Act 7, Scene 5: Well if you wanted honesty...

I'm so torn up right now. I'm getting worried. I'm freaking out.

But WHY?

Hai.. I need to chill out. It's nothing major. Just another phase. We'll see how the first week works out and change as we go along. Nothing is set in stone yet.

=)

This past week has been surreal. But I guess I got caught up too much in it. I need to take a step back and ask myself some very important questions. Cos the more I keep myself in it, the more confused and emotional I get.

A day left to the new Semester. School doesn't start for another month but I've to do an assistantship at some school nearby. Next week will be the week of firsts. First time doing Mendaki tuition; first time with my other new tuition assignment; first time in a new school. Looking back on my decision not to go back to my contract school, I fear I may have made a mistake. Everyone wishes that their choice of something new will be better than sticking with what they have. I think that, unless you've exhausted all possibility of living with what you have, you shouldn't abandon it. I don't know. Maybe I'm just overthinking it. But it's not like I have anybody to tell it to anyway.

I just have to promise myself that I will not be distracted this semester like I did in the last one. I'll need to be on my best behaviour; even then, it'll take alot of effort. I have to disassociate myself with all the self-pity I have been wallowing in in the last semester. I need to prove something to myself; that it is not a fluke. I cannot concern myself with what is happening to others around me anymore. Because they sure aren't going to help me achieve what I need to.

NEED... not want. It's not a question of whether I want to achieve this anymore. I need to.

For myself. Finally.

Last semester shall live on as a bad memory. I averaged a B- and my GPA suffered. Not again.

For me.