Indy Jones but the tickets for earlier shows were sold out. So we settled for a 1020 one, 2 rows from the front. I was just about prepared to have my neck strained.

Suddenly, just as we were walking away from the box office, we saw this group of youth running towards one of the exits. So being the 'Concerned Citizen' that I am, me and my mum followed them. As we were making our way out, a security guard rushed past us in their direction so I knew something good must be going down. Haha. We made the pretence of enjoying the night breeze while watching the group from afar. At first it was only us and a few other people but then many more came to join us and soon it was a spectacle. Couldn't figure out what was happening though but I think one of the group must have shoplifted or broke something from a shop cos just as we left, a Samsung employee walked past us to join the security guard.

So then we decided to try Earle Swensens. Turns out it's exactly like Swensens but with a much 'Up' decor. Haha. I had the tenderloin steak with baked potato and season vegetables (tell you more about this). Initially we thought the prices were abit extravagant but then we realised that for some of the meals, including steaks, seafood and chicken, it comes with a free-flow of the salad bar, so it was pretty worth it. Oh and my season vegetables? Apprently they refer to Singaporean seasons cos they served me taugeh, peas in a pod and a cherry tomato cooked in the steak's juices. Mum had clam chowder in a bread bowl and my salad tab.

So then, when my steak finally came, it turned out the chef hadn't made it as well-done as I had wanted and he just slapped on an 'oh-so-obvious-I-came-out-of-a-small-plastic-container' slab of herb butter on my cold steak. So I sent it back asking him to reheat the piece of meat until the butter was melted. And the second time around, it was perfect. Oh and before I sent it back, I had placed my vegetables on my mum's plate and when I got it back, there were more taugehs, peas and tomatoes. Haha. Only this time they were raw. =P

We sat and talked about lots of stuff. Just as we were finishing up our meal, the family at the table next to ours had asked the waitress to take a photo of them. Ok, I have this streak where I like to just include myself in photos of random strangers. So just as the waitress was about to snap the photo, I turned to face the camera and gave the biggest smile I could muster. Haha. The waitress could not help herself and just started giggling like crazy but the family was none-the-wiser. =)

Ok, on to the movie. Indy Jones is a must-watch if you love the genre. But I must warn you that the premise for the show is abit laughable and thin. If you want a hint: it has something to do with movies Spielberg once did involving flying bicycles and more prevalently, what Lucas is famous for. But it was a fun ride. Shia LeBouf was hunky and pulled off his character well. But you know who stole the show for me? Cate Blanchett. Haha. I suddenly have a fetish for women with perfect bobs. She was amazing..her cheekbones seemed like they were gonna pop out of the screen. =)

So after the movie, it was already 1 so we headed back. Woke up at 7 this morning to fetch my dad and go watch the dance of the makcik carts. Haha. Will blog on that in the next entry. =)

Act 5, Scene 4: Nice dream

HIMYM's third season is over! =(

I miss Princess... Hmm...

Act 5, Scene 3: The 5:41 Ode to Victory

*mute*

Face covered. Heart hoping. The rain had brought one of the warriors down unceremoniously. Will it do it again?

Anger. Stupidity in pausing. Curses.

An old warrior steps up. Face not betraying the fear he must be feeling inside. Why does the rain seem to come down harder?

*mute*

Face covered again. Eyes closed. 'Let it pass,' I think, 'It hasn't been taken yet.'

*unmute*

"It is Red in Moscow!"

Eyes wide open. The vanquisher rejoices; both arms thrust wide open. The vanquished can only look down in disbelief. As his eyes travel upwards, it does not seem capable of fixating on anything. His whole world has crumbled.

The best thing a neutral could ask for has happened. The world heaves a sigh of relief that once again it is proven that money cannot, no, WILL not buy glory.

On that rain trodden field, far away where the rain must be falling like needles of ice, only emptiness must be felt inside them. 'Maybe next year,' they must be thinking.

But for the victors, the vanquishers, the heroes. Once again they have proven themselves. Even when everyone questioned the chosen ones. Yet it came down to experience.

Congratulations.

Act 5, Scene 2: Napping

I wanna start school! Gosh, how I hate holidays. I'm going crazy just trying to figure out what to do during this time.

This is what my typical week looks like:

Mon - Gym, 9 - 11
Lunch, 11 - 1

Tues - Tuition, 430 - 630

Wed - Repeat Monday

Thurs - Repeat Tuesday

Fri - Repeat Monday

Sat & Sun - Dependent on friends available

I'm like so dead in the head la right now. It's not like I have a shortage of friends but then again they've got their stuff going on. My best friend's a real estate agent so that means his schedule will never fit mine. Gosh...

Hmm, Princess is my other best friend. We talked things out and she knows where I am on this issue and I know where she wants to be on it too. I respect her wishes so we'll just see how things go.

Been making some new friends too. Been going to the gym with Sher where possible and hanging out during lunch talking about stuff. But other than that, I've pretty much waited for day-to-day offers from friends to go do stuff. Haha.

So anyway, woke up at 9-plus today to Princess's text inviting me to lunch. Haha. Doesn't happen very often cos she's pretty busy lately so it was a nice gesture. Had it at Eatzi (there is a previous entry about our first time at Eatzi in the first book). I tried out the beef burger while she had the chicken and mushroom baked rice. Also had our usual seafood in a pan. Haha. And we talked about stuff like the movie she watched recently. Sounds kinda nice but I wouldn't be caught watching it alone. People might just think I'm weird. Haha..not that they don't already.

Was a short lunch but it's been so long since I've seen her smile so it was very nice. Little things she does that makes me happy we're friends. =)

Was too hot to walk to the interchange so I grabbed a cab back. Haha. Lazy me, I know.

I've got tuition tomorrow. Think I might hit the gym in the morning to make up for today (gym's not open on public holidays). Then in the evening...PARTAAY! Haha. Thanks Sher for inviting me to the BBQ. So yea. That's pretty much it for this week.

Ooh..Shukor (my best friend) and I checked out flights and hotels for Bali. We're probably going next 17th - 21st. It's Tuesday to Saturday but at least we'll get a Friday night to hit the nightspots. Haha. Had to convince the bugger to go. He was afraid there wouldn't be Halal food there. So I told him we'll go fishing and cook our own meals if that's what it takes. Man...I didn't think there was a more paranoid person than me. =P So anyway, if all goes well, we're off for a holiday before I start my term. WooHoo... =)