It's been a while since I've written down my thoughts here. Nothing much has changed lately. Last semester of school's passed and I'm now on my Practicum. Failed my first TP. =P Bad luck I guess.
Something did happen to me though. I had a chance at love and I gave it up.
Story goes something like this. I met someone new online and at that time, things weren't really looking up for me. We talked alot and we shared our thoughts and feelings with each other. And I knew I wasn't really looking for anything at the time - getting out of love is a hard thing to do and time was really taking its time in passing.
So I did what I always do when I get into such situations - I talked to my friends about it to get an idea of where I was and what I could do. Honestly, I was trying to open myself up to this girl. And I could see her making the same effort for me too. But I admit, I still had feelings for a certain someone and I just couldn't bring myself to lie to this girl. So I called it off. And she got hurt cos she thought we were getting somewhere.
Before I went to KL, I spoke to my friends about what I had done and they all had the same reaction, "Why the hell did you let her go?! She's offering you something which you have always been looking for and you go and ruin it. What the hell is the matter with you?' So then I'd tell them my reason being I couldn't bring myself to fall in love with her when I am obviously still in love with this other person. And one of my friends said something which was at the same time, impactful and true, no matter how much it hurt. She said, 'Why are you waiting for this someone who would never give you what this girl is already offering you?' And I really got what she was saying that I couldn't find an answer. I just sat there dumbfounded.
For everything that I espouse, I still am lost in this little game. I guess the only reason I can find for her sticking with him is that she loves him as much as I love her. And that no matter how much it hurts, we both know we're doing it for the person we love. So maybe my friend was right and I will never get her to feel the same way about me. But I still love her no matter. That's the important thing, right?
Monday, January 19, 2009
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