People take what they have in front of them. They never once ponder where it came from and how it got there. If it's there, then it's for the taking.
That's why Man introduced cost. When you have to part with something that is dear to you, you feel the pain and you begin to understand where and how something came to be.
Interpret this how you will but know now that I will never subject my own children to ranking within a family. It doesn't make sense and pretty soon they're gonna figure it out themselves.
Ah..do what you will and leave me to ponder my losses. No one cares anyway.
Whether I am here or not. You have made it clear.
Great..and now I'm lagging. Aw...
I've got a headache, Nur.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Act 6, Scene 1: White Bear
Do you know why it's Act 6?
Cos I forgot what the last scene in Act 5 was. Haha.
I can't even remember when the last time I updated was.
I can't even remember why I'm blogging tonight, instead of doing my assignments like a good boy.
Hmm, did I already talk about the driving lessons?
So that was Friday.
I stayed home today. Woke up at 7-plus after Princess smsed me about the couple of books I borrowed for her from the library yesterday. I kinda JUST realised that female writers are generally more expressive in relating scenes as compared to male ones. So use your imagination to figure out what we talked about.
Watched TV till about 10 cos noone was home. Then got off my lazy ass to do some chores. Haha. I like the way I do chores. Cos it seems like I'm doing ONE major chore at one time when it's actually comprised of three smaller ones. So firstly I hung out the laundry after the rain; then I cooked a pot of rice while washing dishes at the same time. So everything got done in like 10 minutes. Made myself a cup of Horlicks and went back to watching TV while waiting for my lunch to cook.
After lunch was a blur. I think I dozed off watching rugby. Roland O'Gara was kicking a penalty. Kearney scored a try. Ireland rocks. Wales too...I genuinely dislike England. I don't think they should have gotten to the Finals last year but New Zealand was overhyped and France was shit. So it was nice South Africa won with Bryan Habana.
Ooh but I think Italian players are the best built. I didn't say the best players, just that they look nice. I think it's cos they keep long hair. Haha...I'm starting to sound so gay.
So I went to bed and around 6-plus, I called Princess for a chat. She told me about her day and stuff and I just listened intently with my face buried in the pillows.It was a nice chat but she was getting tired so we ended the call while she was queueing up for the ATM.
Plodded around the house watching mindless TV before I got down to doing my part of one assignment. Couldn't get the motivation to do the others so will keep to tomorrow. Hope to finish one by tomorrow and another by Friday. Hai..sian.
I don't know what to say anymore. People have been bashing me about stuff recently as if I owe them something. Like I said before, thanks for the concern yea? But I understand what you're saying, I'm taking the risk myself and to have taken the decision to do that, I would have understood the circumstances myself. What is on display is a factual recount of what I enjoy doing with Princess. I'm not asking for sympathy nor am I looking for help. Advise if you will but do not force my hand. Just read it and interpret it as an honest account of a man's feelings for the lady he loves. Even if the circumstances seem strange to you. I appeal to your good heart for that.
Princess is more than just a girl whom I am madly in love with. She was and still is a friend of mine. If things work out between us, then great. But if it doesn't, she's still a friend I love very much and who I hope would want to call me her best friend, just as I hope to call her mine. Of course it'd be nice if we were to be together, then I can tell everyone I married my best friend. =)how many people can honestly attest to that?
Oh..I remember now. I was watching one of my favourite cartoons today - Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends. Haha. I love Bloo. I fell in love with him the first time I saw him. Haha. Go google his picture k? Bloo..Bloo..Bloo.. Haha.
Oh yea, blue's my favourite colour anyway. =)
March is coming and after July, March's my next favourite month. Haha. YES..it has to do with Princess. =P
She's lucky isn't she to have someone so devoted to her? Haha...SELF ADVERTISING HERE...I bet some girls are going, 'Why can't I have someone like that?'. Well, maybe some of you missed the boat. =) So, lucky Princess.
But I think her boyfriend's lucky too. Cos he has her. Haha. She gets pretty tired of me conceding that he's lucky but I really think he is. =)
Oh man...I'm ranting...gotta go now.
Good night, Princess.
Cos I forgot what the last scene in Act 5 was. Haha.
I can't even remember when the last time I updated was.
I can't even remember why I'm blogging tonight, instead of doing my assignments like a good boy.
Hmm, did I already talk about the driving lessons?
So that was Friday.
I stayed home today. Woke up at 7-plus after Princess smsed me about the couple of books I borrowed for her from the library yesterday. I kinda JUST realised that female writers are generally more expressive in relating scenes as compared to male ones. So use your imagination to figure out what we talked about.
Watched TV till about 10 cos noone was home. Then got off my lazy ass to do some chores. Haha. I like the way I do chores. Cos it seems like I'm doing ONE major chore at one time when it's actually comprised of three smaller ones. So firstly I hung out the laundry after the rain; then I cooked a pot of rice while washing dishes at the same time. So everything got done in like 10 minutes. Made myself a cup of Horlicks and went back to watching TV while waiting for my lunch to cook.
After lunch was a blur. I think I dozed off watching rugby. Roland O'Gara was kicking a penalty. Kearney scored a try. Ireland rocks. Wales too...I genuinely dislike England. I don't think they should have gotten to the Finals last year but New Zealand was overhyped and France was shit. So it was nice South Africa won with Bryan Habana.
Ooh but I think Italian players are the best built. I didn't say the best players, just that they look nice. I think it's cos they keep long hair. Haha...I'm starting to sound so gay.
So I went to bed and around 6-plus, I called Princess for a chat. She told me about her day and stuff and I just listened intently with my face buried in the pillows.It was a nice chat but she was getting tired so we ended the call while she was queueing up for the ATM.
Plodded around the house watching mindless TV before I got down to doing my part of one assignment. Couldn't get the motivation to do the others so will keep to tomorrow. Hope to finish one by tomorrow and another by Friday. Hai..sian.
I don't know what to say anymore. People have been bashing me about stuff recently as if I owe them something. Like I said before, thanks for the concern yea? But I understand what you're saying, I'm taking the risk myself and to have taken the decision to do that, I would have understood the circumstances myself. What is on display is a factual recount of what I enjoy doing with Princess. I'm not asking for sympathy nor am I looking for help. Advise if you will but do not force my hand. Just read it and interpret it as an honest account of a man's feelings for the lady he loves. Even if the circumstances seem strange to you. I appeal to your good heart for that.
Princess is more than just a girl whom I am madly in love with. She was and still is a friend of mine. If things work out between us, then great. But if it doesn't, she's still a friend I love very much and who I hope would want to call me her best friend, just as I hope to call her mine. Of course it'd be nice if we were to be together, then I can tell everyone I married my best friend. =)how many people can honestly attest to that?
Oh..I remember now. I was watching one of my favourite cartoons today - Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends. Haha. I love Bloo. I fell in love with him the first time I saw him. Haha. Go google his picture k? Bloo..Bloo..Bloo.. Haha.
Oh yea, blue's my favourite colour anyway. =)
March is coming and after July, March's my next favourite month. Haha. YES..it has to do with Princess. =P
She's lucky isn't she to have someone so devoted to her? Haha...SELF ADVERTISING HERE...I bet some girls are going, 'Why can't I have someone like that?'. Well, maybe some of you missed the boat. =) So, lucky Princess.
But I think her boyfriend's lucky too. Cos he has her. Haha. She gets pretty tired of me conceding that he's lucky but I really think he is. =)
Oh man...I'm ranting...gotta go now.
Good night, Princess.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Act 5, Scene 13: Shorts
I sent her to Fort Canning.
Went to school.
Came home.
Fetched her from Fort Canning.
Went to teach her how to drive (she's getting better =))
Went to eat and talk.
Tried to understand.
Felt really happy she considered me as a close friend.
Realised we might only stay as that.
Felt sad.
Sent her home.
Realised I love being friends with her.
Realised I love her too.
Realised I can only have one or risk losing both.
Haven't chosen.
Cried my eyes out.
Someone left a comment on the previous two entries.
Go read it.
Should I?
Thanks. Lots of people's said that.
I'm just dumb.
But...
I still love, Nur.
P.S. I love spending time with you. =)
Went to school.
Came home.
Fetched her from Fort Canning.
Went to teach her how to drive (she's getting better =))
Went to eat and talk.
Tried to understand.
Felt really happy she considered me as a close friend.
Realised we might only stay as that.
Felt sad.
Sent her home.
Realised I love being friends with her.
Realised I love her too.
Realised I can only have one or risk losing both.
Haven't chosen.
Cried my eyes out.
Someone left a comment on the previous two entries.
Go read it.
Should I?
Thanks. Lots of people's said that.
I'm just dumb.
But...
I still love, Nur.
P.S. I love spending time with you. =)
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Act 5, Scene 12: 4 more days
Last entry was on Tuesday.
I fetched Princess from work yesterday.
I fetched her from tuition today.
This is my second BEST week for this year so far. =)
(First best week was when I got to spend 5 days straight with her)
I'm so happy I got to spend time with her.
Yesterday was a freaky day. I was watching Goodfellas on HBO and was wondering what time I should get ready for school. I was so adamant about class starting at 130 that I thought I could leave late. Then I realised English was at 1230. And Goodfellas ended at 1130. And since it takes me 1hr and 15min to get to school, I was already late. But I wouldn't have missed that movie for anything.
So I made my way to school and I realised that since it wasn't peak hour, all the public transport sucked. Was so mad. And I got to class at 1. But everything turned out alright. Had lunch at the canteen and got to talk things out with Dzuhri.
We both know this guy from school. I know him through another friend and Dzuhri knows him personally. So anyway, me and my friend used to have talks about relationships and platonic friendships. I am so adamant against platonic friendships between two people of opposite sexes. Dzuhri believes in it because he likes grey areas. Haha.
So anyway, this guy is in a relationship. And from the couple of stories I'm told by my friend, I advised her to be watchful of his intentions. He's in a relationship and he knows my friend is in a relationship, yet he still made a move on her. She was confused. I wasn't surprised.
Dzuhri then told me about the other stories this guy had. Apparently, he's made moves on many other girls while being in a relationship. So then we started to analyse his intentions.
I thought that he was just being a prick. Cos I've seen his girlfriend and she's not too bad. But I doubt she knows about his skirt-chasing ways. Me and Dzuhri both agreed he was only looking for scandals and cheap thrills. Then Dzuhri said something which made sense.
'Maybe he has a superiority complex. Where he thinks he's damn hot and every girl would wanna have a thing with him.'.
I had to agree on that man. And knowing me, I would rarely concede a point to anyone in an argument. So kudos to him for that.
Ok. So from the point-of-view of a couple of guys just chilling out and talking, we both agreed what he did and is still doing, is wrong. It's just not right for you to be in a relationship (although I go a step further and pledge my devotion and abstain without being in one...haha), and go around looking for cheap thrills. What's your girlfriend for then?
But I just call that behaviour typical of a bastard and a genuine prick. After those guys who take advantage of girls, I would place this category of guys.
I dunno. Maybe it's the way I've been raised. But let's not start mud-slinging our parents yea? Blame's on guys who think with their dicks instead of with their hearts. =P
So anyway after that insightful discussion and subsequent walk, we went to the LT to do our presentation. Haha. I had the feeling, for the first time, of standing at the podium and talking to an LT (albeit it was pretty empty) and I can't explain why, but I was DAMN RELAXED. Haha. Could there be a future yet for me as a lecturer?
We finished out presentation, returned to our seats and I started gaming on my laptop. A couple of other teams went up to do theirs and it wasn't until this group went up that I started to pay attention (but I did clap sincerely for the others). Why? Because this girl couldn't stop looking in my direction. At first I thought she was just looking in the general vicinity of my seat. Til our eyes locked repeatedly. Haha. Was shocked so I just continued gaming. Turns out we weren't the only ones who noticed it cos after a few more looks, Dzuhri tapped my shoulder and showed me a message he typed on his handphone, 'Bro, she keeps looking at you!'. Haha..
Not funny.. =)
I dunno how to react to such a thing. But I won't do anything I guess. I've been questioning myself lately about what I would do if someone else came into my life. And I realised that with what I'm feeling for Princess now, things would be very complicated. It would take alot for the other party to convince me. I know its unfair but I can't help it. No other girl has had the ability to make me smile and make my heart skip a beat every time I see her. Princess has. =)
So I went to fetch Nur totally confused. I didn't wanna think too much about it because I have been accused of that many times. Haha. We took a cab back and I started to doze off in the cab cos I was so fatigued. All that accumulated fatigue from the past 3 days finally caught up and I fell asleep. Felt bad cos Princess didn't have anyone to talk to so I tried to keep myself awake. Haha. So sent her off and walked back to the interchange where I got on a bus. And after getting a seat, dozed off. Haha. Good thing the ride wasn't too long.
Got home and rested for awhile before realising it was time to give Princess a call and we talked for 15 minutes while she walked home. I love these moments we get to talk to each other and I wish we could for longer but that would have meant a longer walk for her and a more expensive bill for me. Haha.
Slept like a log...
Woke up around 10 in the morning and Nur was asking if I was schooling. Told her I wasn't and if she wanted a lift to work. So she said yes and I was happy cos I thought I wouldn't get to see her today. =) But was pitying her cos the girl's been on her feet since Monday and she was so tired. Bought her some pastries for lunch and her Pokka Green Tea again and went to fetch her.
'Why don't you take Avenue 4? It's nearer,' she said.
And guess who I bumped into?
Eleanor! Haha.
Eleanor's a friend from the school I was relieving. We didn't hit it off from the start till one day we were stuck in the lounge (cos everyone had left) and started talking. And she became a friend. Haha. Anyway, she used to be stressed with stuff I used to pop by her table and offer her food and jokes to get her mind off stuff. And here she was in the car next to mine and singing to a song like nothing's happening. Haha. I honked and honked but she didn't hear so I pulled up beside her at the traffic light and screamed her name, to no avail. So I did the only thing I could and started waving at her. Haha. Finally caught her attention.
So we parted ways and I continued sending Princess to work. It was a nice goodbye. =)
Ran errands..sian...
Went home..thought could rest...had to fetch mum...sian..
THEN....
'Would you like me to fetch you from tuition? You're so tired.'
'Okies'
YAAY!!!
Haha. I'm so tired now and I have to get up early tomorrow to send her to work. =)I'll just update more tomorrow la. But I just want everyone to know:
I'm having the second BEST week of this year, so far! =)
I am in love with, Nur.
I fetched Princess from work yesterday.
I fetched her from tuition today.
This is my second BEST week for this year so far. =)
(First best week was when I got to spend 5 days straight with her)
I'm so happy I got to spend time with her.
Yesterday was a freaky day. I was watching Goodfellas on HBO and was wondering what time I should get ready for school. I was so adamant about class starting at 130 that I thought I could leave late. Then I realised English was at 1230. And Goodfellas ended at 1130. And since it takes me 1hr and 15min to get to school, I was already late. But I wouldn't have missed that movie for anything.
So I made my way to school and I realised that since it wasn't peak hour, all the public transport sucked. Was so mad. And I got to class at 1. But everything turned out alright. Had lunch at the canteen and got to talk things out with Dzuhri.
We both know this guy from school. I know him through another friend and Dzuhri knows him personally. So anyway, me and my friend used to have talks about relationships and platonic friendships. I am so adamant against platonic friendships between two people of opposite sexes. Dzuhri believes in it because he likes grey areas. Haha.
So anyway, this guy is in a relationship. And from the couple of stories I'm told by my friend, I advised her to be watchful of his intentions. He's in a relationship and he knows my friend is in a relationship, yet he still made a move on her. She was confused. I wasn't surprised.
Dzuhri then told me about the other stories this guy had. Apparently, he's made moves on many other girls while being in a relationship. So then we started to analyse his intentions.
I thought that he was just being a prick. Cos I've seen his girlfriend and she's not too bad. But I doubt she knows about his skirt-chasing ways. Me and Dzuhri both agreed he was only looking for scandals and cheap thrills. Then Dzuhri said something which made sense.
'Maybe he has a superiority complex. Where he thinks he's damn hot and every girl would wanna have a thing with him.'.
I had to agree on that man. And knowing me, I would rarely concede a point to anyone in an argument. So kudos to him for that.
Ok. So from the point-of-view of a couple of guys just chilling out and talking, we both agreed what he did and is still doing, is wrong. It's just not right for you to be in a relationship (although I go a step further and pledge my devotion and abstain without being in one...haha), and go around looking for cheap thrills. What's your girlfriend for then?
But I just call that behaviour typical of a bastard and a genuine prick. After those guys who take advantage of girls, I would place this category of guys.
I dunno. Maybe it's the way I've been raised. But let's not start mud-slinging our parents yea? Blame's on guys who think with their dicks instead of with their hearts. =P
So anyway after that insightful discussion and subsequent walk, we went to the LT to do our presentation. Haha. I had the feeling, for the first time, of standing at the podium and talking to an LT (albeit it was pretty empty) and I can't explain why, but I was DAMN RELAXED. Haha. Could there be a future yet for me as a lecturer?
We finished out presentation, returned to our seats and I started gaming on my laptop. A couple of other teams went up to do theirs and it wasn't until this group went up that I started to pay attention (but I did clap sincerely for the others). Why? Because this girl couldn't stop looking in my direction. At first I thought she was just looking in the general vicinity of my seat. Til our eyes locked repeatedly. Haha. Was shocked so I just continued gaming. Turns out we weren't the only ones who noticed it cos after a few more looks, Dzuhri tapped my shoulder and showed me a message he typed on his handphone, 'Bro, she keeps looking at you!'. Haha..
Not funny.. =)
I dunno how to react to such a thing. But I won't do anything I guess. I've been questioning myself lately about what I would do if someone else came into my life. And I realised that with what I'm feeling for Princess now, things would be very complicated. It would take alot for the other party to convince me. I know its unfair but I can't help it. No other girl has had the ability to make me smile and make my heart skip a beat every time I see her. Princess has. =)
So I went to fetch Nur totally confused. I didn't wanna think too much about it because I have been accused of that many times. Haha. We took a cab back and I started to doze off in the cab cos I was so fatigued. All that accumulated fatigue from the past 3 days finally caught up and I fell asleep. Felt bad cos Princess didn't have anyone to talk to so I tried to keep myself awake. Haha. So sent her off and walked back to the interchange where I got on a bus. And after getting a seat, dozed off. Haha. Good thing the ride wasn't too long.
Got home and rested for awhile before realising it was time to give Princess a call and we talked for 15 minutes while she walked home. I love these moments we get to talk to each other and I wish we could for longer but that would have meant a longer walk for her and a more expensive bill for me. Haha.
Slept like a log...
Woke up around 10 in the morning and Nur was asking if I was schooling. Told her I wasn't and if she wanted a lift to work. So she said yes and I was happy cos I thought I wouldn't get to see her today. =) But was pitying her cos the girl's been on her feet since Monday and she was so tired. Bought her some pastries for lunch and her Pokka Green Tea again and went to fetch her.
'Why don't you take Avenue 4? It's nearer,' she said.
And guess who I bumped into?
Eleanor! Haha.
Eleanor's a friend from the school I was relieving. We didn't hit it off from the start till one day we were stuck in the lounge (cos everyone had left) and started talking. And she became a friend. Haha. Anyway, she used to be stressed with stuff I used to pop by her table and offer her food and jokes to get her mind off stuff. And here she was in the car next to mine and singing to a song like nothing's happening. Haha. I honked and honked but she didn't hear so I pulled up beside her at the traffic light and screamed her name, to no avail. So I did the only thing I could and started waving at her. Haha. Finally caught her attention.
So we parted ways and I continued sending Princess to work. It was a nice goodbye. =)
Ran errands..sian...
Went home..thought could rest...had to fetch mum...sian..
THEN....
'Would you like me to fetch you from tuition? You're so tired.'
'Okies'
YAAY!!!
Haha. I'm so tired now and I have to get up early tomorrow to send her to work. =)I'll just update more tomorrow la. But I just want everyone to know:
I'm having the second BEST week of this year, so far! =)
I am in love with, Nur.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Act 5 , Scene 11: Devotion
Perseverance (noun):
- steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., esp. in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.
Devotion (noun):
- ardent, often selfless affection and dedication, as to a person
- feelings of ardent love
- earnest attachment to a cause, person, etc.
Yesterday, another friend of mine said she didn't agree with what I'm doing in my blog. As of today, 4 people have said they disagreed. For them, and the rest who haven't voiced your displeasure, the first definition is for you.
This was our conversation. It's abridged. Hope you don't mind ya? =)
Her (NOT Princess): Seems like you're in a tight spot.
Me: To me, I'm fine. I'm in love with a girl who has a boyfriend and who tells me we can only be friends.But sometimes I see her second-guessing herself.
Her: Yup, pretty much sums it up.
Me: (cont'd) Like as if she's questioning herself if she can allow me to be more but convincing herself at the same time that I can't. So I have what is called HOPE. I have alot of that actually. That's my flaw. I'm always thinking wishfully and in the end I'll usually get hurt. But then again, life's pretty boring if I always get things my way.
Her: I think so too. Ultimately, you'll get hurt. As an outsider reading, it seems she is misleading you or being selfish. But you seem to be willing to be treated this way.
*PAUSE*
Ok. Princess has always made it clear her position. She is not leading me on. I am leading myself on. We agreed on this.
*PLAY*
Me: Hmm, please don't think badly of her. She's told me many times it can not be. I'm taking the risk and whatever rewards or pain that I feel, It's my doing. I am only showing her what we could have been.
Her: I know. But she allows you to care for her.
Me: If she changes her mind, good. If she doesn't, I wouldn't regret the way I have treated her. It would have been the same even if she was just a friend. That's how I treated H, remember? The way I always brought food for her and always made sure she had something to eat. Whether she eats them or not is not my concern. As long as I've shown my concern, I've done my part. I'm that kind of guy la.
Her: Ok. Slightly more than a friend la?
Me: Some people may think it's good. Many think its not. But its a concern borne out of friendship. And the most important thing is that it's genuine. I mean, it's not like a front I'm putting up that's gonna stop when we're not friends or have an argument.
Her: Yea. I can 'feel' that too. You're that kind of person.
Me: Haha. Thank you.
Her: I'm just concerned for you if it doesn't turn out the way you want it to. I mean, it's like you're falling for the wrong person, or the timing's just wrong.
Me: Hmm, then at least I have a great friendship. I don't see the time and effort that I've spent on her as wasted. I'd still do it even if she was just a friend. If things don't turn out, I just hope she learns something from it.
Her: *smiles*
Me: I'm sure there's someone out there who fits into what she's looking for and who can give her as much as I'm giving her right now. I don't fit but I'm not bitter about it. It also means she may not be the one for me, yet. But I can't help it if I'm so in love with her, cos it's already happened. I just like to express myself.
Me: WHENEVER I WRITE ABOUT HER, IT'S NOT TO ASK FOR SYMPATHY.IT'S TO LET EVERYONE KNOW HOW MUCH I ENJOY DOING IT FOR HER BECAUSE, WELL, IT MEANS, I GET TO SPEND TIME WITH HER AND NOTHING ELSE MAKES ME HAPPIER THAN THAT.
Her: That's really sweet.
Me: Haha. She doesn't realise that la.
Her: It's really nice la.
Me: She says she can't have feelings for me cos she's in love with her boyfriend. But from the way she talks to me, I know she's not tuned to what I'm saying and doing for her. So it's abit hard to prove it to her, but I keep trying.
Her: Hopefully, one day, she'll feel for you.
Me: Hopefully la. Haha..now I've infected you with my HOPE.
__________________________________________________________
I wish I could have had that conversation with everyone who's told me to move on.
I guess I'm kinda devoted to Princess. But I still believe I love her as a friend before I am in love with her. Haha. Hope that made sense cos it did to me. =)
Yesterday Princess was in NIE. I met her for a few seconds only but she looked so flustered I thought she was in trouble. We had sms-ed each other in the morning and she kinda went quiet after I said some stuff. After which she didn't reply other than asking for directions. I didn't wanna push things cos we'd argued the day before so I left her and went for lunch. After which I left school to go to Johor to fill up the fuel tank. Then I got a message from her asking me where I was. I called to tell her I had gone off and we managed a few minutes before she had to go again. Then she messaged me again asking me about the location of the toilets before once again, she called me to ask me where I was. I was at the passport clearance station into Singapore so I had to put down the phone.
Stopping after the checkpoint, I called her again and again we had a short chat while she was buying food. It's hard to explain but I was so happy I got to talk to her for that few minutes each time, although the combined time would not have exceeded 10 minutes. But I was happy cos we haven't talked for 2 days.
That evening, I finally got her on the phone for more than a few minutes. She was walking home from tuition and as always, I'll always volunteer to keep her company. Haha. I love it when she complains. Cos she usually just talks and talks and I'll just listen intently and try to offer solutions. I hope it makes her feel better, though.
Then today, I finally got to fetch her from work. We didn't have much time and she was extremely fatigued after the whole of Monday in NIE and today, having to do a briefing. So she was pretty grumpy when I met her. But her mood changed when I got her some puffs from Esso to eat plus her favourite Pokka Green Tea. Haha. Tips for pleasing Princess.
Went to Yishun dam so she could complete her meal and we got to talking. Was really nice to see the change in her and seeing her being so jovial. Maybe it was from being with me? Haha. =)
Then at 715, dropped her off at her tuition with the promise of a return trip at 9. So off I went to Yishun Dam again to watch the airplanes fly.
Was really windy and cos of my own fatigue from sleeping at 1 this morning, I started sneezing. Walked around abit to warm myself up. There were really alot of airplanes around Seletar Airport today. Dunno why.
So anyway, fetched Nur at 9 and sent her home.
And as I was going down the stairs, I thought about the movie, Love Actually, where the character of the author is driving his housekeeper home and he says in English, 'This is the saddest part of my day; because I have to send you home.'. And the housekeeper replies in Portugese, 'This is the happiest part of my day; because I get to spend time with you.'. AWWWW.... =) Haha. Princess says she doesn't like the movie (she doesn't enjoy romantic movies). But the first time I saw that scene, I went, 'Oh my God..that's so perfect. The writer's a genius.'. It's cos they don't understand each other's languages but the feeling they felt was mutual. Hai..I wonder if Princess feels that way. =)
Ok so anyway, tomorrow's my last day of school for the week cos my math tutor's on reservist. So holiday starts on Thursday til next Sunday. Haha. Next week is Recess week. =) More time to spend with Princess. YAAY!
I love, Nur.
- steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., esp. in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.
Devotion (noun):
- ardent, often selfless affection and dedication, as to a person
- feelings of ardent love
- earnest attachment to a cause, person, etc.
Yesterday, another friend of mine said she didn't agree with what I'm doing in my blog. As of today, 4 people have said they disagreed. For them, and the rest who haven't voiced your displeasure, the first definition is for you.
This was our conversation. It's abridged. Hope you don't mind ya? =)
Her (NOT Princess): Seems like you're in a tight spot.
Me: To me, I'm fine. I'm in love with a girl who has a boyfriend and who tells me we can only be friends.But sometimes I see her second-guessing herself.
Her: Yup, pretty much sums it up.
Me: (cont'd) Like as if she's questioning herself if she can allow me to be more but convincing herself at the same time that I can't. So I have what is called HOPE. I have alot of that actually. That's my flaw. I'm always thinking wishfully and in the end I'll usually get hurt. But then again, life's pretty boring if I always get things my way.
Her: I think so too. Ultimately, you'll get hurt. As an outsider reading, it seems she is misleading you or being selfish. But you seem to be willing to be treated this way.
*PAUSE*
Ok. Princess has always made it clear her position. She is not leading me on. I am leading myself on. We agreed on this.
*PLAY*
Me: Hmm, please don't think badly of her. She's told me many times it can not be. I'm taking the risk and whatever rewards or pain that I feel, It's my doing. I am only showing her what we could have been.
Her: I know. But she allows you to care for her.
Me: If she changes her mind, good. If she doesn't, I wouldn't regret the way I have treated her. It would have been the same even if she was just a friend. That's how I treated H, remember? The way I always brought food for her and always made sure she had something to eat. Whether she eats them or not is not my concern. As long as I've shown my concern, I've done my part. I'm that kind of guy la.
Her: Ok. Slightly more than a friend la?
Me: Some people may think it's good. Many think its not. But its a concern borne out of friendship. And the most important thing is that it's genuine. I mean, it's not like a front I'm putting up that's gonna stop when we're not friends or have an argument.
Her: Yea. I can 'feel' that too. You're that kind of person.
Me: Haha. Thank you.
Her: I'm just concerned for you if it doesn't turn out the way you want it to. I mean, it's like you're falling for the wrong person, or the timing's just wrong.
Me: Hmm, then at least I have a great friendship. I don't see the time and effort that I've spent on her as wasted. I'd still do it even if she was just a friend. If things don't turn out, I just hope she learns something from it.
Her: *smiles*
Me: I'm sure there's someone out there who fits into what she's looking for and who can give her as much as I'm giving her right now. I don't fit but I'm not bitter about it. It also means she may not be the one for me, yet. But I can't help it if I'm so in love with her, cos it's already happened. I just like to express myself.
Me: WHENEVER I WRITE ABOUT HER, IT'S NOT TO ASK FOR SYMPATHY.IT'S TO LET EVERYONE KNOW HOW MUCH I ENJOY DOING IT FOR HER BECAUSE, WELL, IT MEANS, I GET TO SPEND TIME WITH HER AND NOTHING ELSE MAKES ME HAPPIER THAN THAT.
Her: That's really sweet.
Me: Haha. She doesn't realise that la.
Her: It's really nice la.
Me: She says she can't have feelings for me cos she's in love with her boyfriend. But from the way she talks to me, I know she's not tuned to what I'm saying and doing for her. So it's abit hard to prove it to her, but I keep trying.
Her: Hopefully, one day, she'll feel for you.
Me: Hopefully la. Haha..now I've infected you with my HOPE.
__________________________________________________________
I wish I could have had that conversation with everyone who's told me to move on.
I guess I'm kinda devoted to Princess. But I still believe I love her as a friend before I am in love with her. Haha. Hope that made sense cos it did to me. =)
Yesterday Princess was in NIE. I met her for a few seconds only but she looked so flustered I thought she was in trouble. We had sms-ed each other in the morning and she kinda went quiet after I said some stuff. After which she didn't reply other than asking for directions. I didn't wanna push things cos we'd argued the day before so I left her and went for lunch. After which I left school to go to Johor to fill up the fuel tank. Then I got a message from her asking me where I was. I called to tell her I had gone off and we managed a few minutes before she had to go again. Then she messaged me again asking me about the location of the toilets before once again, she called me to ask me where I was. I was at the passport clearance station into Singapore so I had to put down the phone.
Stopping after the checkpoint, I called her again and again we had a short chat while she was buying food. It's hard to explain but I was so happy I got to talk to her for that few minutes each time, although the combined time would not have exceeded 10 minutes. But I was happy cos we haven't talked for 2 days.
That evening, I finally got her on the phone for more than a few minutes. She was walking home from tuition and as always, I'll always volunteer to keep her company. Haha. I love it when she complains. Cos she usually just talks and talks and I'll just listen intently and try to offer solutions. I hope it makes her feel better, though.
Then today, I finally got to fetch her from work. We didn't have much time and she was extremely fatigued after the whole of Monday in NIE and today, having to do a briefing. So she was pretty grumpy when I met her. But her mood changed when I got her some puffs from Esso to eat plus her favourite Pokka Green Tea. Haha. Tips for pleasing Princess.
Went to Yishun dam so she could complete her meal and we got to talking. Was really nice to see the change in her and seeing her being so jovial. Maybe it was from being with me? Haha. =)
Then at 715, dropped her off at her tuition with the promise of a return trip at 9. So off I went to Yishun Dam again to watch the airplanes fly.
Was really windy and cos of my own fatigue from sleeping at 1 this morning, I started sneezing. Walked around abit to warm myself up. There were really alot of airplanes around Seletar Airport today. Dunno why.
So anyway, fetched Nur at 9 and sent her home.
And as I was going down the stairs, I thought about the movie, Love Actually, where the character of the author is driving his housekeeper home and he says in English, 'This is the saddest part of my day; because I have to send you home.'. And the housekeeper replies in Portugese, 'This is the happiest part of my day; because I get to spend time with you.'. AWWWW.... =) Haha. Princess says she doesn't like the movie (she doesn't enjoy romantic movies). But the first time I saw that scene, I went, 'Oh my God..that's so perfect. The writer's a genius.'. It's cos they don't understand each other's languages but the feeling they felt was mutual. Hai..I wonder if Princess feels that way. =)
Ok so anyway, tomorrow's my last day of school for the week cos my math tutor's on reservist. So holiday starts on Thursday til next Sunday. Haha. Next week is Recess week. =) More time to spend with Princess. YAAY!
I love, Nur.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Act 5, Scene 10: Everything
Finally went to service the car today. Haha.
Had class in the morning so I drove and got a free parking space. Found a dead Bittern at the side of the PE block while walking from the carpark. From the looks of it, I think it must have slammed into the building while flying at night. A bittern is a small bird which looks like a heron. It is usually found around bodies of water as its diet includes fish, amphibians and insects which it finds around the bodies of water it resides in. NIE isn't too far away from the sea and if I'm not too mistaken, there are a number of service reservoirs as well as reservoirs in the Sarimbun-Murai live-firing area where these birds are most likely found. NIE has its own pond too (which I discovered to my horror today, had several of its rocks painted, most probably by art students).
Anyway, the bittern is this bird which is pretty reclusive and I've only seen them a few times myself either in Sungei Buloh or other nature parks around the island. I believe that the one I found was a Yellow Bittern. I didn't pick it up or snap a photo of it cos I actually found it kind of morbid to do such things but I'll try returning next week to see if it's still there and if I can get a picture of it. But I doubt it. Anyway here's a nice picture I found of it online on Wikipedia. This is one with its neck outstretched. Usually the neck isn't so outstretched and when I found it, it isn't as large as the one in the photo.
Here's another photo of another type of waterfowl (birds that live near water) that I frequently encounter while gamboling in nature reserves. It's called a White-Breated Waterhen.
These waterhens aren't too difficult to spot and identify as they are pretty used to seeing people around. But please do not approach them as they're considered as wildlife and its always good to keep that respect between us and them. =)
I usually see the waterhen on the fringes of NIE where the school meets the tree-line. I even saw one once beside the expressway in Woodlands.
Sheesh..I'm taking so long to write this entry cos I'm reading up on birds on Wikipedia. Haha. Okok..A few other birds I've seen would be: White-Bellied Fish Eagle, Brahminy's Kite(which I saw just last week at the street soccer court in front of my house, possibly hunting rats), a variety of Kingfishers but mostly the Common and White Throated varieties(I've spotted a few Collared Kingfishers which are a beautiful shade of sheer light blue and white), the two more common kinds of herons, the Grey Heron and the Purple Heron, a Dollarbird that nested in this tree beside the BKE, Koels(those birds that make the loud wailing calls every morning and evening and when you come close, they stop), the usual swifts and..OH OH!..when I was younger, I saw this pair of nesting Hornbills at Sentosa. Was so cool. Hai..back then, it was easier to find such animals. I kinda feel bad that most people in Singapore only know of animals in the zoo and are ignorant enough, when they do see one in the wild, to do things like scaring it away and sometimes killing it (although sometimes you get really silly people asking for 4D numbers ah; let me make a suggestion k? How bout next time they find a cobra, get it to bite them and as they're dying, gather their family members around them and recite a series of random numbers..Do this everytime there's a big payout)
Hmm, how did this post turn into a nature show? Haha. I dunno la. I actually wanted to be a biologist but things didn't turn out that way. Maybe when I'm free from teaching I might try to do something related to it yea?
Oh well, weekend's here. Most probably gonna spend tomorrow doing my assignments and maybe visit Sungei Buloh on Sunday. Sian..
Oh, didnt get to talk to Nur too much today. But just wished her well.
Hmm, about the servicing..haha. My car has a dedicated workshop working on it ah. Most cars nowadays do. It takes the guess work out of having to find a shop to do your servicing for you and anyway its alot safer to use a shop like this. So anyway, I dropped off the car, took my bag and walked to Junction 8. The place's in Sin Ming so most drivers would know where that is. So as I was walking, I noticed that not many people were out at that time (it was 1030 am) so I was just enjoying my walk. Got to Junction 8 and debated with myself over watching a movie and going to a coffee joint to chill since I had my laptop with me. Decided on the movie since I havent seen one for so long, I made the fateful decision to watch Sweeney Todd. So there I was with a drink and nachos in hand with a grand total of 3 other people in the theatre. Haha. The movie being M18 really helped alot. Hmm, I expected something better coming from Johnny Depp but he was a miserable man throughout. Tim Burton really murders his movies and I am once again affirmed on the fact why I don't enjoy movies like The Corpse Bride and Planet of the Apes. Next time I wanna watch a Tim Burton movie, someone please stab me with a razor blade (which I find extremely painful as Alan Rickman got stabbed with it repeatedly in the neck; THE THING'S A CUTTING TOOL FOR EVERYONE'S SAKE! YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO STAB WITH IT!) Anyway for those looking to watch it, hmm, try and not eat anything before you go and after you do, you'll find yourself questioning meat pies and singing barbers forever.
So as the movie was ending, the shop called me up and so I began my walk back there. Bishan has alot of winding roads through the neighbourhoods so I just cut through some estates on my walk back. So the car got it's fog lamp bulb changed, a new reverse sensor speaker installed, wheels rotated, oil changed etc. Haha. And it got cleaned and I got a free umbrella. Haha. For $160 I would have asked for two. =P So with the new oil and everything, I kinda sped my way back home. Haha. So fun la when the car can accelerate quickly.
Gosh..I need to get to bed. It's 1230 already. Princess' adopted brother is coming over tomorrow. Don't know if I'll get to talk to her. But I hope I do. I miss her already. =(
Sleep tight, Nur.
Had class in the morning so I drove and got a free parking space. Found a dead Bittern at the side of the PE block while walking from the carpark. From the looks of it, I think it must have slammed into the building while flying at night. A bittern is a small bird which looks like a heron. It is usually found around bodies of water as its diet includes fish, amphibians and insects which it finds around the bodies of water it resides in. NIE isn't too far away from the sea and if I'm not too mistaken, there are a number of service reservoirs as well as reservoirs in the Sarimbun-Murai live-firing area where these birds are most likely found. NIE has its own pond too (which I discovered to my horror today, had several of its rocks painted, most probably by art students).
Anyway, the bittern is this bird which is pretty reclusive and I've only seen them a few times myself either in Sungei Buloh or other nature parks around the island. I believe that the one I found was a Yellow Bittern. I didn't pick it up or snap a photo of it cos I actually found it kind of morbid to do such things but I'll try returning next week to see if it's still there and if I can get a picture of it. But I doubt it. Anyway here's a nice picture I found of it online on Wikipedia. This is one with its neck outstretched. Usually the neck isn't so outstretched and when I found it, it isn't as large as the one in the photo.
Here's another photo of another type of waterfowl (birds that live near water) that I frequently encounter while gamboling in nature reserves. It's called a White-Breated Waterhen.
These waterhens aren't too difficult to spot and identify as they are pretty used to seeing people around. But please do not approach them as they're considered as wildlife and its always good to keep that respect between us and them. =)
I usually see the waterhen on the fringes of NIE where the school meets the tree-line. I even saw one once beside the expressway in Woodlands.
Sheesh..I'm taking so long to write this entry cos I'm reading up on birds on Wikipedia. Haha. Okok..A few other birds I've seen would be: White-Bellied Fish Eagle, Brahminy's Kite(which I saw just last week at the street soccer court in front of my house, possibly hunting rats), a variety of Kingfishers but mostly the Common and White Throated varieties(I've spotted a few Collared Kingfishers which are a beautiful shade of sheer light blue and white), the two more common kinds of herons, the Grey Heron and the Purple Heron, a Dollarbird that nested in this tree beside the BKE, Koels(those birds that make the loud wailing calls every morning and evening and when you come close, they stop), the usual swifts and..OH OH!..when I was younger, I saw this pair of nesting Hornbills at Sentosa. Was so cool. Hai..back then, it was easier to find such animals. I kinda feel bad that most people in Singapore only know of animals in the zoo and are ignorant enough, when they do see one in the wild, to do things like scaring it away and sometimes killing it (although sometimes you get really silly people asking for 4D numbers ah; let me make a suggestion k? How bout next time they find a cobra, get it to bite them and as they're dying, gather their family members around them and recite a series of random numbers..Do this everytime there's a big payout)
Hmm, how did this post turn into a nature show? Haha. I dunno la. I actually wanted to be a biologist but things didn't turn out that way. Maybe when I'm free from teaching I might try to do something related to it yea?
Oh well, weekend's here. Most probably gonna spend tomorrow doing my assignments and maybe visit Sungei Buloh on Sunday. Sian..
Oh, didnt get to talk to Nur too much today. But just wished her well.
Hmm, about the servicing..haha. My car has a dedicated workshop working on it ah. Most cars nowadays do. It takes the guess work out of having to find a shop to do your servicing for you and anyway its alot safer to use a shop like this. So anyway, I dropped off the car, took my bag and walked to Junction 8. The place's in Sin Ming so most drivers would know where that is. So as I was walking, I noticed that not many people were out at that time (it was 1030 am) so I was just enjoying my walk. Got to Junction 8 and debated with myself over watching a movie and going to a coffee joint to chill since I had my laptop with me. Decided on the movie since I havent seen one for so long, I made the fateful decision to watch Sweeney Todd. So there I was with a drink and nachos in hand with a grand total of 3 other people in the theatre. Haha. The movie being M18 really helped alot. Hmm, I expected something better coming from Johnny Depp but he was a miserable man throughout. Tim Burton really murders his movies and I am once again affirmed on the fact why I don't enjoy movies like The Corpse Bride and Planet of the Apes. Next time I wanna watch a Tim Burton movie, someone please stab me with a razor blade (which I find extremely painful as Alan Rickman got stabbed with it repeatedly in the neck; THE THING'S A CUTTING TOOL FOR EVERYONE'S SAKE! YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO STAB WITH IT!) Anyway for those looking to watch it, hmm, try and not eat anything before you go and after you do, you'll find yourself questioning meat pies and singing barbers forever.
So as the movie was ending, the shop called me up and so I began my walk back there. Bishan has alot of winding roads through the neighbourhoods so I just cut through some estates on my walk back. So the car got it's fog lamp bulb changed, a new reverse sensor speaker installed, wheels rotated, oil changed etc. Haha. And it got cleaned and I got a free umbrella. Haha. For $160 I would have asked for two. =P So with the new oil and everything, I kinda sped my way back home. Haha. So fun la when the car can accelerate quickly.
Gosh..I need to get to bed. It's 1230 already. Princess' adopted brother is coming over tomorrow. Don't know if I'll get to talk to her. But I hope I do. I miss her already. =(
Sleep tight, Nur.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Act 5, Scene 9: Yellow-mindedness
Happy V-Day to everyone! =)
I remembered I made a small poster for this girl I liked last year during V-day. Well actually I was at MOE doing my appointment briefing in the morning but I went back to work after and gave it to her. Haha.
This year, I started off with sleeping at 130 in the morning trying to convince someone to come to the class gathering we're having on Saturday. Then I woke up at 6 to send my dad to work. Came back and sent my mum to work.
I'd planned to bring in the car for servicing today. So I drove all the way down to Sin Ming and guess what? It was closed!..but I didn't wanna waste my drive so I went to Upper Pierce Reservoir to go look at the monkeys. Haha. I was feeling very happy that there weren't many people around. So I drove around abit before heading home.
Nodded off while watching TV so I went to bed to catch up on some Zs. Woke up to find that Princess wasn't having a happy day cos she quarelled with her Mum. And she didn't want to eat because of that. So being the Worrybug that I am, I had to convince her to eat something and knowing that she would not do it on her own, I went to get it for her.
She needs to eat cos when she suddenly stops, she falls sick. So thank you for eating something, Princess. =) *pats head*
So anyway, today I had a very strange episode where my Grammar just went to hell. I started putting past tense in a present situation and 'S'es behind every conceivable verb that I muttered. I had to physically slap myself to stop.
We had our dinner in the car at Yishun dam. And we spent some time people watching. I realise Nur gets quiet when I bring up the topic of other guys. Hmm, dunno why oso.
So then after dropping her off at tuition and saying goodbyes, I went to fetch my dad and finally headed home. Had a short chat with Princess on the phone to complete a very nice day. =D
Now, I'm going to sleep. Haha.
Sweet dreams, Nur.
and
Happy V-Day, Princess.
I remembered I made a small poster for this girl I liked last year during V-day. Well actually I was at MOE doing my appointment briefing in the morning but I went back to work after and gave it to her. Haha.
This year, I started off with sleeping at 130 in the morning trying to convince someone to come to the class gathering we're having on Saturday. Then I woke up at 6 to send my dad to work. Came back and sent my mum to work.
I'd planned to bring in the car for servicing today. So I drove all the way down to Sin Ming and guess what? It was closed!..but I didn't wanna waste my drive so I went to Upper Pierce Reservoir to go look at the monkeys. Haha. I was feeling very happy that there weren't many people around. So I drove around abit before heading home.
Nodded off while watching TV so I went to bed to catch up on some Zs. Woke up to find that Princess wasn't having a happy day cos she quarelled with her Mum. And she didn't want to eat because of that. So being the Worrybug that I am, I had to convince her to eat something and knowing that she would not do it on her own, I went to get it for her.
She needs to eat cos when she suddenly stops, she falls sick. So thank you for eating something, Princess. =) *pats head*
So anyway, today I had a very strange episode where my Grammar just went to hell. I started putting past tense in a present situation and 'S'es behind every conceivable verb that I muttered. I had to physically slap myself to stop.
We had our dinner in the car at Yishun dam. And we spent some time people watching. I realise Nur gets quiet when I bring up the topic of other guys. Hmm, dunno why oso.
So then after dropping her off at tuition and saying goodbyes, I went to fetch my dad and finally headed home. Had a short chat with Princess on the phone to complete a very nice day. =D
Now, I'm going to sleep. Haha.
Sweet dreams, Nur.
and
Happy V-Day, Princess.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Act 5, Scene 8: Embedded
I gotta blog quickly cos I still haven't studied for my test tomorrow. But that doesn't mean it's going to be a short one. =)
I forgot how much I loved taking the bus. I don't anymore cos I've got to be in school alot nowadays and there're always stuff cropping up. But as I was sitting in the bus for the second time in two days, coming back from sending Nur home, I remembered how much I used to like riding on buses. You see, buses are different from other modes of transport. On a train, you'll most likely be viewing things from up-top and the scenery rarely changes. You pretty much know what time you're gonna reach your destination.
On a bus, there is a sense of unpredictability. Firstly, because of traffic conditions, you wouldn't know exactly what time you'll be reaching your destination. And then, the scenery is dynamic. It changes according to the time of day and your location. You are not constrained by the track and the bus can go fast or slow.
I remembered after JC, when all my friends had gone into NS and I was waiting for my turn, I used to take buses all across the island. I would get up one day, take a bus to anywhere and just randomly choose another bus to get me to places I had no clue of. If I saw an interesting place, I'd just press the button and get off and walk around before hopping onto another bus to continue my journey. I'd often do this alone as not only were my friends gone, it also gave me valuable time to think about what lay ahead for me.
I remember I would always take 960, just a stone's throw away from my house, all the way down to Marina Square. There, I would hike over to a few places in town such as Orchard (Kinokuniya) or the Padang. I never had a plan for what I was going to do and I never did care if I ever had one. All I needed was my bottle of water, my pens and a note pad, all comfortably stuck in the brown sling bag some of you might have seen me carrying.
I would visit places such as East Coast and the Airport and walk around, trying to get a sense of the place. I would observe people and structures and colours and sounds and get so much inspiration for my writing.
When would I know when to head back? Definitely not when I got tired. Because I would sleep in the bus and even that would have been an adventure. =) I remember I once slept on a bus for so long, that by the time I woke up, the bus driver was starting his second shift of the route. Haha. And there were many times when I was awaken by bus drivers who were sweeping the buses after the last routes of the day.
But the best thing I learnt from these trips were lessons about myself. And today was no different.
Have you ever stopped yourself and asked, 'What does a friendship mean to me?'.
To me, I'm friends with people I can be comfortable with and with whom I am comfortable sharing my jokes and stories with; who I know when they laugh, do not laugh at me but with me; who I know when I am sad, will not think to utter a single negative word; and who I know, I will try my very best to return the favour.
Recently, I re-evaluated the friends I had about me. Yes, I have one I care more about than the rest; but she needs it. What about the rest?
Before boarding the bus today, I bumped into a friend of mine I haven't met for a while. She was doing her contract teaching at the school I was doing relief teaching at. I saw her from across the street actually and I bounded across to say hello. I remembered she used to be very stressed out with what we had to do and I would always bounce over to her desk at the other end of the staff room with a bunch of sweets and a smile to cheer her up. We talked for a few moments and parted ways.
As I was walking away, I thought about all the times we used to have together. And I thought about where our lives have taken us. And I remembered Nur saying this, 'When I get married to Amin, what makes you think we'll still be able to do this?'. That got me thinking. I've had good friends back from my days at various places. But everytime life pushes us forward to take the next step, we either part ways, or one of us gets left behind. If we could, we would all want to keep all our friends around us. But we don't. Or at least..I don't.
Maybe it's something I've said or done. Maybe because of all the time we spend together before, when it stopped, we couldn't find it in us to start again.
I hope I get to keep the friends I have now, close to me. And I hope that no matter what I've said or done, or am going to say or do in future, that they will forgive me in advance.
For Nur, I'm just looking out for you. I always have and always will. But if you don't want me to anymore, I won't. I have to trust you to make your own decisions some time, right? =)
Oh well, enough nostalgia. I've got to go study for my test now. Wish me luck. =) Or at least pray for me..Haha.
Thanks, Nur.
I forgot how much I loved taking the bus. I don't anymore cos I've got to be in school alot nowadays and there're always stuff cropping up. But as I was sitting in the bus for the second time in two days, coming back from sending Nur home, I remembered how much I used to like riding on buses. You see, buses are different from other modes of transport. On a train, you'll most likely be viewing things from up-top and the scenery rarely changes. You pretty much know what time you're gonna reach your destination.
On a bus, there is a sense of unpredictability. Firstly, because of traffic conditions, you wouldn't know exactly what time you'll be reaching your destination. And then, the scenery is dynamic. It changes according to the time of day and your location. You are not constrained by the track and the bus can go fast or slow.
I remembered after JC, when all my friends had gone into NS and I was waiting for my turn, I used to take buses all across the island. I would get up one day, take a bus to anywhere and just randomly choose another bus to get me to places I had no clue of. If I saw an interesting place, I'd just press the button and get off and walk around before hopping onto another bus to continue my journey. I'd often do this alone as not only were my friends gone, it also gave me valuable time to think about what lay ahead for me.
I remember I would always take 960, just a stone's throw away from my house, all the way down to Marina Square. There, I would hike over to a few places in town such as Orchard (Kinokuniya) or the Padang. I never had a plan for what I was going to do and I never did care if I ever had one. All I needed was my bottle of water, my pens and a note pad, all comfortably stuck in the brown sling bag some of you might have seen me carrying.
I would visit places such as East Coast and the Airport and walk around, trying to get a sense of the place. I would observe people and structures and colours and sounds and get so much inspiration for my writing.
When would I know when to head back? Definitely not when I got tired. Because I would sleep in the bus and even that would have been an adventure. =) I remember I once slept on a bus for so long, that by the time I woke up, the bus driver was starting his second shift of the route. Haha. And there were many times when I was awaken by bus drivers who were sweeping the buses after the last routes of the day.
But the best thing I learnt from these trips were lessons about myself. And today was no different.
Have you ever stopped yourself and asked, 'What does a friendship mean to me?'.
To me, I'm friends with people I can be comfortable with and with whom I am comfortable sharing my jokes and stories with; who I know when they laugh, do not laugh at me but with me; who I know when I am sad, will not think to utter a single negative word; and who I know, I will try my very best to return the favour.
Recently, I re-evaluated the friends I had about me. Yes, I have one I care more about than the rest; but she needs it. What about the rest?
Before boarding the bus today, I bumped into a friend of mine I haven't met for a while. She was doing her contract teaching at the school I was doing relief teaching at. I saw her from across the street actually and I bounded across to say hello. I remembered she used to be very stressed out with what we had to do and I would always bounce over to her desk at the other end of the staff room with a bunch of sweets and a smile to cheer her up. We talked for a few moments and parted ways.
As I was walking away, I thought about all the times we used to have together. And I thought about where our lives have taken us. And I remembered Nur saying this, 'When I get married to Amin, what makes you think we'll still be able to do this?'. That got me thinking. I've had good friends back from my days at various places. But everytime life pushes us forward to take the next step, we either part ways, or one of us gets left behind. If we could, we would all want to keep all our friends around us. But we don't. Or at least..I don't.
Maybe it's something I've said or done. Maybe because of all the time we spend together before, when it stopped, we couldn't find it in us to start again.
I hope I get to keep the friends I have now, close to me. And I hope that no matter what I've said or done, or am going to say or do in future, that they will forgive me in advance.
For Nur, I'm just looking out for you. I always have and always will. But if you don't want me to anymore, I won't. I have to trust you to make your own decisions some time, right? =)
Oh well, enough nostalgia. I've got to go study for my test now. Wish me luck. =) Or at least pray for me..Haha.
Thanks, Nur.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Act 5, Scene 7: Sian-ness
I can't think of anything to blog about. Thus the title.
Oh, what have I been doing over the holidays? Let's see:
I had lecture on Monday. Then I went with a friend to a car inspection. Then I went home. So bored.
Tuesday I didn't have school. Princess didn't go to work too cos she twisted her ankle. So in the afternoon, she got abit peckish and started craving for tidbits. Thus, being the good friend that I am, I went out to get her some stuff and hand-delivered it to her home; which was the first time I saw her in glasses and not wearing her headscarf. Haha. I don't need to say I'm smitten again right? =P
Then I went to do my swim. Ehs...did I blog about this before? o_O
Oh yea..I did. Oh well..
Hmm, Wednesday was a half day so I had a lesson in the morning. Then I ferried some friends home from school cos they were rushing to get back since it was Chinese New Year's Eve. I remember rushing my assignment early in the morning cos it was due at 12. Then I can't remember what I did for the rest of the day..bummer.
Thursday..did nothing.
Friday..woke up at 11. Had brunch. Went for prayers. Went swimming. Haha.
Saturday..Finally I did something. I went out to Vivocity cos my sister wanted to utilise her voucher to get a new phone. But can I suggest something: PLEASE DO NOT DRIVE TO VIVOCITY ON WEEKENDS! I sat in the car waiting for the parking gantry to open for half an hour. Then when I finally reached the gantry, I pressed the button for the intercom, and this was what happened:
Operator: Yes?
Me: Ah hello ah! Will I get free parking if I park at Vivocity?
Operator: Eh, no lah. Parking here must pay one.
Me: Oh. But then ah, I've been sitting here for half an hour waiting for the gantry to open you know? Don't you think I should get a free pass?
Operator: Oh. Half an hour? Nevermind, I open the gantry for you.
Me: Really ah?
After a few seconds.
Me: Ey! Never open leh?!
Haha..then it opened la. So I didn't have to wait for so long for it to open. So that made me wonder; if those people before me had complained, I guess the gantry would have opened for us instead of for the people on the other side. Haha.. Aggressive Assertion wins again.
Then I proceeded to do this thing drivers hate called 'Finding a Parking Spot'. But having been in this situation in Vivocity before, I proceeded to use a special trick called 'I-don't-really-care-where-I-park-because-I've-already-paid-for-the-entry-thus-I-can-park-wherever-I-want-as-long-as-I-don't-impede-traffic', also known as 'Parking Illegally(so that you don't waste time trying to find a parking spot and all the shops will close)'. Vivocity was damned packed. So had to queue at the Starhub shop and another round of frustrating waiting. Got so hungry..=P
By the time we were done at the shop, all the other shops were closing. So we went to the rooftop and I waded around in the pool for a while. I mean, waded as in walked around..haha. They didn't have lights and I was the only one so it was pretty freaky when the mannequin started swinging. Haha. Considering I was up to my knees in the water and holding on to my crocs and handphone, I tried to make haste. But it was fun. I like getting wet. Of course..it'll make more sense if my clothes didn't get wet too.
So then at night, I went out for supper while waiting for Princess to get back from Malacca. I didn't realise my phone was giving me problems so I didn't get her message. Only got it at 3 in the morning when I got back and switched my phone off and back on again. Hai..she hasn't replied yet though. Hope everything's ok.
Oh well, I'm finding it so boring now. So tempted to go swimming again. Haha. I think I will. =)
Missed ya, Nur.
Oh, what have I been doing over the holidays? Let's see:
I had lecture on Monday. Then I went with a friend to a car inspection. Then I went home. So bored.
Tuesday I didn't have school. Princess didn't go to work too cos she twisted her ankle. So in the afternoon, she got abit peckish and started craving for tidbits. Thus, being the good friend that I am, I went out to get her some stuff and hand-delivered it to her home; which was the first time I saw her in glasses and not wearing her headscarf. Haha. I don't need to say I'm smitten again right? =P
Then I went to do my swim. Ehs...did I blog about this before? o_O
Oh yea..I did. Oh well..
Hmm, Wednesday was a half day so I had a lesson in the morning. Then I ferried some friends home from school cos they were rushing to get back since it was Chinese New Year's Eve. I remember rushing my assignment early in the morning cos it was due at 12. Then I can't remember what I did for the rest of the day..bummer.
Thursday..did nothing.
Friday..woke up at 11. Had brunch. Went for prayers. Went swimming. Haha.
Saturday..Finally I did something. I went out to Vivocity cos my sister wanted to utilise her voucher to get a new phone. But can I suggest something: PLEASE DO NOT DRIVE TO VIVOCITY ON WEEKENDS! I sat in the car waiting for the parking gantry to open for half an hour. Then when I finally reached the gantry, I pressed the button for the intercom, and this was what happened:
Operator: Yes?
Me: Ah hello ah! Will I get free parking if I park at Vivocity?
Operator: Eh, no lah. Parking here must pay one.
Me: Oh. But then ah, I've been sitting here for half an hour waiting for the gantry to open you know? Don't you think I should get a free pass?
Operator: Oh. Half an hour? Nevermind, I open the gantry for you.
Me: Really ah?
After a few seconds.
Me: Ey! Never open leh?!
Haha..then it opened la. So I didn't have to wait for so long for it to open. So that made me wonder; if those people before me had complained, I guess the gantry would have opened for us instead of for the people on the other side. Haha.. Aggressive Assertion wins again.
Then I proceeded to do this thing drivers hate called 'Finding a Parking Spot'. But having been in this situation in Vivocity before, I proceeded to use a special trick called 'I-don't-really-care-where-I-park-because-I've-already-paid-for-the-entry-thus-I-can-park-wherever-I-want-as-long-as-I-don't-impede-traffic', also known as 'Parking Illegally(so that you don't waste time trying to find a parking spot and all the shops will close)'. Vivocity was damned packed. So had to queue at the Starhub shop and another round of frustrating waiting. Got so hungry..=P
By the time we were done at the shop, all the other shops were closing. So we went to the rooftop and I waded around in the pool for a while. I mean, waded as in walked around..haha. They didn't have lights and I was the only one so it was pretty freaky when the mannequin started swinging. Haha. Considering I was up to my knees in the water and holding on to my crocs and handphone, I tried to make haste. But it was fun. I like getting wet. Of course..it'll make more sense if my clothes didn't get wet too.
So then at night, I went out for supper while waiting for Princess to get back from Malacca. I didn't realise my phone was giving me problems so I didn't get her message. Only got it at 3 in the morning when I got back and switched my phone off and back on again. Hai..she hasn't replied yet though. Hope everything's ok.
Oh well, I'm finding it so boring now. So tempted to go swimming again. Haha. I think I will. =)
Missed ya, Nur.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Act 5, Scene 6: Watch movie
See title:
Haha. I know its a super long clip but this has got to be one of my more favourite segments in one of my most favourite films EVER. (Plus obviously I couldn't find a suitable clip from the net for this entry)
Notable mentions include Corporal Ong's order for Ah Beng to 'Drop 10'; the classic, 'Gentlemen, my Grandmother can do it better than you!' and its equally classic reply of 'Then ask your Grandmother to do la!'; and one of the funniest (albeit theatrical) scenes in the whole movie:
Cpl Ong: 'Ah, very good ah. Very strong! Sideburn also, very long! Gentlemen, can you hear someone calling you?'
(Kumar stands over Cpl Ong's shoulder and mocks listening as if his girlfriend is calling out to him.)
Malcolm: 'Corporal, maybe it's my mother.'
Cpl Ong: (incredulously) 'WHO?!'
Johan: 'Sir! Maybe bapak saya(my father), sir!'
Cpl Ong: 'Gentlemen, do you all know why you all cannot hear? Because your bleddy hair is too long; covering your ears. Gentlemen, the barber is calling you. COME, CUT HAIR! COME, CUT HAIR!'
Haha..I love it when he raises his arms, looks out into the distance and says, almost as if he was doing no wrong, 'COME, CUT HAIR!'. Haha.
So thinking about that, I went to do exactly what he said. Here's what happened:
After the first few snips, I thought:
'Wow, you're one good looking bugger!'
Then:
'Hmm, uncle is making me look like Jude Law..COOL!'
Thereafter:
'Hey..now I look like Kurt Russell in some war movie..erm..'
Then he said something un-understandable in Malay (for those of you who aren't so well-informed, firstly, I can't hear very well when people speak softly; secondly, my Malay already sucks so if it's not even discernible, DEY UNCLE! HOW CAN I UNDERSTAND?! Oh and he's Chinese so he pretty much mangled what he was trying to say)
After a further alteration:
'Oh damn..oh please, no...I have no idea who I look like now. But why didn't he just stop at Jude Law?!'
But at least he shaved the little bits of ends of my hair. Haha. I love it when barbers do that. It makes the hair grow better and I just like running my hands over it when I'm lying down doing nothing. Haha.
So today was a weird day. I went to do a little delivery at Princess' place cos she wasn't working and couldn't go out. So she got a little care package from me. Haha. She looked great, as always, even without her make-up and wearing those glasses. I've been trying to get her to wear them but she refuses. Finally I got to see them. =)
Then on my way back, I thought, 'Hmm, since I'm going swimming, why don't I take 856 since it's gonna pass by the swimming pool?'. Piece of advice, don't. So many Malaysians were going back from the various factories along the way and my bus driver was just one good-natured bastard. He practically waited at every bus stop till everyone had a seat. Sometimes it took so long I felt like punching him.
Speaking of punches, I wanna beat up the idiots in the one of the English Modules. Where the Hell did you get your doctorates from? Your English usage in the INSTRUCTIONS alone were so difficult to understand, I nearly gave up. Plus noone explained it to me in detail cos we're wasting so much time on super long lectures which nobody understands anyway. AW FUCK LA, K!
Okies..enough anger. Good thing I had my swim. A group of secondary school kids were just leaving when I arrived and the pool was near empty. I had such a good time completing my swim. Haha. Another day, another mile. =)
Then, got home and watched HAPPY FEET..and I remembered seeing this group of toddlers at the swimming pool. They looked to be about 3-4 years old and were having swimming lessons; only instead of having lessons, they had an instructor who sat them at the side of the kiddy pool and encouraged them to come into the water. There were a few who were scared so he splashed water on them to get them accustomed. Haha. They were so cute cos they weren't crying and when they wanted to get out of the pool, he made them stand in two lines and put their hands on the shoulders of the kid in front of them. SO CUTE LA! It's like a kindergarten class. Haha. Then the boys had a separate class and the girls had their own instructor. I can just imagine sending my kids to that. Build up their water-confidence before I push them into the deep end and make them swim 1-mile laps with me. Haha. Like Princess said, 'So evil.'. It's not being evil dear; its imparting values and life-skills. Haha.
Ok..time to hunker down and get those assignments done. 1 today, 2 tomorrow. =P
Watch your step, Nur. =)
Haha. I know its a super long clip but this has got to be one of my more favourite segments in one of my most favourite films EVER. (Plus obviously I couldn't find a suitable clip from the net for this entry)
Notable mentions include Corporal Ong's order for Ah Beng to 'Drop 10'; the classic, 'Gentlemen, my Grandmother can do it better than you!' and its equally classic reply of 'Then ask your Grandmother to do la!'; and one of the funniest (albeit theatrical) scenes in the whole movie:
Cpl Ong: 'Ah, very good ah. Very strong! Sideburn also, very long! Gentlemen, can you hear someone calling you?'
(Kumar stands over Cpl Ong's shoulder and mocks listening as if his girlfriend is calling out to him.)
Malcolm: 'Corporal, maybe it's my mother.'
Cpl Ong: (incredulously) 'WHO?!'
Johan: 'Sir! Maybe bapak saya(my father), sir!'
Cpl Ong: 'Gentlemen, do you all know why you all cannot hear? Because your bleddy hair is too long; covering your ears. Gentlemen, the barber is calling you. COME, CUT HAIR! COME, CUT HAIR!'
Haha..I love it when he raises his arms, looks out into the distance and says, almost as if he was doing no wrong, 'COME, CUT HAIR!'. Haha.
So thinking about that, I went to do exactly what he said. Here's what happened:
After the first few snips, I thought:
'Wow, you're one good looking bugger!'
Then:
'Hmm, uncle is making me look like Jude Law..COOL!'
Thereafter:
'Hey..now I look like Kurt Russell in some war movie..erm..'
Then he said something un-understandable in Malay (for those of you who aren't so well-informed, firstly, I can't hear very well when people speak softly; secondly, my Malay already sucks so if it's not even discernible, DEY UNCLE! HOW CAN I UNDERSTAND?! Oh and he's Chinese so he pretty much mangled what he was trying to say)
After a further alteration:
'Oh damn..oh please, no...I have no idea who I look like now. But why didn't he just stop at Jude Law?!'
But at least he shaved the little bits of ends of my hair. Haha. I love it when barbers do that. It makes the hair grow better and I just like running my hands over it when I'm lying down doing nothing. Haha.
So today was a weird day. I went to do a little delivery at Princess' place cos she wasn't working and couldn't go out. So she got a little care package from me. Haha. She looked great, as always, even without her make-up and wearing those glasses. I've been trying to get her to wear them but she refuses. Finally I got to see them. =)
Then on my way back, I thought, 'Hmm, since I'm going swimming, why don't I take 856 since it's gonna pass by the swimming pool?'. Piece of advice, don't. So many Malaysians were going back from the various factories along the way and my bus driver was just one good-natured bastard. He practically waited at every bus stop till everyone had a seat. Sometimes it took so long I felt like punching him.
Speaking of punches, I wanna beat up the idiots in the one of the English Modules. Where the Hell did you get your doctorates from? Your English usage in the INSTRUCTIONS alone were so difficult to understand, I nearly gave up. Plus noone explained it to me in detail cos we're wasting so much time on super long lectures which nobody understands anyway. AW FUCK LA, K!
Okies..enough anger. Good thing I had my swim. A group of secondary school kids were just leaving when I arrived and the pool was near empty. I had such a good time completing my swim. Haha. Another day, another mile. =)
Then, got home and watched HAPPY FEET..and I remembered seeing this group of toddlers at the swimming pool. They looked to be about 3-4 years old and were having swimming lessons; only instead of having lessons, they had an instructor who sat them at the side of the kiddy pool and encouraged them to come into the water. There were a few who were scared so he splashed water on them to get them accustomed. Haha. They were so cute cos they weren't crying and when they wanted to get out of the pool, he made them stand in two lines and put their hands on the shoulders of the kid in front of them. SO CUTE LA! It's like a kindergarten class. Haha. Then the boys had a separate class and the girls had their own instructor. I can just imagine sending my kids to that. Build up their water-confidence before I push them into the deep end and make them swim 1-mile laps with me. Haha. Like Princess said, 'So evil.'. It's not being evil dear; its imparting values and life-skills. Haha.
Ok..time to hunker down and get those assignments done. 1 today, 2 tomorrow. =P
Watch your step, Nur. =)
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Act 5, Scene 5: 5 Days and a Happy Birthday
It's my mum's birthday today so a shout-out to that first.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUM. LOVE YA FOR LOVING ME. Haha..I always manage to make everything about me.
My parents are coming back from Sarawak tonight. So there goes my absolute freedom. This time around it wasn't as bad as when they went to France. Haha..
I bought my mum a bouquet of roses and Calla Lillies. Far East flora and the whole stretch of road there was jammed-packed with cars cos everyone was buying Willows and Lukan Plants for Chinese New Year.
Went with Princess and she was having some trouble with her contacts. But it was nice cos it was drizzling slightly and when we entered the cold room, it was numbing. Nur giggled when she realised our breaths turned white when we spoke cos she never thought it'd happen in real life. Cute right? =)
When I got back, I felt abit pensive while cutting the thorns off the roses. Here is what went through my mind:
I'm sure somewhere around the world, someone's come up with a species of rose that doesn't grow thorns (cos there are seedless grapes and sweet oranges). And if they can do that, they can also make the rose always smell sweet.
So somewhere in the world right now, there is a type of rose that does not have thorns and is perfectly sweet-smelling. Let's call this rose the Perfect Rose.
Now, how did the Perfect Rose come about? Surely, somewhere in history, someone must have said, 'Wow. I wish roses didn't have thorns. Then we won't be spending so much time cutting them off and in the process, hurt ourselves.'. And there must have been another person saying, 'I wish all the roses smelt sweet; instead of just a few in this bouquet.'.
And so, in the pursuit of the two ideals, someone strived to invent the Perfect Rose - one without thorns and are sweet-smelling. And I'm sure someone did.
Now, what just happened?
Did everyone around the world said they wanted roses that are without thorns and sweet-smelling?
No...
There are some who was not in that camp. They may have liked the thorns but not the sweet scent; or they may have liked the scent but not the thorns; or they may have liked both. So in reality, there are four different types of views on the Perfect Rose.
I'm sure when the Perfect Rose was first introduced, some people found that maybe it wasn't all that it was touted to be. And some of those people who initially liked the idea, started missing the thorns or the scentless roses.
Why am I saying this?
When I was snipping off the thorns of the roses, I noticed something. Some roses had many big thorns; some had many small thorns; some had a bunch of leaves; some had no leaves; some had a mixture. And I started thinking, 'I can't say I hate thorns because this rose has no thorns for me to hate.' And something hit me.
The roses in that bunch were like the people we meet in life. Some have all the good traits, some have all the bad traits, some have a mixture. But to each of us, we define good and bad differently. And so to me, I may hate a certain trait in someone but another person may not judge that person by that.
Then I thought, 'Well, maybe instead of hating cutting off the thorns, I could maybe accept them for what they are and in snipping them off, I am moulding the rose to be more acceptable.' And soon, I didn't mind snipping off the thorns anymore.
What I'm saying is, we don't usually meet the right person the first time around. We usually see something rough and not to our liking. But give him/her time to grow and soon, you'll accept the thorns for what they are.
Sometimes, I feel I don't deserve you. Because when I look in the mirror, I see what you see; and I know its not what you want. I worry about what others will think and I worry about how you might be affected by it. Honestly, I feel that there is someone out there who is good for you; and I am just a path for you to get there.
But I want to try..to risk everything, and find out, even if it fails, to know what it would have felt like. Because at the end of the day, we still have our friendship.
Time will tell and God-willing, I will have my chance. But not now.. =)
Thanks for the best week I have ever had in my life. I thank God for every moment I was granted to spend with you..as a friend. I can not be happier.
I can wait, Nur.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUM. LOVE YA FOR LOVING ME. Haha..I always manage to make everything about me.
My parents are coming back from Sarawak tonight. So there goes my absolute freedom. This time around it wasn't as bad as when they went to France. Haha..
I bought my mum a bouquet of roses and Calla Lillies. Far East flora and the whole stretch of road there was jammed-packed with cars cos everyone was buying Willows and Lukan Plants for Chinese New Year.
Went with Princess and she was having some trouble with her contacts. But it was nice cos it was drizzling slightly and when we entered the cold room, it was numbing. Nur giggled when she realised our breaths turned white when we spoke cos she never thought it'd happen in real life. Cute right? =)
When I got back, I felt abit pensive while cutting the thorns off the roses. Here is what went through my mind:
I'm sure somewhere around the world, someone's come up with a species of rose that doesn't grow thorns (cos there are seedless grapes and sweet oranges). And if they can do that, they can also make the rose always smell sweet.
So somewhere in the world right now, there is a type of rose that does not have thorns and is perfectly sweet-smelling. Let's call this rose the Perfect Rose.
Now, how did the Perfect Rose come about? Surely, somewhere in history, someone must have said, 'Wow. I wish roses didn't have thorns. Then we won't be spending so much time cutting them off and in the process, hurt ourselves.'. And there must have been another person saying, 'I wish all the roses smelt sweet; instead of just a few in this bouquet.'.
And so, in the pursuit of the two ideals, someone strived to invent the Perfect Rose - one without thorns and are sweet-smelling. And I'm sure someone did.
Now, what just happened?
Did everyone around the world said they wanted roses that are without thorns and sweet-smelling?
No...
There are some who was not in that camp. They may have liked the thorns but not the sweet scent; or they may have liked the scent but not the thorns; or they may have liked both. So in reality, there are four different types of views on the Perfect Rose.
I'm sure when the Perfect Rose was first introduced, some people found that maybe it wasn't all that it was touted to be. And some of those people who initially liked the idea, started missing the thorns or the scentless roses.
Why am I saying this?
When I was snipping off the thorns of the roses, I noticed something. Some roses had many big thorns; some had many small thorns; some had a bunch of leaves; some had no leaves; some had a mixture. And I started thinking, 'I can't say I hate thorns because this rose has no thorns for me to hate.' And something hit me.
The roses in that bunch were like the people we meet in life. Some have all the good traits, some have all the bad traits, some have a mixture. But to each of us, we define good and bad differently. And so to me, I may hate a certain trait in someone but another person may not judge that person by that.
Then I thought, 'Well, maybe instead of hating cutting off the thorns, I could maybe accept them for what they are and in snipping them off, I am moulding the rose to be more acceptable.' And soon, I didn't mind snipping off the thorns anymore.
What I'm saying is, we don't usually meet the right person the first time around. We usually see something rough and not to our liking. But give him/her time to grow and soon, you'll accept the thorns for what they are.
Sometimes, I feel I don't deserve you. Because when I look in the mirror, I see what you see; and I know its not what you want. I worry about what others will think and I worry about how you might be affected by it. Honestly, I feel that there is someone out there who is good for you; and I am just a path for you to get there.
But I want to try..to risk everything, and find out, even if it fails, to know what it would have felt like. Because at the end of the day, we still have our friendship.
Time will tell and God-willing, I will have my chance. But not now.. =)
Thanks for the best week I have ever had in my life. I thank God for every moment I was granted to spend with you..as a friend. I can not be happier.
I can wait, Nur.
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Act 5, Scene 4: Lisa's Song
=)
Here's a few of Princess' favourite Lisa moments from the movie.
"Wait..I haven't told you the best part..He's not imaginary!"
Lisa's laugh which is SO like how Nur laughs.
And finally her favourite song from the movie. And a few other memorable scences.
Let's watch it in my car soon, k? =)
Hmm, I wanna go to the ZOO! Haha..with you. Can we do that too?
I had fun today. Thanks for hearing me out. Let's leave the future to what it will become.(But there's no harm in trying to help it along right?) =)
I'm very much in love, Nur.
Friday, February 1, 2008
Act 5, Scene 3: Slump
I saw a squirrel on Wednesday! =) I went to meet Princess at Buona Vista MRT to go home together then she was talking to her cousin, who coincidentally was there too. So in my boredom, I usually just scan my eyes around and, there on a tree in front of me, was a little squirrel munching on some sort of fruit. It was sooo cute. Haha. Notice the lack of succeeding 'O's in 'so'. I don't wanna appear more gay than I already am.
So anyway yesterday I sent my parents off in the morning. Was hilarious la the whole episode. We were supposed to leave home at 630 but at that exact time, my mum knocked on my bedroom door and I opened it and immediately went back to sleep. By the time we were ready, it was close to 730.(I lost my toothbrush ah so I had to go hunting for it)
Then when we reached Terminal 1, we discovered their flight was at Terminal 2. So already we were late (it was 810; usually advised to check in an hour earlier), now we were rushing to Terminal 2. Haha. So anyway they had a sfae journey there but Mum said that Sarawak looks like JB and its constantly raining. They took a river boat ride or something but not too many details coming over. Haha. Hope they're having fun though, since I was the one who put them on a plane there. I'd actually wanted to send them to Bali or Jakarta or even Christmas Island(my Dad was born in Christmas Island so..I AM part-Australian..Hahaha)but my Dad said he wanted to go to Sarawak cos he's always seeing shows on Borneo and Orangutans and he wanted to go see.
Anyway this is not the first time I'm left alone at home.(actually not alone cos my sister is here but pretty much left to my own devices) I was alone when the whole family went to France last year. But I usually have no problems living alone. Haha. Anyway I rarely pick up the home phone when it rings. Haha.
I was planning to go to Sabah in May during the term break this year. I wanna go see Mount Kinabalu. I guess its just a challenge for myself to go travelling since I havent done much over the years. I haven't found anyone to go with but I guess I will soon. I like spending time in nature and just let the surroundings envelope you. It's a release from the dreary life we lead everyday. I guess that's why I go swimming too. Haha.
I usually swim an average of a mile each time I go (it translates to 1.6km). A mile's no joke cos even the Olympic Triathlon distance is just 1.5 km. And when I mean a mile, it means a mile NON-STOP. So three times a week translates to 4.8km. Why am I torturing myself? =)
I wanna take the NSSA test in December. NSSA stands for National Survival Swimming Award. It's this award that's given out to people who have proven that they would be able to survive considerably better in a watery environment. What does it entail? Well, here's a breakdown for the Silver award that I am gunning for.
Attire:
Men: Long Pants, long-sleeve shirt or pyjamas and Tshirt.
Clean Trunks must be worn underneath clothes (you'll understand later)
Test Items:
1) Straddle or tuck jump entry from side of pool and swim 100m in 4 minutes.(To simulate jumping from a vessel or a sudden forced entry into water)
2)Demonstrate ability to 'drown-proof' for 1 minute. (Drown-proofing may involve treading water with arms only or legs only and may involve dunking into water and pushing off from the bottom of the pool)
3) Tread water using one arm, with one arm at the back of the body for 1 minute.
4) Immediately after, tread water using both arms for 3 minutes (Treading of water is different from drown-proofing as treading will not involve the head going under the water, this is probably to simulate being visible to rescuers)
5) Undress in water, make float with attire and use it to swim 25m using legs only.(Now you understand why we need to wear trunks?)
6) Swim 200m using backstroke, 200m using sidestroke, 400m using frontstroke( breast/freestyle). (I guess this part is to test your endurance because if you havent noticed, it's a 800m swim in total)
7) During the course of the front stroke, the candidate must execute 2 dives: 1 head first and 1 leg first (Candidate must swim submerged for at least 5m during dives). (This is to simulate being trapped and needing to dive underwater and swiiming through obstacles)
8) Climb out the deep end of the pool without the use of steps or assistance.
That's it. In case some of you are now saying, 'Oh..that's not too bad.' Here's the catch: THE TEST SEQUENCE SHALL BE CONTINUOUS, in the order set out AND WITHOUT PAUSE. Bad enough for you?
So in the end, a successful candidate must have been able to swim 925m, of which 800m are continuous, 100m is timed and 25m is after undressing and drown-prrofing and treading water for 5 minutes. That is why I'm training with 1-mile swims. =)
Hmm, also on top of my swim regime, I hit the gym about 2-3 times a week. I know, I know. I don't look it. Haha. But I'm not the type of guy who wants to be reed thin. I like being big. And I know I have the strength to back me up when I need it.
Anyway, I'm meeting Nur later again after she meets her on-off boyfriend. I won't go into what happened between us but I realised I rather have her as a friend than not have her at all. I do hope from time to time, but if it doesn't, I'm fine with it too. Tonight, we're going driving! Haha.
I met her yesterday too. Then I went to Northpoint by myself to walk around. There's actually a lot of cool stuff there too. I never knew. Haha. I spent nearly an hour in Popular bookstore. Then I got this bunch of coloured pens to replace my markers. Haha. The salesperson tried to get me to buy in a set but a set of 10 costs $9.65 and their colours weren't the ones I wanted. So I bought a loose set of 12 at 95 cents each..the lady tried to cheat me...Haha. Plus I got the colours I wanted. =)
Oh well, it's the end of the week and next week is e-learning week so there're aren't lessons except for Wednesday morning. I'll see how everything goes..haha. Most probably I'll step up the swimming regime. =)
I'm happy, Nur.
So anyway yesterday I sent my parents off in the morning. Was hilarious la the whole episode. We were supposed to leave home at 630 but at that exact time, my mum knocked on my bedroom door and I opened it and immediately went back to sleep. By the time we were ready, it was close to 730.(I lost my toothbrush ah so I had to go hunting for it)
Then when we reached Terminal 1, we discovered their flight was at Terminal 2. So already we were late (it was 810; usually advised to check in an hour earlier), now we were rushing to Terminal 2. Haha. So anyway they had a sfae journey there but Mum said that Sarawak looks like JB and its constantly raining. They took a river boat ride or something but not too many details coming over. Haha. Hope they're having fun though, since I was the one who put them on a plane there. I'd actually wanted to send them to Bali or Jakarta or even Christmas Island(my Dad was born in Christmas Island so..I AM part-Australian..Hahaha)but my Dad said he wanted to go to Sarawak cos he's always seeing shows on Borneo and Orangutans and he wanted to go see.
Anyway this is not the first time I'm left alone at home.(actually not alone cos my sister is here but pretty much left to my own devices) I was alone when the whole family went to France last year. But I usually have no problems living alone. Haha. Anyway I rarely pick up the home phone when it rings. Haha.
I was planning to go to Sabah in May during the term break this year. I wanna go see Mount Kinabalu. I guess its just a challenge for myself to go travelling since I havent done much over the years. I haven't found anyone to go with but I guess I will soon. I like spending time in nature and just let the surroundings envelope you. It's a release from the dreary life we lead everyday. I guess that's why I go swimming too. Haha.
I usually swim an average of a mile each time I go (it translates to 1.6km). A mile's no joke cos even the Olympic Triathlon distance is just 1.5 km. And when I mean a mile, it means a mile NON-STOP. So three times a week translates to 4.8km. Why am I torturing myself? =)
I wanna take the NSSA test in December. NSSA stands for National Survival Swimming Award. It's this award that's given out to people who have proven that they would be able to survive considerably better in a watery environment. What does it entail? Well, here's a breakdown for the Silver award that I am gunning for.
Attire:
Men: Long Pants, long-sleeve shirt or pyjamas and Tshirt.
Clean Trunks must be worn underneath clothes (you'll understand later)
Test Items:
1) Straddle or tuck jump entry from side of pool and swim 100m in 4 minutes.(To simulate jumping from a vessel or a sudden forced entry into water)
2)Demonstrate ability to 'drown-proof' for 1 minute. (Drown-proofing may involve treading water with arms only or legs only and may involve dunking into water and pushing off from the bottom of the pool)
3) Tread water using one arm, with one arm at the back of the body for 1 minute.
4) Immediately after, tread water using both arms for 3 minutes (Treading of water is different from drown-proofing as treading will not involve the head going under the water, this is probably to simulate being visible to rescuers)
5) Undress in water, make float with attire and use it to swim 25m using legs only.(Now you understand why we need to wear trunks?)
6) Swim 200m using backstroke, 200m using sidestroke, 400m using frontstroke( breast/freestyle). (I guess this part is to test your endurance because if you havent noticed, it's a 800m swim in total)
7) During the course of the front stroke, the candidate must execute 2 dives: 1 head first and 1 leg first (Candidate must swim submerged for at least 5m during dives). (This is to simulate being trapped and needing to dive underwater and swiiming through obstacles)
8) Climb out the deep end of the pool without the use of steps or assistance.
That's it. In case some of you are now saying, 'Oh..that's not too bad.' Here's the catch: THE TEST SEQUENCE SHALL BE CONTINUOUS, in the order set out AND WITHOUT PAUSE. Bad enough for you?
So in the end, a successful candidate must have been able to swim 925m, of which 800m are continuous, 100m is timed and 25m is after undressing and drown-prrofing and treading water for 5 minutes. That is why I'm training with 1-mile swims. =)
Hmm, also on top of my swim regime, I hit the gym about 2-3 times a week. I know, I know. I don't look it. Haha. But I'm not the type of guy who wants to be reed thin. I like being big. And I know I have the strength to back me up when I need it.
Anyway, I'm meeting Nur later again after she meets her on-off boyfriend. I won't go into what happened between us but I realised I rather have her as a friend than not have her at all. I do hope from time to time, but if it doesn't, I'm fine with it too. Tonight, we're going driving! Haha.
I met her yesterday too. Then I went to Northpoint by myself to walk around. There's actually a lot of cool stuff there too. I never knew. Haha. I spent nearly an hour in Popular bookstore. Then I got this bunch of coloured pens to replace my markers. Haha. The salesperson tried to get me to buy in a set but a set of 10 costs $9.65 and their colours weren't the ones I wanted. So I bought a loose set of 12 at 95 cents each..the lady tried to cheat me...Haha. Plus I got the colours I wanted. =)
Oh well, it's the end of the week and next week is e-learning week so there're aren't lessons except for Wednesday morning. I'll see how everything goes..haha. Most probably I'll step up the swimming regime. =)
I'm happy, Nur.
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