It's almost the end of the year.
'Yay!' for some..
'Sob..' for others...
I don't speak for the whole human race. Neither do my wishes for the coming year echo theirs.
I wish..
Nevermind =)
I'll do a review of my year tomorrow.
I hope though that everyone can find that one thing that's happened this year that made them happy beyond belief.
I have...
I've got a friend. =)
We spoke today on her way home from work. She called me initially from work but I didn't manage to pick it up. So we talked on her way home. She was bloated from all the food she had. Haha. So cute la..
We talked about our New Year's resolutions, our career plans, our love lives, and our friendship.
These past few days made me realise something.
I know it'll be hard for me to change her mind about giving me a chance..but I realise that I love her. And being in a relationship would actually restrict my love for her. As a friend, we are happier and much more comfortable with each other, we respect each other's views and advice and we laugh more often. I also realise, that I start to feel less the pain of want.
I still love her, but as a friend, my love for her will never stop growing. No matter how many arguments we have. =)
So here's to my new friend..and hopefully my future best friend, Nur. =)
Haha..I can just imagine me bitching with her about people and stuff like we used to.
"You'll always be my Princess. And I'll always be your friend."
Azlan
I treasure, our friendship.
I love, Nur.
Monday, December 31, 2007
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Act 2, Scene 4: Extenuation
" Sometimes, there's nothing wrong with being just a friend. Its about taking the hit because you care about the person."
J.D.
I'll learn, Nur.
J.D.
I'll learn, Nur.
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Act2, Scene 3: Love Actually
I cant believe I missed it!...Man...
Today's Saturday..I met Nur on Thursday.
I had planned to pick her up from work. But since I couldnt get the car at the very last minute, we decided to take a cab. Hmm, before I got there, she called me and said that she wanted to make a short stopover in Jurong first.
I said: 'Amin, huh?'
Nur: 'Yea..but I'm not going to meet him. Just have to do something.'
Me: 'Ok then.'
Ok. For those of you who're asking how I could stand for this..well, I have fetched her from work before just so she can meet Amin. =P Yes..I'm a pushover.
Anyway, here's a transcript of what went on in the cab.
Nur: (showing me a printed picture) What would you think if you saw this?
Me: Wow..you guys have colour printers?
Nur: About the picture lah...
Me: Hmm, four words spring to my mind.
Nur: What four words?
Me: 'I-told-you-so'.
Nur: But just imagine if you were a girl and you saw your boyfriend taking a photo with 5 other girls.
Me: Yea..I know. So when did this happen?
Nur: Recently, just before he left for reservist. He told me that he was going to a party at his friend's place then meeting his work friends after.
Me: Ok...
Nur: He said he was going at 10.
Me: Ten?...at a condo?...a party?.....
(Silence)
Me: My dear, no one can hope to have a party at a condo after 10 pm without the condo management having something to say about it. Obviously it's not at the condo (judging from the photo). Look here (pointing to reflection of light on one of the girl's hands)..I didnt know they had pink lighting at a condo. Plus the people in the back dont look like they're part of a party.
Nur: ....
OK PAUSE!
Haha...in case anyone's wondering why I'm so observant. Well, I've never gotten less than an A in Oral and that comes from my acute observation skills. I have this habit of studying a photo or picture very carefully but not necessarily what the picture is supposed to convey. I study the background, the lighting and the actions to form a conclusion as to the location, timing and behaviour of the subjects in the photos. I dont know why but I just do. And then I form assumptions from my conclusions and explain them. That's how I get an A for my Oral examinations all the time. =)
PUSH: PLAY!
Me: What's this you've written here..Hmm, Aidah..isn't she the girl he liked?
Nur: Yea..and he didnt tell me she was going to be there.
FAST FORWARD THROUGH SILENCE
Me: Can I ask you something?
Nur: Hmm...
Taxi Driver: Eh! Exit Jurong Town Hall Road ah?
Me: (in an annoyed tone) No..go through Corporation Road.
Taxi Driver: Ok..
Me: (back to Nur) What are you expecting by giving him this photo?
Nur: Nothing...
Me: You are expecting something. If not, there is no justification for you to give him this.
Nur: I'm not expecting anything.
Me: One of two things is going to happen when you give him the photo: 1) He's going to get angry and ask for a break up. 2) He's going to say sorry and want you to forgive him.
Nur: ....I'm not expecting anything....
We get out of the cab and walk towards the lift. She's walked ahead, leaving me behind.
Me: Hey..wait up.
Nur: What?
Me: Let me just say one last thing: Be very sure of what you are about to do because if you go up there and things happen and you're gonna come down with more questions than when you went up, dont do it.
Nur: I know what I wanna do.
Me: Ok. I'll wait at the playground.
Nur: There are seats behind the lift.
So she left and I took out my cigarettes and light up (I only smoke when I'm stressed. And she didnt know it but I was...its a long story but I do have other problems). She came down after I'd taken only a few puffs. Hmm, then she scolded me for it and I threw it away.
Nur: Can we go to Northpoint?
Me: Dont you have class?
Nur: I dont feel like going. I've no mood.
Me: (nagging as usual) But you've missed so many classes. Up to you. I dont wanna force you.
Nur: Ok.
I got her some oreos earlier cos she said she was going to class. And I got her both the normal cream-filled ones as well as the chocolate cream ones cos she loves chocolates. =) I gave it to her in the cab on our way to Yishun. I guess it was to cheer her up...
She was sobbing in the cab again..And I didnt know what to do. I asked if she wanted to talk to me about it but she shook her head. So I didnt press.
Halfway, she changed her mind and said she wanted to go to class. I said it was her choice.
I told her I'd be waiting for her when she finished class. It was 645 pm at the time. She finishes at 10...
I spent the time reading and looking around.
When she finished, she made a phone call (or someone called her). I didnt know it at the time but I didnt want to eavesdrop on her conversation so I kept my distance. She didnt realise that I was not following her and she kept walking until I forced the situation by not crossing the road. After she hung up, I found out it was Amin's mum. Apparently, she wanted to apologise to Nur for her son.
Wait a minute...Oh yea..this happened before. Oh well...
Nur showed me a few messages Amin sent her explaining himself and stuff. I just read them and kept quiet.
At the bus stop..
Me: So..what's the conclusion?
Nur: This chapter is closed.
Me: There'll be other chapters.
Nur: Hmm...
On the bus, she started sobbing again.
PAUSE
Ok...I dont know if I should say this. I love Nur. And it breaks my heart everytime she cries. But I've always believed that I'm not one to take advantage of girls. When she cried in the cab, I wanted to take her hand and tell her it'll be alright. When she sobbed in the bus, I wanted to put my arm around her and comfort her. But because of my ideals..I cant. And it makes it so difficult to let her know I'm there for her other than my silence..
PLAY
I messaged her: 'Do you need a hug?'
She read it and said nothing...
My heart broke.
We walked home in silence. Under her block, I told her about my super-embarassing day. Finally, she laughed. I smiled.
I smiled... =)
The End.
Author's notes:
Throughout my time with Nur, I have experienced the best of joys and the worst of pains. The joy of her company, her smile and her laughter. And the pain of seeing her cry and worst of all; of knowing that she will never allow me to be more than friends.
I dont believe that any other guy(other than her boyfriends) has seen her cry and tried to comfort her more than I have. And everytime I do, I do it as a friend.
I desire something more. I desire her companionship.
But I now realise that maybe, if I didnt hurt so bad, she wouldnt too.
From Nur's blog, dated December 13, 2007:
"Gaining weight = Happy
And Azlan has also been feeding me with Mc’Donald’s drive-through meals."
When we first started out, I was seeing someone else. And she was with her boyfriend. But we both agreed that we were in it for the interests of friendship.
Things didnt work out for me and I became close to her. Initially, I did not think much of our friendship. I thought it was nice to have made a new friend.
Then she broke up with Amin and I was there for her. I brought her out to our first dinner together at Mad Jack's in Bukit Timah and told her:
'Judging from what you've told me about Amin and the pattern he is using, I give it a month before he comes crawling back to you.'
It happened. Almost a month to the day I said it.
By that time, Amin was trying to win her back. And I realised that I had developed feelings for her. It got so bad that she ignored me..
Then one day, after rugby training, she messaged me:
'Would you be disappointed if I were to get back with Amin?'
I said I would. I said she shouldnt.
She said it was her decision to make.
I said why was she asking me then.
She said because I was a friend and she valued my advice.
I said why value my advice if she wasn't going to use it?
We argued.
And she said:
'I don't need you. I have other guy friends I can turn to.'
My world crumbled....
Ramadhan came and I prayed for guidance.
I was content. She was not...
I prayed that my feelings would dissipate..I suppressed them...It was painful.
She always believed that she couldnt give a chance to a friend. I always believed that friends can move on and not risk the friendship. I believe that in her heart, she believes we can make it.
But I'm running out of ideas.
I said some stuff in a message I sent her the night we got back from class. But most importanyly I said:
" You'll always be my princess. And I'll always be your friend."
I meant that.
But what can I do?
I wish her heart would open up to my sincerity.
Will someone help me make her see?
I still love, Nur.
Today's Saturday..I met Nur on Thursday.
I had planned to pick her up from work. But since I couldnt get the car at the very last minute, we decided to take a cab. Hmm, before I got there, she called me and said that she wanted to make a short stopover in Jurong first.
I said: 'Amin, huh?'
Nur: 'Yea..but I'm not going to meet him. Just have to do something.'
Me: 'Ok then.'
Ok. For those of you who're asking how I could stand for this..well, I have fetched her from work before just so she can meet Amin. =P Yes..I'm a pushover.
Anyway, here's a transcript of what went on in the cab.
Nur: (showing me a printed picture) What would you think if you saw this?
Me: Wow..you guys have colour printers?
Nur: About the picture lah...
Me: Hmm, four words spring to my mind.
Nur: What four words?
Me: 'I-told-you-so'.
Nur: But just imagine if you were a girl and you saw your boyfriend taking a photo with 5 other girls.
Me: Yea..I know. So when did this happen?
Nur: Recently, just before he left for reservist. He told me that he was going to a party at his friend's place then meeting his work friends after.
Me: Ok...
Nur: He said he was going at 10.
Me: Ten?...at a condo?...a party?.....
(Silence)
Me: My dear, no one can hope to have a party at a condo after 10 pm without the condo management having something to say about it. Obviously it's not at the condo (judging from the photo). Look here (pointing to reflection of light on one of the girl's hands)..I didnt know they had pink lighting at a condo. Plus the people in the back dont look like they're part of a party.
Nur: ....
OK PAUSE!
Haha...in case anyone's wondering why I'm so observant. Well, I've never gotten less than an A in Oral and that comes from my acute observation skills. I have this habit of studying a photo or picture very carefully but not necessarily what the picture is supposed to convey. I study the background, the lighting and the actions to form a conclusion as to the location, timing and behaviour of the subjects in the photos. I dont know why but I just do. And then I form assumptions from my conclusions and explain them. That's how I get an A for my Oral examinations all the time. =)
PUSH: PLAY!
Me: What's this you've written here..Hmm, Aidah..isn't she the girl he liked?
Nur: Yea..and he didnt tell me she was going to be there.
FAST FORWARD THROUGH SILENCE
Me: Can I ask you something?
Nur: Hmm...
Taxi Driver: Eh! Exit Jurong Town Hall Road ah?
Me: (in an annoyed tone) No..go through Corporation Road.
Taxi Driver: Ok..
Me: (back to Nur) What are you expecting by giving him this photo?
Nur: Nothing...
Me: You are expecting something. If not, there is no justification for you to give him this.
Nur: I'm not expecting anything.
Me: One of two things is going to happen when you give him the photo: 1) He's going to get angry and ask for a break up. 2) He's going to say sorry and want you to forgive him.
Nur: ....I'm not expecting anything....
We get out of the cab and walk towards the lift. She's walked ahead, leaving me behind.
Me: Hey..wait up.
Nur: What?
Me: Let me just say one last thing: Be very sure of what you are about to do because if you go up there and things happen and you're gonna come down with more questions than when you went up, dont do it.
Nur: I know what I wanna do.
Me: Ok. I'll wait at the playground.
Nur: There are seats behind the lift.
So she left and I took out my cigarettes and light up (I only smoke when I'm stressed. And she didnt know it but I was...its a long story but I do have other problems). She came down after I'd taken only a few puffs. Hmm, then she scolded me for it and I threw it away.
Nur: Can we go to Northpoint?
Me: Dont you have class?
Nur: I dont feel like going. I've no mood.
Me: (nagging as usual) But you've missed so many classes. Up to you. I dont wanna force you.
Nur: Ok.
I got her some oreos earlier cos she said she was going to class. And I got her both the normal cream-filled ones as well as the chocolate cream ones cos she loves chocolates. =) I gave it to her in the cab on our way to Yishun. I guess it was to cheer her up...
She was sobbing in the cab again..And I didnt know what to do. I asked if she wanted to talk to me about it but she shook her head. So I didnt press.
Halfway, she changed her mind and said she wanted to go to class. I said it was her choice.
I told her I'd be waiting for her when she finished class. It was 645 pm at the time. She finishes at 10...
I spent the time reading and looking around.
When she finished, she made a phone call (or someone called her). I didnt know it at the time but I didnt want to eavesdrop on her conversation so I kept my distance. She didnt realise that I was not following her and she kept walking until I forced the situation by not crossing the road. After she hung up, I found out it was Amin's mum. Apparently, she wanted to apologise to Nur for her son.
Wait a minute...Oh yea..this happened before. Oh well...
Nur showed me a few messages Amin sent her explaining himself and stuff. I just read them and kept quiet.
At the bus stop..
Me: So..what's the conclusion?
Nur: This chapter is closed.
Me: There'll be other chapters.
Nur: Hmm...
On the bus, she started sobbing again.
PAUSE
Ok...I dont know if I should say this. I love Nur. And it breaks my heart everytime she cries. But I've always believed that I'm not one to take advantage of girls. When she cried in the cab, I wanted to take her hand and tell her it'll be alright. When she sobbed in the bus, I wanted to put my arm around her and comfort her. But because of my ideals..I cant. And it makes it so difficult to let her know I'm there for her other than my silence..
PLAY
I messaged her: 'Do you need a hug?'
She read it and said nothing...
My heart broke.
We walked home in silence. Under her block, I told her about my super-embarassing day. Finally, she laughed. I smiled.
I smiled... =)
The End.
Author's notes:
Throughout my time with Nur, I have experienced the best of joys and the worst of pains. The joy of her company, her smile and her laughter. And the pain of seeing her cry and worst of all; of knowing that she will never allow me to be more than friends.
I dont believe that any other guy(other than her boyfriends) has seen her cry and tried to comfort her more than I have. And everytime I do, I do it as a friend.
I desire something more. I desire her companionship.
But I now realise that maybe, if I didnt hurt so bad, she wouldnt too.
From Nur's blog, dated December 13, 2007:
"Gaining weight = Happy
And Azlan has also been feeding me with Mc’Donald’s drive-through meals."
When we first started out, I was seeing someone else. And she was with her boyfriend. But we both agreed that we were in it for the interests of friendship.
Things didnt work out for me and I became close to her. Initially, I did not think much of our friendship. I thought it was nice to have made a new friend.
Then she broke up with Amin and I was there for her. I brought her out to our first dinner together at Mad Jack's in Bukit Timah and told her:
'Judging from what you've told me about Amin and the pattern he is using, I give it a month before he comes crawling back to you.'
It happened. Almost a month to the day I said it.
By that time, Amin was trying to win her back. And I realised that I had developed feelings for her. It got so bad that she ignored me..
Then one day, after rugby training, she messaged me:
'Would you be disappointed if I were to get back with Amin?'
I said I would. I said she shouldnt.
She said it was her decision to make.
I said why was she asking me then.
She said because I was a friend and she valued my advice.
I said why value my advice if she wasn't going to use it?
We argued.
And she said:
'I don't need you. I have other guy friends I can turn to.'
My world crumbled....
Ramadhan came and I prayed for guidance.
I was content. She was not...
I prayed that my feelings would dissipate..I suppressed them...It was painful.
She always believed that she couldnt give a chance to a friend. I always believed that friends can move on and not risk the friendship. I believe that in her heart, she believes we can make it.
But I'm running out of ideas.
I said some stuff in a message I sent her the night we got back from class. But most importanyly I said:
" You'll always be my princess. And I'll always be your friend."
I meant that.
But what can I do?
I wish her heart would open up to my sincerity.
Will someone help me make her see?
I still love, Nur.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Act 2, Scene 2: Lions and Lambs
I'm back people..
Not before a record breaking 170 km/h overtaking manouvere on the North-South Highway. =) Ha. It's a personal best la. =P I've always been recording 160 km/h on the highway cos of my unnatural fear of skidding and DYING. On Singapore roads, it's 150 km/h on Lim Chu Kang road. Ha. Yesyes, the one the Air Force uses as a temporary runway.
Before I get some detractors saying things like, "Why is he boasting about a 170 km/h record?", let me just say this. I'm driving a Toyota Wish (2006) 1.8l carrying a full load on a wet highway trying to overtake a bus on its right side. So you do the math. I weigh about 114kg, my dad's about 100 and so is my sis and my mum's about 70. So total passenger weight is almost 400kg. Plus our two last passenger seats were reclined to stow away a full load of luggage. So that comes up to about 500kg, easy. So to go 170 km/h in wet road conditions trying to over-fu**ing-take a bus is not exactly a magical moment. My heart was pumping so hard after the manouvere, I had to hyperventilate like a pilot for about ten seconds.
Hmm, I clocked in another 200+ km for this trip. Not many people clock in as much time driving I have in such a short time. For the record, I've been driving for only 2 and a half years. I've driven to and from places in Malaysia about six times clocking, at the very least, 200 km each time, on top of my near daily driving in Singapore and my short runs to Johor for fuel. So I clock in close to a third of my car's 41 000km. My dad does the rest. Consider also that for my first year of driving, we drove a 2.0l Honda Accord(1991). So I must've clocked in almost 20 000km on both cars. And in 2 years. Most of them at high speed. Ha..
Ok..enough of my fuel-injected, wet-dream, experience. About Malacca. Well, let's not talk about emotions. =P
My uncle has a farm there. And he has CATS now!..I almost melted when I walked in and saw 4 young kittens suckling. Everyone together now...AWWW.... But the mother cat was abit funny la..
Ok..I assume everyone knows what a Tabby cat looks like? It's those grey ones with darker grey stripes. And I assume everyone knows what a Tri-colour looks like? Its those predominantly white cats with black and ginger spots.
OK.....
Now, imagine those two breeds mated....and that's the mother!..erm..not very beautiful la. But very docile. =)
And the kittens?...Well, I can deduce that the dad's a ginger cos two of them are. One looks like the mum. And the last you ask?.....He's a Tabby and Ginger cross...o_O!
Imagine a grey cat with dark grey stripes..........wait for it...........AND GINGER STRIPED HIND LEGS LA!!!!!!!!!! o_O
Freaky.
I played with the one that looked like the mum. Cute little bugger. He kept mewing everytime I mewed. Then my dad said my uncle wanted me to help him on the farm during my holidays. I actually don't mind the idea cos I like the guy and his family cos they took care of me when I was younger. He never had a daughter and since I was almost always around when I was younger, he took to treating me like a son. He's a former Commando with the Malaysian Armed Forces so he used to have flares and thunderflashes lying around under his house. He let me play around with a few when I was younger, scaring away squirrels and macaques. Haha. And he used to bring me into the jungle to look for tapioca and fruits. But since he retired, he's been farming. So anyway when the idea was brought up, I said I'd do it..if he let me keep one of the kittens. Ha..
I used to stay at his house for weeks on end when I was younger. So once, my parents brought me to the village's Pasar Malam (Night Market/Bazaar) and I bought a chick. Ha..I named him Zlan, cos my dad's name's Mazlan, so you take away the M and you've got my name, Azlan and so you take away the A and you've got the chick's name! Ha..everyone thought it was pretty clever for me back then. =) so anyway, Zlan's a male chick so he'd be a rooster when he grows up. Ha. And from the stories I've heard, he was kinda like me, docile and very accomodating. Plus he likes to be pet. Weird for a rooster...
(NB: I had my first illegal riding lessons on his motorbike there too. Haha...But that's another story)
Hmm, I think I'll go live there during my holidays next July/August. I've had some good memories from there and I think it'd be nice to leave the turmoil I have here and return to simpler times. Ha. Who knows, I might even meet a nice village girl..=)
I miss Nur but we havent had the time to catch up or meet recently. We message each other sometimes but I realise something..I still love her. Hmm, let's keep that to another time too. It's getting noisy at Starbucks now..=P
I love, Nur...still.
Not before a record breaking 170 km/h overtaking manouvere on the North-South Highway. =) Ha. It's a personal best la. =P I've always been recording 160 km/h on the highway cos of my unnatural fear of skidding and DYING. On Singapore roads, it's 150 km/h on Lim Chu Kang road. Ha. Yesyes, the one the Air Force uses as a temporary runway.
Before I get some detractors saying things like, "Why is he boasting about a 170 km/h record?", let me just say this. I'm driving a Toyota Wish (2006) 1.8l carrying a full load on a wet highway trying to overtake a bus on its right side. So you do the math. I weigh about 114kg, my dad's about 100 and so is my sis and my mum's about 70. So total passenger weight is almost 400kg. Plus our two last passenger seats were reclined to stow away a full load of luggage. So that comes up to about 500kg, easy. So to go 170 km/h in wet road conditions trying to over-fu**ing-take a bus is not exactly a magical moment. My heart was pumping so hard after the manouvere, I had to hyperventilate like a pilot for about ten seconds.
Hmm, I clocked in another 200+ km for this trip. Not many people clock in as much time driving I have in such a short time. For the record, I've been driving for only 2 and a half years. I've driven to and from places in Malaysia about six times clocking, at the very least, 200 km each time, on top of my near daily driving in Singapore and my short runs to Johor for fuel. So I clock in close to a third of my car's 41 000km. My dad does the rest. Consider also that for my first year of driving, we drove a 2.0l Honda Accord(1991). So I must've clocked in almost 20 000km on both cars. And in 2 years. Most of them at high speed. Ha..
Ok..enough of my fuel-injected, wet-dream, experience. About Malacca. Well, let's not talk about emotions. =P
My uncle has a farm there. And he has CATS now!..I almost melted when I walked in and saw 4 young kittens suckling. Everyone together now...AWWW.... But the mother cat was abit funny la..
Ok..I assume everyone knows what a Tabby cat looks like? It's those grey ones with darker grey stripes. And I assume everyone knows what a Tri-colour looks like? Its those predominantly white cats with black and ginger spots.
OK.....
Now, imagine those two breeds mated....and that's the mother!..erm..not very beautiful la. But very docile. =)
And the kittens?...Well, I can deduce that the dad's a ginger cos two of them are. One looks like the mum. And the last you ask?.....He's a Tabby and Ginger cross...o_O!
Imagine a grey cat with dark grey stripes..........wait for it...........AND GINGER STRIPED HIND LEGS LA!!!!!!!!!! o_O
Freaky.
I played with the one that looked like the mum. Cute little bugger. He kept mewing everytime I mewed. Then my dad said my uncle wanted me to help him on the farm during my holidays. I actually don't mind the idea cos I like the guy and his family cos they took care of me when I was younger. He never had a daughter and since I was almost always around when I was younger, he took to treating me like a son. He's a former Commando with the Malaysian Armed Forces so he used to have flares and thunderflashes lying around under his house. He let me play around with a few when I was younger, scaring away squirrels and macaques. Haha. And he used to bring me into the jungle to look for tapioca and fruits. But since he retired, he's been farming. So anyway when the idea was brought up, I said I'd do it..if he let me keep one of the kittens. Ha..
I used to stay at his house for weeks on end when I was younger. So once, my parents brought me to the village's Pasar Malam (Night Market/Bazaar) and I bought a chick. Ha..I named him Zlan, cos my dad's name's Mazlan, so you take away the M and you've got my name, Azlan and so you take away the A and you've got the chick's name! Ha..everyone thought it was pretty clever for me back then. =) so anyway, Zlan's a male chick so he'd be a rooster when he grows up. Ha. And from the stories I've heard, he was kinda like me, docile and very accomodating. Plus he likes to be pet. Weird for a rooster...
(NB: I had my first illegal riding lessons on his motorbike there too. Haha...But that's another story)
Hmm, I think I'll go live there during my holidays next July/August. I've had some good memories from there and I think it'd be nice to leave the turmoil I have here and return to simpler times. Ha. Who knows, I might even meet a nice village girl..=)
I miss Nur but we havent had the time to catch up or meet recently. We message each other sometimes but I realise something..I still love her. Hmm, let's keep that to another time too. It's getting noisy at Starbucks now..=P
I love, Nur...still.
Monday, December 24, 2007
Act 2, Scene 1: A Revisit of Scene 1
Nur's away in KL..well, she was away in Malacca but her family decided to visit KL too. I kinda like it when she gets to go travelling cos she doesn't do it often. We havent seen each other since last Friday when I drove her home from work. I miss her. But I guess its for the best; in case my feelings return.
Honestly, I thought I had finally managed to wrest free from my feelings for her. But all this separation has done so far is make me miss her more. I tell myself she's not the one for me and that it would be unfair for her to be mine, but I can't help but feel that maybe I should have given it one more shot.
I asked her on Friday if I should keep trying.
The answer was the same. She said:
1) I should give up.
2) I should find someone else.
3) I should stop asking her the same questions again.
So I did..for a while.
That evening, at 7:33pm, I texted her:
"Have a good trip tmr, Princess.=) try and slp in e bus den time will pass sooner den you think. I hope you have a nice,relaxing but fun trip. dun forget to take pics yea?;)"
Her reply, at 7:34pm:
"Im gonna miss you though.."
After that I called her and messaged her to no avail. I only got a message from her the next day, in which she told everyone she was leaving. We messaged a few times when she told me she was having lunch and leaving for KL. That helped cos at least I knew she was safe and sound. I kinda worry about her too much and we've had disagreements about it cos she feels I'm overdoing my role as a friend.
Sunday: She's in KL. Cute..she messaged me at 1:24 in the morning saying she cant get a good rest cos her dad was snoring. I offered to stay awake to keep her company but I guess she fell asleep. =)
And there was silence for the rest of the day. I really hoped she was having a good time. =)
Then I messaged her at close to 1, Monday morning asking if everything's ok. She said she was in Larkin boarding a bus for Singapore. Feeling better, I wished her a safe journey back and our usual 'good nights' (actually its just me usually. I promised her a message every night before I go to bed and every morning, when she wakes up. Hmm, come to think of it, I always wake up before she's on her way to work.).
Tomorrow, it's my turn to go to Malacca. My paternal family's from there (Mum's side is from Muar). So I guess I'll be driving tomorrow. Ha. Usually takes me about 2 hours worth of hard driving to get there. But my dad has this policy of stopping every hour, so it takes about 3. Honestly, I don't really like driving. Haha. But don't tell that to my dad. =P
Will be back on Tuesday. So Merry Christmas!!
You know what?
I still love, Nur.
Can I try again?
Should I?
Honestly, I thought I had finally managed to wrest free from my feelings for her. But all this separation has done so far is make me miss her more. I tell myself she's not the one for me and that it would be unfair for her to be mine, but I can't help but feel that maybe I should have given it one more shot.
I asked her on Friday if I should keep trying.
The answer was the same. She said:
1) I should give up.
2) I should find someone else.
3) I should stop asking her the same questions again.
So I did..for a while.
That evening, at 7:33pm, I texted her:
"Have a good trip tmr, Princess.=) try and slp in e bus den time will pass sooner den you think. I hope you have a nice,relaxing but fun trip. dun forget to take pics yea?;)"
Her reply, at 7:34pm:
"Im gonna miss you though.."
After that I called her and messaged her to no avail. I only got a message from her the next day, in which she told everyone she was leaving. We messaged a few times when she told me she was having lunch and leaving for KL. That helped cos at least I knew she was safe and sound. I kinda worry about her too much and we've had disagreements about it cos she feels I'm overdoing my role as a friend.
Sunday: She's in KL. Cute..she messaged me at 1:24 in the morning saying she cant get a good rest cos her dad was snoring. I offered to stay awake to keep her company but I guess she fell asleep. =)
And there was silence for the rest of the day. I really hoped she was having a good time. =)
Then I messaged her at close to 1, Monday morning asking if everything's ok. She said she was in Larkin boarding a bus for Singapore. Feeling better, I wished her a safe journey back and our usual 'good nights' (actually its just me usually. I promised her a message every night before I go to bed and every morning, when she wakes up. Hmm, come to think of it, I always wake up before she's on her way to work.).
Tomorrow, it's my turn to go to Malacca. My paternal family's from there (Mum's side is from Muar). So I guess I'll be driving tomorrow. Ha. Usually takes me about 2 hours worth of hard driving to get there. But my dad has this policy of stopping every hour, so it takes about 3. Honestly, I don't really like driving. Haha. But don't tell that to my dad. =P
Will be back on Tuesday. So Merry Christmas!!
You know what?
I still love, Nur.
Can I try again?
Should I?
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Act 1, Scene 7: The End of Act 1
Hmm, I'm contradictory. I know I said Act 1 will end when she's finally accepted me. But I guess that's wishful thinking for now.
It's been a while since I've seen her. And we only got to talk at length when she was on her way to work yesterday.
Today's Aidiladha so: SELAMAT HARI RAYA to everyone.
Went to Assyafaah for Raya prayers. It was nice and cooling and I got to pray in the prayer hall. The sermon today was about....um...I think it was about self-sacrifice and our duty or sacrifice to God. It was a nice sermon. Halfway through it, I started thinking it might be nice if sermons weren't too rigid and there was some humour infused in them. But again, wishful thinking. Ha.
Dad was his usual cranky self cos he hasn't eaten so we went for breakfast at Rubinah's in Sembawang. Thosai was ok. Not too bad. Tea was abit bland though.
Then I got home and slept til FIVE PM!! Pig....
Anyways a funny thing happened yesterday. I was driving my mum to the market in Marsiling and we were passing by the new park beside Republic Poly when I thought,
'Hmm, I was here with Shukor once.' Then when I looked at the bus stop, I saw a guy waiting there (if you live in Woodlands and you know the bus stop you'd also know NOBODY waits there).
So as I drove nearer I thought,
'Hmm, which Bangla is waiting here in the searingly, oppressive heat? Eh wait...that looks like...SHUKOR??!!'
Haha.
He managed a wave as I drove by with my mouth agape; considering my luck. So I did a quick (read: illegal) U-Turn and drove up to him. Apparently he sent his sister's car for servicing and was headed back. I told him my mum was going to the market and I was bored so he agreed to accompany us there. So when my mum went off for marketing we went off for coffee and a chat. Haha. Such luck.
I dropped my mum off at home and accompanied him while he got his car serviced. Apparently the battery's dead so after a few phone calls and stuff, we drove to Alexandra to get the battery changed (cos he believed that it was under warranty). Ha..another surprise...
When the mechanic took out the battery,
'Boss ah. This is not our battery leh. We don't sell this battery here.'
Suddenly there were like 5 people all trying to figure out how the battery ended up in the car. You should have seen us, man. 5 people standing around all staring at the battery and wondering. Ha.
So after a few more phone calls, we discovered that the battery came from a workshop in Bukit Panjang so we just changed it. Ha. What a day. I got back at about 3 plus when Sadik messaged me asking about my results. Suddenly my stomach churned. I asked about his and he told me he got a 3.25 GPA. I panicked! We did our ICT project as a pair so obviously I was afraid.
When my results came on-screen, my hands were actually covering my face. Ha..
So here it is, for all to see.
Ed Psych I B-
Ed Psych II B-
ICT B-
English B+
Math A
GPA: 3.75
I suck.
I was hoping for a GPA of at least a 4.0. =( The Ed Psych modules really pulled me down. And a B+ for English?!! ARGH!!! I don't really mind my A. I was hoping for an A+ but considering I left most of the questions from one chapter blank, an A was the best I should have hoped for. Makes no difference to my GPA,though if it was an A+, it would have stoked my ego abit more. Hee...Not too bad for a first semester I guess considering I averaged a C/D for my Advanced Diploma and a fail in my A levels. Hee..I'm moving up. =)
INTERLUDE
Now about Nur.
Princess, if you're reading this, I hope that you'll understand.
Recently, I've re-evaluated my friendship with you. I realise now that what you've said all this while was true: I was expecting something from our friendship.
The other day, I realised that I am not the one for you. I respect your decision and I can safely say that, I don't deserve you. The reason we agreed upon is true and I know it will be difficult to change that. It would be hard for me to look good for you and it is unfair for you to be seen with me.
Let me say this:
You deserve someone who would appreciate you for who you are.
And you are a beautiful, smart, adorable lady who should be respected as a Muslimah.
You deserve someone who would love you unconditionally, as much as he loves Allah and Islam.
You deserve someone who would always try to be there for you and who would treasure his moments with you.
You deserve someone who cares and will want to be the best for you.
It is not hard to find someone who fulfills those requirements. They're out there. Give them a chance. And choose with your heart as much as your head.
But, I now realise, I am not the one for you. I can never be. I don't deserve you.And as much as it breaks my heart to say it, it is the truth.
I still love you. But I can only do so as a friend.
As a friend, the most important thing for me is your happiness. And I can tell that what I am doing is making you unhappy. Thus, I must concede. I shall have no regrets and after a while, I will not feel the pain. =)
I hope that my decision is the right one. From the beginning when we met, I always wanted a great friendship with you. And now, I realise I've been ignoring that for my feelings. Let's work on making our friendship strong again yea?
I love, Nur.
- Curtain Closes-
-Exit Stage Left-
-Introduce Act 2-
It's been a while since I've seen her. And we only got to talk at length when she was on her way to work yesterday.
Today's Aidiladha so: SELAMAT HARI RAYA to everyone.
Went to Assyafaah for Raya prayers. It was nice and cooling and I got to pray in the prayer hall. The sermon today was about....um...I think it was about self-sacrifice and our duty or sacrifice to God. It was a nice sermon. Halfway through it, I started thinking it might be nice if sermons weren't too rigid and there was some humour infused in them. But again, wishful thinking. Ha.
Dad was his usual cranky self cos he hasn't eaten so we went for breakfast at Rubinah's in Sembawang. Thosai was ok. Not too bad. Tea was abit bland though.
Then I got home and slept til FIVE PM!! Pig....
Anyways a funny thing happened yesterday. I was driving my mum to the market in Marsiling and we were passing by the new park beside Republic Poly when I thought,
'Hmm, I was here with Shukor once.' Then when I looked at the bus stop, I saw a guy waiting there (if you live in Woodlands and you know the bus stop you'd also know NOBODY waits there).
So as I drove nearer I thought,
'Hmm, which Bangla is waiting here in the searingly, oppressive heat? Eh wait...that looks like...SHUKOR??!!'
Haha.
He managed a wave as I drove by with my mouth agape; considering my luck. So I did a quick (read: illegal) U-Turn and drove up to him. Apparently he sent his sister's car for servicing and was headed back. I told him my mum was going to the market and I was bored so he agreed to accompany us there. So when my mum went off for marketing we went off for coffee and a chat. Haha. Such luck.
I dropped my mum off at home and accompanied him while he got his car serviced. Apparently the battery's dead so after a few phone calls and stuff, we drove to Alexandra to get the battery changed (cos he believed that it was under warranty). Ha..another surprise...
When the mechanic took out the battery,
'Boss ah. This is not our battery leh. We don't sell this battery here.'
Suddenly there were like 5 people all trying to figure out how the battery ended up in the car. You should have seen us, man. 5 people standing around all staring at the battery and wondering. Ha.
So after a few more phone calls, we discovered that the battery came from a workshop in Bukit Panjang so we just changed it. Ha. What a day. I got back at about 3 plus when Sadik messaged me asking about my results. Suddenly my stomach churned. I asked about his and he told me he got a 3.25 GPA. I panicked! We did our ICT project as a pair so obviously I was afraid.
When my results came on-screen, my hands were actually covering my face. Ha..
So here it is, for all to see.
Ed Psych I B-
Ed Psych II B-
ICT B-
English B+
Math A
GPA: 3.75
I suck.
I was hoping for a GPA of at least a 4.0. =( The Ed Psych modules really pulled me down. And a B+ for English?!! ARGH!!! I don't really mind my A. I was hoping for an A+ but considering I left most of the questions from one chapter blank, an A was the best I should have hoped for. Makes no difference to my GPA,though if it was an A+, it would have stoked my ego abit more. Hee...Not too bad for a first semester I guess considering I averaged a C/D for my Advanced Diploma and a fail in my A levels. Hee..I'm moving up. =)
INTERLUDE
Now about Nur.
Princess, if you're reading this, I hope that you'll understand.
Recently, I've re-evaluated my friendship with you. I realise now that what you've said all this while was true: I was expecting something from our friendship.
The other day, I realised that I am not the one for you. I respect your decision and I can safely say that, I don't deserve you. The reason we agreed upon is true and I know it will be difficult to change that. It would be hard for me to look good for you and it is unfair for you to be seen with me.
Let me say this:
You deserve someone who would appreciate you for who you are.
And you are a beautiful, smart, adorable lady who should be respected as a Muslimah.
You deserve someone who would love you unconditionally, as much as he loves Allah and Islam.
You deserve someone who would always try to be there for you and who would treasure his moments with you.
You deserve someone who cares and will want to be the best for you.
It is not hard to find someone who fulfills those requirements. They're out there. Give them a chance. And choose with your heart as much as your head.
But, I now realise, I am not the one for you. I can never be. I don't deserve you.And as much as it breaks my heart to say it, it is the truth.
I still love you. But I can only do so as a friend.
As a friend, the most important thing for me is your happiness. And I can tell that what I am doing is making you unhappy. Thus, I must concede. I shall have no regrets and after a while, I will not feel the pain. =)
I hope that my decision is the right one. From the beginning when we met, I always wanted a great friendship with you. And now, I realise I've been ignoring that for my feelings. Let's work on making our friendship strong again yea?
I love, Nur.
- Curtain Closes-
-Exit Stage Left-
-Introduce Act 2-
Monday, December 17, 2007
Act 1, Scene 6: Stolen
What satisfaction canst thou have to-night?
The exchange of thy love's faithful vow for mine.
- Romeo and Juliet, Act 2 Scene 2
O true apothecary!
Thy drugs are quick. Thus with a kiss I die.
- Romeo and Juliet , Act 5 Scene 3
I am tired, Princess. Shall I wait any longer?
I love, Nur.
The exchange of thy love's faithful vow for mine.
- Romeo and Juliet, Act 2 Scene 2
O true apothecary!
Thy drugs are quick. Thus with a kiss I die.
- Romeo and Juliet , Act 5 Scene 3
I am tired, Princess. Shall I wait any longer?
I love, Nur.
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Interlude
Just found this, translation up soon:
Ya Allah
Seandainya telah Engkau catatkan
Dia milikku tercipta buatku.
Satukanlah hatinya dengan hatiku
Titipkanlah kebahagiaan antara kami..
Agar kemesraan itu abadi..
Ya Allah
Ya Tuhanku yang Maha Mengasihi
Seiringkanlah kami melayari hidup ini
Ke tepian yang sejahtera dan abadi
Maka jodohkanlah kami.
Tetapi Ya Allah
Seandainya telah engkau takdirkan
Dia bukan milikku..
Bawalah dia jauh dari pandanganku
Luputkanlah dia dari ingatanku..
Dan peliharakanlah aku dari kekecewaan.
Ya Allah
Ya Tuhanku yang Maha Mengerti
Berikanlah aku kekuatan.
Menolak bayangannya jauh ke dada langit..
Ya Allah
Seandainya telah Engkau catatkan
Dia milikku tercipta buatku.
Satukanlah hatinya dengan hatiku
Titipkanlah kebahagiaan antara kami..
Agar kemesraan itu abadi..
Ya Allah
Ya Tuhanku yang Maha Mengasihi
Seiringkanlah kami melayari hidup ini
Ke tepian yang sejahtera dan abadi
Maka jodohkanlah kami.
Tetapi Ya Allah
Seandainya telah engkau takdirkan
Dia bukan milikku..
Bawalah dia jauh dari pandanganku
Luputkanlah dia dari ingatanku..
Dan peliharakanlah aku dari kekecewaan.
Ya Allah
Ya Tuhanku yang Maha Mengerti
Berikanlah aku kekuatan.
Menolak bayangannya jauh ke dada langit..
Act 1, Scene 5: The Blob
It's the weekend..again.
I hate weekends. Why? Because I can't get to see Nur. And we usually don't talk on weekends too. I want to..but we don't. Go figure.
Anyway I just got this head-bobbing toy from Causeway Point on Thursday and I put it in my car. I don't know why but I just find it so cute when it starts to bob its head when exposed to sunlight or flourescent light. Ha.
I sent my usual morning message to Nur when I woke up..its now 9:22pm. She hasn't replied. o_O
Yesterday we had a slight misunderstanding. I guess it's my fault. Because I'm so persistent. Nur's rejected me a few times but yesterday, I kinda got the confirmation of it. To say I was heartbroken..is an understatement. Lying on my bed, I prayed it wouldn't hurt so much.
I'd asked her out at the last minute to Funan cos I'd wanted to look at laptops. She told me, after our misunderstanding, that her mum had asked her to go home early last night. So I said it was ok.
On my way back from sending my dad off, I decided to see if she wanted a ride home since it was on the way. I texted her but got no reply. So I thought I might as well drive by and try again. As my luck went, she was waiting for a cab. And I got there a fraction of a second in front of the cab. Boy, was she surprised! Ha.
In the car, she told me she was meeting Amin for a while. By then, my heart was so broken, my reaction was, "Huh..." (as in a surprised but uninterested manner). So I said I'll just drive her there so she wouldn't have to waste money on cab fare. (What was I to do?...leave her on the side of the road?...I'm not that kind of guy =P) So on the way back we got to talking. And I asked her when she was breaking up with Amin. I kinda always ask that question. But she always says shes waiting for the right time. I'm fine with that. I just hope it won't hurt her that bad.
I love Nur...alot. I don't deserve her and I understand her reason for not wanting to accept me. People would talk and stuff and I don't feel it's fair for her. She deserves someone better. I guess... =S
So we got to talking and I just couldn't care about how sad I was anymore I just said some stuff.
Me: (all of a sudden) Do you enjoy going out with me?
Nur: Yes.
Me: Hmm, only when I don't ask stupid questions huh?
Nur: Duuuhhh....
(After a long moment)
Me: Do you think you'll be happy with me?
Nur: (silence).....I don't actually think about having happiness in a relationship. Even when I was going to be with Amin, I didn't think about whether I would be happy or not.
Me: Ok...just a question.
I often try to placate myself with denials of real-time pain. It's how I often deal with it. So my last remark was not so much a 'question'; rather it was so you wouldn't think I meant anything by it.
I remember when it was Nur's birthday back in July, I made her a card. 2 cards actually (cos I was so kiasu plus I was going off to NIE so I didn't have too much work to do). One card was a birthday card which opened up like a window with a huge rose I drew in it. The other was a kinda brochure promoting myself. (Back then she was single)
I used to draw alot of flowers at that time, trying to make a nice card for her and all the other teachers used to tease me, calling me Flower Boy. Ha. But I just wanted to make something nice and heartfelt for her. I don't know if she still has the cards. I hope she does. I hope she feels as much joy reading them as I felt making them.
On her birthday, we had planned to meet. We had an argument. We didn't meet as planned. I got to her tuition place and we met there. Those 5 minutes felt like the best birthday I could have given her. But she was rushing..So she got her cards,presents and a slice of cake. And I got the best thank you ever -a smile.
On my birthday, she couldn't spend it with me. So I decided that since I couldn't have my wish, I didn't want to spend it with anyone else. So I drove my friend to her parents' shop in Arab Street and went to the mosque in Tampines to pray. And I spent my birthday evaluating my life. My birthday was during Ramadhan, so back then I prayed for Nur and Amin to be happy.
Why am I reminiscing?
In one of the cards, I mentioned that I would only be able to wait for Nur up to 2 stages.
One: My birthday
Two: The end of the year
There's 15 more days to the end of the year.
If its love, why did I set an ultimatum? Because, don't you think I need to be fair to myself? It's not a true ultimatum. More like a condition or guideline. I'll wait for her till the end of the year and devote myself truly to her. But I cannot, beyond that, promise such devotion.
Firstly, because if it hadn't worked after so long, it never will. Second, its not fair for me to keep feeling such pain of rejection. Time and again. =(
I just hope Allah will open up her heart to my sincerity and help her accept me. I'm willing to make changes if given the chance. I just need that chance.
Hai...how did this entry get to be so depressing?
Anyways on a lighter note, I played soccer with my JC buddies today. We were from JJC. They're mostly in the universities now but one of them's in the Air Force and a couple of them are doing part time studies. They're all Chinese too except for one. Ha.
I arrived late so I only got to play a few minutes. But I do like to think I made an impact. Got off 3 shots on goal but none scored. But my team still won. Ha. =) and when it got time to go home, it rained so heavily. I dropped off a couple of friends who lived nearby and we imagined the drop to be a parachute jump cos one of the guy's with the Air Force. Ha. We had the lights coming on and everything. Kinda lame but we don't meet often so we usually get up to shenanigans when we do.
I used to be the brash, I-don't-care-what-the-f*cking-world-thinks one in the group. But I kinda mellowed down and the guys can't let go of that. They always try to get me back to the way I was before. But I guess I'm maturing..ha. =)
Oh and the title's for this fat guy who wasn't wearing a shirt while playing soccer with us earlier (NOT ME!!). Me and my friend were part-time commentators on the sideline when we weren't playing. Of course we were speaking Malay..Ha..he would have sat on us otherwise. =) Thank God I wasn't the goalie. My friend was. Ha. And he kept telling me to tell the guy to put on his shirt cos everytime their team had a corner kick, The Blob would rub up against my friend and cover him in his 'ESSENTIAL OILS'. Ha... =O. The Blob got elbowed in the mouth by my Air Force friend for his efforts, by the way. Hahahahaha.
So that was my roller-coaster Saturday. Overall, kinda ok. I didn't think so much about what happened yesterday. I hope everything's ok, Princess.
I love, Nur.
I hate weekends. Why? Because I can't get to see Nur. And we usually don't talk on weekends too. I want to..but we don't. Go figure.
Anyway I just got this head-bobbing toy from Causeway Point on Thursday and I put it in my car. I don't know why but I just find it so cute when it starts to bob its head when exposed to sunlight or flourescent light. Ha.
I sent my usual morning message to Nur when I woke up..its now 9:22pm. She hasn't replied. o_O
Yesterday we had a slight misunderstanding. I guess it's my fault. Because I'm so persistent. Nur's rejected me a few times but yesterday, I kinda got the confirmation of it. To say I was heartbroken..is an understatement. Lying on my bed, I prayed it wouldn't hurt so much.
I'd asked her out at the last minute to Funan cos I'd wanted to look at laptops. She told me, after our misunderstanding, that her mum had asked her to go home early last night. So I said it was ok.
On my way back from sending my dad off, I decided to see if she wanted a ride home since it was on the way. I texted her but got no reply. So I thought I might as well drive by and try again. As my luck went, she was waiting for a cab. And I got there a fraction of a second in front of the cab. Boy, was she surprised! Ha.
In the car, she told me she was meeting Amin for a while. By then, my heart was so broken, my reaction was, "Huh..." (as in a surprised but uninterested manner). So I said I'll just drive her there so she wouldn't have to waste money on cab fare. (What was I to do?...leave her on the side of the road?...I'm not that kind of guy =P) So on the way back we got to talking. And I asked her when she was breaking up with Amin. I kinda always ask that question. But she always says shes waiting for the right time. I'm fine with that. I just hope it won't hurt her that bad.
I love Nur...alot. I don't deserve her and I understand her reason for not wanting to accept me. People would talk and stuff and I don't feel it's fair for her. She deserves someone better. I guess... =S
So we got to talking and I just couldn't care about how sad I was anymore I just said some stuff.
Me: (all of a sudden) Do you enjoy going out with me?
Nur: Yes.
Me: Hmm, only when I don't ask stupid questions huh?
Nur: Duuuhhh....
(After a long moment)
Me: Do you think you'll be happy with me?
Nur: (silence).....I don't actually think about having happiness in a relationship. Even when I was going to be with Amin, I didn't think about whether I would be happy or not.
Me: Ok...just a question.
I often try to placate myself with denials of real-time pain. It's how I often deal with it. So my last remark was not so much a 'question'; rather it was so you wouldn't think I meant anything by it.
I remember when it was Nur's birthday back in July, I made her a card. 2 cards actually (cos I was so kiasu plus I was going off to NIE so I didn't have too much work to do). One card was a birthday card which opened up like a window with a huge rose I drew in it. The other was a kinda brochure promoting myself. (Back then she was single)
I used to draw alot of flowers at that time, trying to make a nice card for her and all the other teachers used to tease me, calling me Flower Boy. Ha. But I just wanted to make something nice and heartfelt for her. I don't know if she still has the cards. I hope she does. I hope she feels as much joy reading them as I felt making them.
On her birthday, we had planned to meet. We had an argument. We didn't meet as planned. I got to her tuition place and we met there. Those 5 minutes felt like the best birthday I could have given her. But she was rushing..So she got her cards,presents and a slice of cake. And I got the best thank you ever -a smile.
On my birthday, she couldn't spend it with me. So I decided that since I couldn't have my wish, I didn't want to spend it with anyone else. So I drove my friend to her parents' shop in Arab Street and went to the mosque in Tampines to pray. And I spent my birthday evaluating my life. My birthday was during Ramadhan, so back then I prayed for Nur and Amin to be happy.
Why am I reminiscing?
In one of the cards, I mentioned that I would only be able to wait for Nur up to 2 stages.
One: My birthday
Two: The end of the year
There's 15 more days to the end of the year.
If its love, why did I set an ultimatum? Because, don't you think I need to be fair to myself? It's not a true ultimatum. More like a condition or guideline. I'll wait for her till the end of the year and devote myself truly to her. But I cannot, beyond that, promise such devotion.
Firstly, because if it hadn't worked after so long, it never will. Second, its not fair for me to keep feeling such pain of rejection. Time and again. =(
I just hope Allah will open up her heart to my sincerity and help her accept me. I'm willing to make changes if given the chance. I just need that chance.
Hai...how did this entry get to be so depressing?
Anyways on a lighter note, I played soccer with my JC buddies today. We were from JJC. They're mostly in the universities now but one of them's in the Air Force and a couple of them are doing part time studies. They're all Chinese too except for one. Ha.
I arrived late so I only got to play a few minutes. But I do like to think I made an impact. Got off 3 shots on goal but none scored. But my team still won. Ha. =) and when it got time to go home, it rained so heavily. I dropped off a couple of friends who lived nearby and we imagined the drop to be a parachute jump cos one of the guy's with the Air Force. Ha. We had the lights coming on and everything. Kinda lame but we don't meet often so we usually get up to shenanigans when we do.
I used to be the brash, I-don't-care-what-the-f*cking-world-thinks one in the group. But I kinda mellowed down and the guys can't let go of that. They always try to get me back to the way I was before. But I guess I'm maturing..ha. =)
Oh and the title's for this fat guy who wasn't wearing a shirt while playing soccer with us earlier (NOT ME!!). Me and my friend were part-time commentators on the sideline when we weren't playing. Of course we were speaking Malay..Ha..he would have sat on us otherwise. =) Thank God I wasn't the goalie. My friend was. Ha. And he kept telling me to tell the guy to put on his shirt cos everytime their team had a corner kick, The Blob would rub up against my friend and cover him in his 'ESSENTIAL OILS'. Ha... =O. The Blob got elbowed in the mouth by my Air Force friend for his efforts, by the way. Hahahahaha.
So that was my roller-coaster Saturday. Overall, kinda ok. I didn't think so much about what happened yesterday. I hope everything's ok, Princess.
I love, Nur.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Act 1, Scene 4: Hugo Boss X | Y
When will Act 1 end you ask?
When she tells me she will be mine. =)
I panicked on Tuesday evening when I couldn't reach Nur on her phone and she called me back thru her office phone but I was away from my phone. Wow. 3 phones in one sentence. Ha. But was surprised she called me thru her office phone. That's so sweet. She usually only called me to ask for help with Math. Ha.
So we went out on Wednesday. I picked Nur up from work and we went to Ikea. I pronounce it as I-Kay-ya. Ha. Like the Americans would call Iraq as I-Req. Oh well.
We went for lunch first. Again at Mad Jack. I've been trying to look for other places to bring her but its kinda hard. So we went there again. As we arrived, this group of people were getting ready to leave and it being a Wednesday afternoon, we soon found ourselves alone in the restaurant. It was drizzling lightly outside and it made for a very nice ambience. She had the Grilled Fish with Cream Sauce and I had chicken. Ha. I forgot to ask her how it was but I guess she had no complaints since she finished it up. Right, Princess?
Oh..And I've started calling her Princess. I used to call her something else but it was already being used in her relationship so I had to find a new one. Why Princess? Cos she deserves to be treated like one. And I enjoy treating her like one. =) Love ya, princess.
So we finished our meal and I got her her favourite brownie with vanilla ice-cream. And they drizzled a whole lot of chocolate sauce on it so she was pretty happy about that. I had a banana fritter. But the banana was kinda bland. Tasted like I was eating flour plus it was too hot, it melted the vanilla ice cream on its side so in the end I had this lump of banana swimming in ice-cream.
Oh..also, I got her the new fragrance from Hugo Boss, XY. For those of you not in the know, X Y stands for the female chromosomes. For a male, it'll be XX. Go figure. Ha. I basically don't like to spend too much time buying gifts so since I knew she wanted to try it, I got it for her. I had wanted to get her her usual Escada scent cos I'm so in love with that but she mentioned she wanted to try something new.
Lady: Can I help you?
Me: Yea. I'd like to purchase the new fragrance from Hugo Boss..For ladies.
Lady: (Surprised look on her face)...Okaaaay. Erm, botol besar ke kecik? (Big bottle or small?)
Me: Hmm...Big. (Cos I always believe in buying bigger quantities for price value)
Me: Eh wait...small. Cos I don't know if she will like it. So might as well we get the small one, auntie.
Haha. I think she thought I was buying it for myself. I don't know why but I kinda prefer smelling women's fragrances as opposed to men's. Ours are usually musky and it's terrible in our kind of weather.
We ended up sniffing her fragrance in the car. She wasn't too keen on it initially so I didn't say much.
After lunch, we went to Ikea. Ha. I've never been shopping with her before so was kinda surprised she walked so fast through the store. I was walking behind her cos my leg was still cramped from all the stupid hole-digging from the day before. I think its cos she knows what she wanted to get already so we pretty much zoomed through. Anyway, I like looking at her from behind. =) We got some gifts for her Butt Sisters whom she's meeting on Monday. And her New Year's gift exchange colleague. Then I held up these three rat soft toys bound together and showed her.
Me: See..cute right? (one was brown,one white and the other grey)
Nur: Yea right. One's Amin,Aszuan and Maui.
Me: Hey..how come I'm not there?
Nur: You want to be a rat isit?
Haha. =)
We bought her bed sheet (she wanted a black one but I found it so depressing. I told her to get something with colour), a rattan basket, a rug and some other stuff. And I bought towels! Ha. Oh she bought a stool too. =P
At the cashier, I saw this girl from NIE. But she was from PGDE. So I pointed her out to Nur. Can't explain why but some girls from the PGDE course seem to like wearing alot of make-up on their faces. She was one of them. Haha.
So as were scanning the stuff, I pushed Nur away with the trolley and asked her to put the stuff in it. That gave me some distance between her and the cashier. I hadn't planned on paying for her but I did say I'd make up the difference. Anyway, I don't spend much on anything for myself or anyone else. I'd given my family their share so I thought it'd be nice to give Nur a treat. Ha.
On our way back she asked me for the receipt. And I said I'd thrown it away. =) So she just gave me $100 which I pushed back into her hand. It was kinda funny cos we were 'arguing' over the cost and receipt and at the same time I was driving. Finally she took the money and placed it in the cubby-hole beside the steering wheel. Unbeknownst to her, the money would 'magically' end up in her bag when she got home. =)
Anyway her brother met us downstairs to help her with her stuff. She bought detergent on our way back too. I got to meet her brother and he said, 'Nice car'. Hmm, shy guy. Tall though.
So thus ends our day out. Along the way, I was battling inside with what I wanted to say to her. She hasn't broken up with Amin yet and I'm not sure if she'll extend me a chance. But like in the previous entry, all I can do is pray she will.
Yesterday morning, she texted me thanking me for the perfume again. And she said that after reading the previous entry, it seemed that I had fallen for her looks initially. And that looks would play an integral part in attraction. In short, she was not attracted to me. =( But she did say sometimes she felt I was too good for her. I don't feel that way. In fact, I feel I am not good enough for her. And I'm sure many people will agree with me. But I do love her and I care alot for her. But ultimately, I want to see her happy. I believe she will be happy with me. But who knows? Maybe she doesn't. Or that there's someone out there who's better than I am. =)
Ah well, if love was so easy, there wouldn't be break ups and divorces. But mistakes are meant to be made, princess. And we learn and grow from them. Those who find that they were not meant to be, are lucky they still have a chance. But don't put yourself into a position of suffering because you believe there's still love. Most times, its gone. =) You know I'll love you, princess. Always.
I love, Nur.
When she tells me she will be mine. =)
I panicked on Tuesday evening when I couldn't reach Nur on her phone and she called me back thru her office phone but I was away from my phone. Wow. 3 phones in one sentence. Ha. But was surprised she called me thru her office phone. That's so sweet. She usually only called me to ask for help with Math. Ha.
So we went out on Wednesday. I picked Nur up from work and we went to Ikea. I pronounce it as I-Kay-ya. Ha. Like the Americans would call Iraq as I-Req. Oh well.
We went for lunch first. Again at Mad Jack. I've been trying to look for other places to bring her but its kinda hard. So we went there again. As we arrived, this group of people were getting ready to leave and it being a Wednesday afternoon, we soon found ourselves alone in the restaurant. It was drizzling lightly outside and it made for a very nice ambience. She had the Grilled Fish with Cream Sauce and I had chicken. Ha. I forgot to ask her how it was but I guess she had no complaints since she finished it up. Right, Princess?
Oh..And I've started calling her Princess. I used to call her something else but it was already being used in her relationship so I had to find a new one. Why Princess? Cos she deserves to be treated like one. And I enjoy treating her like one. =) Love ya, princess.
So we finished our meal and I got her her favourite brownie with vanilla ice-cream. And they drizzled a whole lot of chocolate sauce on it so she was pretty happy about that. I had a banana fritter. But the banana was kinda bland. Tasted like I was eating flour plus it was too hot, it melted the vanilla ice cream on its side so in the end I had this lump of banana swimming in ice-cream.
Oh..also, I got her the new fragrance from Hugo Boss, XY. For those of you not in the know, X Y stands for the female chromosomes. For a male, it'll be XX. Go figure. Ha. I basically don't like to spend too much time buying gifts so since I knew she wanted to try it, I got it for her. I had wanted to get her her usual Escada scent cos I'm so in love with that but she mentioned she wanted to try something new.
Lady: Can I help you?
Me: Yea. I'd like to purchase the new fragrance from Hugo Boss..For ladies.
Lady: (Surprised look on her face)...Okaaaay. Erm, botol besar ke kecik? (Big bottle or small?)
Me: Hmm...Big. (Cos I always believe in buying bigger quantities for price value)
Me: Eh wait...small. Cos I don't know if she will like it. So might as well we get the small one, auntie.
Haha. I think she thought I was buying it for myself. I don't know why but I kinda prefer smelling women's fragrances as opposed to men's. Ours are usually musky and it's terrible in our kind of weather.
We ended up sniffing her fragrance in the car. She wasn't too keen on it initially so I didn't say much.
After lunch, we went to Ikea. Ha. I've never been shopping with her before so was kinda surprised she walked so fast through the store. I was walking behind her cos my leg was still cramped from all the stupid hole-digging from the day before. I think its cos she knows what she wanted to get already so we pretty much zoomed through. Anyway, I like looking at her from behind. =) We got some gifts for her Butt Sisters whom she's meeting on Monday. And her New Year's gift exchange colleague. Then I held up these three rat soft toys bound together and showed her.
Me: See..cute right? (one was brown,one white and the other grey)
Nur: Yea right. One's Amin,Aszuan and Maui.
Me: Hey..how come I'm not there?
Nur: You want to be a rat isit?
Haha. =)
We bought her bed sheet (she wanted a black one but I found it so depressing. I told her to get something with colour), a rattan basket, a rug and some other stuff. And I bought towels! Ha. Oh she bought a stool too. =P
At the cashier, I saw this girl from NIE. But she was from PGDE. So I pointed her out to Nur. Can't explain why but some girls from the PGDE course seem to like wearing alot of make-up on their faces. She was one of them. Haha.
So as were scanning the stuff, I pushed Nur away with the trolley and asked her to put the stuff in it. That gave me some distance between her and the cashier. I hadn't planned on paying for her but I did say I'd make up the difference. Anyway, I don't spend much on anything for myself or anyone else. I'd given my family their share so I thought it'd be nice to give Nur a treat. Ha.
On our way back she asked me for the receipt. And I said I'd thrown it away. =) So she just gave me $100 which I pushed back into her hand. It was kinda funny cos we were 'arguing' over the cost and receipt and at the same time I was driving. Finally she took the money and placed it in the cubby-hole beside the steering wheel. Unbeknownst to her, the money would 'magically' end up in her bag when she got home. =)
Anyway her brother met us downstairs to help her with her stuff. She bought detergent on our way back too. I got to meet her brother and he said, 'Nice car'. Hmm, shy guy. Tall though.
So thus ends our day out. Along the way, I was battling inside with what I wanted to say to her. She hasn't broken up with Amin yet and I'm not sure if she'll extend me a chance. But like in the previous entry, all I can do is pray she will.
Yesterday morning, she texted me thanking me for the perfume again. And she said that after reading the previous entry, it seemed that I had fallen for her looks initially. And that looks would play an integral part in attraction. In short, she was not attracted to me. =( But she did say sometimes she felt I was too good for her. I don't feel that way. In fact, I feel I am not good enough for her. And I'm sure many people will agree with me. But I do love her and I care alot for her. But ultimately, I want to see her happy. I believe she will be happy with me. But who knows? Maybe she doesn't. Or that there's someone out there who's better than I am. =)
Ah well, if love was so easy, there wouldn't be break ups and divorces. But mistakes are meant to be made, princess. And we learn and grow from them. Those who find that they were not meant to be, are lucky they still have a chance. But don't put yourself into a position of suffering because you believe there's still love. Most times, its gone. =) You know I'll love you, princess. Always.
I love, Nur.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Act 1, Scene 3: Miles
This Scene begins well enough. On Sunday, I went to T3 with my young cousins and walked around. We got to look at lotsa stuff but I don't feel like saying it out.
Today, I had my GESL project stuff to do. So we went down to ACRES in Sungei Tengah and all I did was shovel topsoil into a wheelbarrow and wheel it up and down a hill. There were some pics but I guess you've gotta check out my Friendster profile for that.
More importantly, I met Shukor last night for dinner. Shukor's my best friend. He's a grand 6 years older than me but we clicked upon our first meeting. Anyway, I really treasure his advice and we rarely keep things from each other. It's kinda like having a girlfriend. Ha.
Anyway, he brought his elder sister and her husband to dinner cos he was from work. And I got treated to dinner. Yay! After dinner, we both headed to Yishun Dam while his sister and her hubby drove home. Was about 12 then.
We got to talking about life and the subject fell to Nur. Shukor's always been supportive of my choices but he's not too happy about the stuff that had happened before between me and Nur. He was there when she chose to go back to her ex boyfriend and back then, he told me I shouldn't waste my time going after her. I guess he was looking out for me and it got so bad, I actually had to lie to him a few times to avoid getting scolded. But this time around, I told him things were gonna be different.
I love Nur. More than a friend should. Because I care about her and I hate to see her hurting herself. But from the very beginning, she's told me that we could never be more than friends. I always feel sad when she reminds me of that, but I never felt that things could never change.
Recently, Nur's been having problems with her relationship. I ask her from time to time about her boyfriend because I would really have liked to see him treat her better. During Ramadhan, I did what every guy who's defeated would have done, I prayed that she would have a long and lasting relationship with him. I would include their (Nur's and Amin's) names in my prayers; for Allah to grant them guidance and to have a smooth relationship. And I was content with just being a friend. In short, I prayed for what I really cared about and that was to see her happy.
Ramadhan was 2 months ago. And now, her boyfriend is back to treating her badly again. It hurts me to hear her cry and sob when she's telling me about him. And I always want to tell her I'm here for her. But to her, I'll always be here as a friend.
I'm not a good guy. I miss prayers sometimes and I swear often. Often, people who just get to know me will say I'm quiet, reserved and a loner. But its not because I choose to not socialise. It takes a while for people to accept me for who I am and sometimes, they will never. My jokes are off-colour. They are kinda crude and some people take offense to that. So sometimes, I keep to myself to not make mistakes.
I have had just one relationship that was of any worth to me and even so, I was too young for it. When I was heading off to NS, I prayed to God that He would have spared me the heartache of a relationship till after I had finished. Even then, I always took note of others' relationships and how they make it work. From there, I often make conclusions to how I would react in my own relationships.
I am neither physically attractive or suave with words. I find it hard to express myself emotionally when face-to-face because of my past experiences. But I make up for it by treating a girl well;the way she deserves to be treated. Sometimes, they reject me because I am too persistent, other times, because I was too fast. But almost always, its because I am not physically pleasing.
I am extremely romantic. I believe that relationships last because each party has transcended physical attractions and are genuinely interested in each others' company. These relationships will never break down because of a cheating partner because both have gone beyond feeling attraction of a physical nature.
It surprised me that Nur is not. Her past relationships rarely feature genuine romance. And she feels awkward when I do stuff like pay for her meals and purchases and hold open doors for her.
I also am strongly monogamous. I never believe in having multiple interests and have almost always been faithful to a girl I am woo-ing. But all the attention they receive may go towards feeling that I am moving too fast.
But of course, I am idealistic because I am not attractive. And I never will be.
What happened to the idea of being together because of love? Does love only exist because you're attracted to the person?
Nur has asked me many times why I am so keen on her. Yes I admit she is stunningly beautiful. But I have never based my choice on that alone. To me, she's close to being perfect. I enjoy her company tremendously. I love talking to her. I love her wit. I love her quirks. I'm sure from reading all I had to say about her, you would have come to that conclusion yourself.
One of my friend said it was an infatuation; that it would pass once I feel the pain of rejection.
I've felt it, many times. Yet I still love her. Is it still an infatuation?
I once posed a question on a website:
Is it better for us to hold on to someone we love but who doesn't love us back?
Or should we spare ourselves the pain and move on?
The answer:
We should move on because the person does not deserve us.
Shukor, 12:26 am:
She doesn't deserve you, bro.
I almost cried when he said that. Instead, I looked off into the distance.
I told him I don't want to invest my feelings this time around. I would just be content with treating her well and making sure she knows how much I love her. And if we end up together, Alhamdulillah (Thank God).
Nur needs to realise some things for herself. She has said them to me, but I doubt she realised what she was saying.
She needs to stop getting into relationships based on physical attractions, because most times than not, the guys are after THAT. And when you refuse, they will hurt you.
She needs to realise that there are many decent guys out there who love her for more than her beauty.
She needs to stop classifying guys as FRIENDS and POTENTIAL BOYFRIENDS. Because most times, those in the former, deserve her more.
I prayed on Sunday night for a couple of things:
1) For Nur to realise that I truly love her and to open her heart to my sincerity.
2) If she chooses not to, that:
(i) God will grant her someone who deserves her and who will make her happy.
(ii) God will not allow me to feel so much pain this time around, when she rejects me.
Refer to my first ever post:
I am a guy.
In love with a girl, who is in love with another guy.
And not in love with him.
Will she give me a chance?
The pain I feel is real.
I love, Nur.
Today, I had my GESL project stuff to do. So we went down to ACRES in Sungei Tengah and all I did was shovel topsoil into a wheelbarrow and wheel it up and down a hill. There were some pics but I guess you've gotta check out my Friendster profile for that.
More importantly, I met Shukor last night for dinner. Shukor's my best friend. He's a grand 6 years older than me but we clicked upon our first meeting. Anyway, I really treasure his advice and we rarely keep things from each other. It's kinda like having a girlfriend. Ha.
Anyway, he brought his elder sister and her husband to dinner cos he was from work. And I got treated to dinner. Yay! After dinner, we both headed to Yishun Dam while his sister and her hubby drove home. Was about 12 then.
We got to talking about life and the subject fell to Nur. Shukor's always been supportive of my choices but he's not too happy about the stuff that had happened before between me and Nur. He was there when she chose to go back to her ex boyfriend and back then, he told me I shouldn't waste my time going after her. I guess he was looking out for me and it got so bad, I actually had to lie to him a few times to avoid getting scolded. But this time around, I told him things were gonna be different.
I love Nur. More than a friend should. Because I care about her and I hate to see her hurting herself. But from the very beginning, she's told me that we could never be more than friends. I always feel sad when she reminds me of that, but I never felt that things could never change.
Recently, Nur's been having problems with her relationship. I ask her from time to time about her boyfriend because I would really have liked to see him treat her better. During Ramadhan, I did what every guy who's defeated would have done, I prayed that she would have a long and lasting relationship with him. I would include their (Nur's and Amin's) names in my prayers; for Allah to grant them guidance and to have a smooth relationship. And I was content with just being a friend. In short, I prayed for what I really cared about and that was to see her happy.
Ramadhan was 2 months ago. And now, her boyfriend is back to treating her badly again. It hurts me to hear her cry and sob when she's telling me about him. And I always want to tell her I'm here for her. But to her, I'll always be here as a friend.
I'm not a good guy. I miss prayers sometimes and I swear often. Often, people who just get to know me will say I'm quiet, reserved and a loner. But its not because I choose to not socialise. It takes a while for people to accept me for who I am and sometimes, they will never. My jokes are off-colour. They are kinda crude and some people take offense to that. So sometimes, I keep to myself to not make mistakes.
I have had just one relationship that was of any worth to me and even so, I was too young for it. When I was heading off to NS, I prayed to God that He would have spared me the heartache of a relationship till after I had finished. Even then, I always took note of others' relationships and how they make it work. From there, I often make conclusions to how I would react in my own relationships.
I am neither physically attractive or suave with words. I find it hard to express myself emotionally when face-to-face because of my past experiences. But I make up for it by treating a girl well;the way she deserves to be treated. Sometimes, they reject me because I am too persistent, other times, because I was too fast. But almost always, its because I am not physically pleasing.
I am extremely romantic. I believe that relationships last because each party has transcended physical attractions and are genuinely interested in each others' company. These relationships will never break down because of a cheating partner because both have gone beyond feeling attraction of a physical nature.
It surprised me that Nur is not. Her past relationships rarely feature genuine romance. And she feels awkward when I do stuff like pay for her meals and purchases and hold open doors for her.
I also am strongly monogamous. I never believe in having multiple interests and have almost always been faithful to a girl I am woo-ing. But all the attention they receive may go towards feeling that I am moving too fast.
But of course, I am idealistic because I am not attractive. And I never will be.
What happened to the idea of being together because of love? Does love only exist because you're attracted to the person?
Nur has asked me many times why I am so keen on her. Yes I admit she is stunningly beautiful. But I have never based my choice on that alone. To me, she's close to being perfect. I enjoy her company tremendously. I love talking to her. I love her wit. I love her quirks. I'm sure from reading all I had to say about her, you would have come to that conclusion yourself.
One of my friend said it was an infatuation; that it would pass once I feel the pain of rejection.
I've felt it, many times. Yet I still love her. Is it still an infatuation?
I once posed a question on a website:
Is it better for us to hold on to someone we love but who doesn't love us back?
Or should we spare ourselves the pain and move on?
The answer:
We should move on because the person does not deserve us.
Shukor, 12:26 am:
She doesn't deserve you, bro.
I almost cried when he said that. Instead, I looked off into the distance.
I told him I don't want to invest my feelings this time around. I would just be content with treating her well and making sure she knows how much I love her. And if we end up together, Alhamdulillah (Thank God).
Nur needs to realise some things for herself. She has said them to me, but I doubt she realised what she was saying.
She needs to stop getting into relationships based on physical attractions, because most times than not, the guys are after THAT. And when you refuse, they will hurt you.
She needs to realise that there are many decent guys out there who love her for more than her beauty.
She needs to stop classifying guys as FRIENDS and POTENTIAL BOYFRIENDS. Because most times, those in the former, deserve her more.
I prayed on Sunday night for a couple of things:
1) For Nur to realise that I truly love her and to open her heart to my sincerity.
2) If she chooses not to, that:
(i) God will grant her someone who deserves her and who will make her happy.
(ii) God will not allow me to feel so much pain this time around, when she rejects me.
Refer to my first ever post:
I am a guy.
In love with a girl, who is in love with another guy.
And not in love with him.
Will she give me a chance?
The pain I feel is real.
I love, Nur.
Saturday, December 8, 2007
Act 1, Scene 2: Squarepants
2:11 pm: Can you fetch me?
2:19 pm: I'm feeling so down.
2:21 pm: Give me half an hour; I'll be there.
She's having some problems. And I wanted to be there for her. She cried last night. And for the period when we hung up till I fell asleep, I felt so helpless. I wanted to embrace her and rock her and let her know that everything'll be ok, but I couldn't.
And I wanted to be there for her when she woke up. But I didn't wanna hold on too strongly. She's not my girlfriend..but that doesn't mean I don't love her.
And so I picked Nur up again from work. She looked so beautiful today. I love it when she wears heels,cos it makes her seem taller. =) but that means she's got to look where she steps. That's why I park as close to the kerb nowadays.
It was raining slightly when we were on our way back. She's having another bad day and I didn't wanna make it worst but I wanted to let her have an outlet. Hmm, dad's can be tough to deal with especially if you're a daughter. They're like another boyfriend you've gotta appease. But I told her to hang in there and let him have his moments. I think he's just sore over your last trip, girl. He's watching out for you.
So we stopped over at Upper Seletar on our way back. Up to this point I haven't been able to make her smile and all I could muster was my pathetic-sounding but totally sincere 'hmms' as she told me about her work.
We've been going out for some time now but lately we've been visiting parks and inevitably we'll spot some monkeys. This is where she smiled. And when she did, I just melted inside. I mean, I can't describe the feeling but when she saw the monkeys, it was like she decided to make my day and smiled. And I swear it was the most beautiful smile I've seen. =)
Ha.We have this joke about monkeys we see. We usually tease each other about the monkeys being our friends. But there was this once we actually saw these 2 monkeys going at it at the side of the road and we coined the term 'frisky'. Ha. I guess she was thinking of that moment when she smiled. Horny monkeys. I kinda felt bad she had to see that but she just laughed and I didnt feel so bad.
Anyway, she had her second driving experience today. I'd wanted to bring her somewhere more spacious but since she was ready for it, I let her. But the course had a bit of a problem to it. She had to use the accelerator and since she hadn't done that before, she was abit hesitant. I guess we'll have to work on her coordination. =) but she did great cos she didnt panic or anything. She did one revolution of a slanted roundabout and we decided to call it a day. I do hope I can teach her more next time.
On our way back, we passed by a couple of monkeys and she wanted to take some pictures of them. Ha. This is where I melted again! Her hand was unsteady and since the monkey was on my side, I used my hand to steady hers. And her hand was so WARM and SMOOTH. I just melted, man. =) She got two good pictures of the monkeys and we left.
I asked if she had already had her lunch. She said she wasn't in the mood to eat. But she hadn't eaten the whole day; and when she called home, her dad said her mum hadn't started cooking. So I advised her to get something as alas perut (appetiser). So we drove to the place behind Darul Makmur thinking I was gonna get her some epok-epok (curry puffs) or Roti John (some sandwich-french toast kinda thing). But we saw a KFC outlet there so I asked if she wanted that.
We parked and walked when all of a sudden...She tripped (cos she's wearing high heels) at the carpark. Thinking back, I actually shouted when she cried out..Ha. But I managed to grab her arm to steady her. tsk tsk
So I got her her usual Zinger Meal and we walked back. She unlocked the car (part of our lesson) and drove off. Ha. And she started telling me which direction to turn on our way back. I guess it was to waste some time..I like that. Ha.
It was raining by the time I got her back and she learned to lock the car (part of the lesson again). Ha. As usual, I sent her up the lift before we parted ways. And this time...I managed to say 'I love you' in person. Ha. I didn't see her reaction but I hope it was a good one. =D score!
4:56 pm: Sedap? =)
5:03 pm: Sedap..free.
Ha.
"We met by coincidence;
But we're together, by destiny"
I love, Nur.
2:19 pm: I'm feeling so down.
2:21 pm: Give me half an hour; I'll be there.
She's having some problems. And I wanted to be there for her. She cried last night. And for the period when we hung up till I fell asleep, I felt so helpless. I wanted to embrace her and rock her and let her know that everything'll be ok, but I couldn't.
And I wanted to be there for her when she woke up. But I didn't wanna hold on too strongly. She's not my girlfriend..but that doesn't mean I don't love her.
And so I picked Nur up again from work. She looked so beautiful today. I love it when she wears heels,cos it makes her seem taller. =) but that means she's got to look where she steps. That's why I park as close to the kerb nowadays.
It was raining slightly when we were on our way back. She's having another bad day and I didn't wanna make it worst but I wanted to let her have an outlet. Hmm, dad's can be tough to deal with especially if you're a daughter. They're like another boyfriend you've gotta appease. But I told her to hang in there and let him have his moments. I think he's just sore over your last trip, girl. He's watching out for you.
So we stopped over at Upper Seletar on our way back. Up to this point I haven't been able to make her smile and all I could muster was my pathetic-sounding but totally sincere 'hmms' as she told me about her work.
We've been going out for some time now but lately we've been visiting parks and inevitably we'll spot some monkeys. This is where she smiled. And when she did, I just melted inside. I mean, I can't describe the feeling but when she saw the monkeys, it was like she decided to make my day and smiled. And I swear it was the most beautiful smile I've seen. =)
Ha.We have this joke about monkeys we see. We usually tease each other about the monkeys being our friends. But there was this once we actually saw these 2 monkeys going at it at the side of the road and we coined the term 'frisky'. Ha. I guess she was thinking of that moment when she smiled. Horny monkeys. I kinda felt bad she had to see that but she just laughed and I didnt feel so bad.
Anyway, she had her second driving experience today. I'd wanted to bring her somewhere more spacious but since she was ready for it, I let her. But the course had a bit of a problem to it. She had to use the accelerator and since she hadn't done that before, she was abit hesitant. I guess we'll have to work on her coordination. =) but she did great cos she didnt panic or anything. She did one revolution of a slanted roundabout and we decided to call it a day. I do hope I can teach her more next time.
On our way back, we passed by a couple of monkeys and she wanted to take some pictures of them. Ha. This is where I melted again! Her hand was unsteady and since the monkey was on my side, I used my hand to steady hers. And her hand was so WARM and SMOOTH. I just melted, man. =) She got two good pictures of the monkeys and we left.
I asked if she had already had her lunch. She said she wasn't in the mood to eat. But she hadn't eaten the whole day; and when she called home, her dad said her mum hadn't started cooking. So I advised her to get something as alas perut (appetiser). So we drove to the place behind Darul Makmur thinking I was gonna get her some epok-epok (curry puffs) or Roti John (some sandwich-french toast kinda thing). But we saw a KFC outlet there so I asked if she wanted that.
We parked and walked when all of a sudden...She tripped (cos she's wearing high heels) at the carpark. Thinking back, I actually shouted when she cried out..Ha. But I managed to grab her arm to steady her. tsk tsk
So I got her her usual Zinger Meal and we walked back. She unlocked the car (part of our lesson) and drove off. Ha. And she started telling me which direction to turn on our way back. I guess it was to waste some time..I like that. Ha.
It was raining by the time I got her back and she learned to lock the car (part of the lesson again). Ha. As usual, I sent her up the lift before we parted ways. And this time...I managed to say 'I love you' in person. Ha. I didn't see her reaction but I hope it was a good one. =D score!
4:56 pm: Sedap? =)
5:03 pm: Sedap..free.
Ha.
"We met by coincidence;
But we're together, by destiny"
I love, Nur.
Friday, December 7, 2007
Little Miss Sunshine; Act 1, Scene 1
"I wanna eat facing the sea!"
Cute.
So we went driving looking for places to eat. Facing the sea. DC in hand and her soft-as-a-baby's-butt Fillet'o fish. She makes the funniest comments.
I picked Nur up from her workplace again last evening. Told Shukor that I got called up there for disciplinary actions. Ha. But didnt get to finish that story when she came. Hmm, I can't say why. But everytime she appears, she takes my breath away. Even now, after 9 months, I still feel the excitement of seeing her for the first time.
Anyway I came up of the idea of a driving lesson. Alhamdulillah (Thank God) it stopped raining. So off we went to East Coast Park cos we wanted to grab something to eat before the lesson proper. Ha.
And that's where she said, "I wanna eat facing the sea!"
We drove around for abit and talked about chalets and stuff. I find it quite cute that she's never had a family chalet before. But she's not missing out on alot really. Cos all I ever do at chalets are eat, sleep and watch tv (things I do at home anyway). I like socialising with friends and crapping to the wee hours of the morning. But being in a big group,sometimes,we don't get to talk much.
Anyway, we found a sweet spot where there weren't too many cars. And we got to eat facing the sea..
Not long after, we started talking about her past relationships again. I'm not too bothered by them (yes, there's a hint of jealousy) but I like hearing her talk about them. She did admit that she chose her partners based primarily on their looks (maybe that's why I'm just a friend). Was not too surprised. She's beautiful...I'm...not. =)
I love how she's so comfortable in the car. I mean, she does what she wants and when she wants to. I don't mind. It's nice..ha
After an unmentionable event (she had some trouble with her tummy), we started our lesson. She was freaking out; worrying about crashing my car and all. But I assured her it'll be ok cos I'd be beside her and have my hand on the gear anyway. So after a few minutes of getting acquainted with the gears and mirrors, I got her started on going back and forth and basically her speed control. *SURPRISE* She's really good with her reversing. We kept laughing everytime she jerked the car but I was using my 'teaching' voice so she wouldnt freak out. Ha.
Her: "Look behind la! Stop looking at me!"
Me: "I like looking at you;you're beautiful."
Her: "Rubbish!"
I'd wanted to just get her used to the back and forth speed control but she was feeling a tad adventurous. So I let her steer around the carpark for abit. Ha. And guess what? She's great at that too. It's the first time she's actually been in control and she did a marvellous job. I gotta love her for that (and not crashing the car too la). Then maybe more cars came along and we decided to call it a night. She wanted to steer more but I couldnt think of a place for that. I'm sorry dear. Maybe next time we'll start earlier k? =)
So for the next lesson, we're gonna start her on taking her BTT and getting a PDL and maybe get her to try pressing the gas abit. Hee. You did great,girl.
So we headed back home and she wanted a sundae on the way back. Was concerned cos she was coughing but she really wanted it and I've never said no to her cravings. =)
I once told her that at the rate I'm going, going out with her and stuff, she's already like my girlfriend. Ha. She gave me a small giggle.
Hmm, on the way back we had our usual talk about friskies and dumb boyfriends. Ha.
I had a great time. I hope she did too. =)
I love, Nur. (it's you la)
Cute.
So we went driving looking for places to eat. Facing the sea. DC in hand and her soft-as-a-baby's-butt Fillet'o fish. She makes the funniest comments.
I picked Nur up from her workplace again last evening. Told Shukor that I got called up there for disciplinary actions. Ha. But didnt get to finish that story when she came. Hmm, I can't say why. But everytime she appears, she takes my breath away. Even now, after 9 months, I still feel the excitement of seeing her for the first time.
Anyway I came up of the idea of a driving lesson. Alhamdulillah (Thank God) it stopped raining. So off we went to East Coast Park cos we wanted to grab something to eat before the lesson proper. Ha.
And that's where she said, "I wanna eat facing the sea!"
We drove around for abit and talked about chalets and stuff. I find it quite cute that she's never had a family chalet before. But she's not missing out on alot really. Cos all I ever do at chalets are eat, sleep and watch tv (things I do at home anyway). I like socialising with friends and crapping to the wee hours of the morning. But being in a big group,sometimes,we don't get to talk much.
Anyway, we found a sweet spot where there weren't too many cars. And we got to eat facing the sea..
Not long after, we started talking about her past relationships again. I'm not too bothered by them (yes, there's a hint of jealousy) but I like hearing her talk about them. She did admit that she chose her partners based primarily on their looks (maybe that's why I'm just a friend). Was not too surprised. She's beautiful...I'm...not. =)
I love how she's so comfortable in the car. I mean, she does what she wants and when she wants to. I don't mind. It's nice..ha
After an unmentionable event (she had some trouble with her tummy), we started our lesson. She was freaking out; worrying about crashing my car and all. But I assured her it'll be ok cos I'd be beside her and have my hand on the gear anyway. So after a few minutes of getting acquainted with the gears and mirrors, I got her started on going back and forth and basically her speed control. *SURPRISE* She's really good with her reversing. We kept laughing everytime she jerked the car but I was using my 'teaching' voice so she wouldnt freak out. Ha.
Her: "Look behind la! Stop looking at me!"
Me: "I like looking at you;you're beautiful."
Her: "Rubbish!"
I'd wanted to just get her used to the back and forth speed control but she was feeling a tad adventurous. So I let her steer around the carpark for abit. Ha. And guess what? She's great at that too. It's the first time she's actually been in control and she did a marvellous job. I gotta love her for that (and not crashing the car too la). Then maybe more cars came along and we decided to call it a night. She wanted to steer more but I couldnt think of a place for that. I'm sorry dear. Maybe next time we'll start earlier k? =)
So for the next lesson, we're gonna start her on taking her BTT and getting a PDL and maybe get her to try pressing the gas abit. Hee. You did great,girl.
So we headed back home and she wanted a sundae on the way back. Was concerned cos she was coughing but she really wanted it and I've never said no to her cravings. =)
I once told her that at the rate I'm going, going out with her and stuff, she's already like my girlfriend. Ha. She gave me a small giggle.
Hmm, on the way back we had our usual talk about friskies and dumb boyfriends. Ha.
I had a great time. I hope she did too. =)
I love, Nur. (it's you la)
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Entrance: Stage Centre
Another mindless droning of another mindless citizen.
A mind numbing experience.
Search: Tyrannical Evangelists Advocating Childhood Hostilities against Each otheR
Also: School of Intense Stupidity and Lifelong Suffering
Ahh...not so boring now is it? Let's stop being whimsical.
I am a guy (Nur: DUUUUUHHHHH!!!)
In love with a girl (WHOA!!)
Who's in love with another guy (WHAT??!!)
And not in love with him (AWWWW.....)
I am a student
In: Life, love, peace, war, joy, hate, angst, rage
I am a guy (Again)
22
I am BIG: sized, hearted, on loyalty
I am SMALL: minded, with people I don't know
I am rage defined. And my anger is without a doubt.
But most times....
I am a whale.
Just floating by..taking up alot of space. Eating alot of food.
Man, I hate barnacles.
And I love, Nur.
Exit: Stage Left
A mind numbing experience.
Search: Tyrannical Evangelists Advocating Childhood Hostilities against Each otheR
Also: School of Intense Stupidity and Lifelong Suffering
Ahh...not so boring now is it? Let's stop being whimsical.
I am a guy (Nur: DUUUUUHHHHH!!!)
In love with a girl (WHOA!!)
Who's in love with another guy (WHAT??!!)
And not in love with him (AWWWW.....)
I am a student
In: Life, love, peace, war, joy, hate, angst, rage
I am a guy (Again)
22
I am BIG: sized, hearted, on loyalty
I am SMALL: minded, with people I don't know
I am rage defined. And my anger is without a doubt.
But most times....
I am a whale.
Just floating by..taking up alot of space. Eating alot of food.
Man, I hate barnacles.
And I love, Nur.
Exit: Stage Left
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