Act 4, Scene 2: When things change

Hmm, the passing of a year, to some signifies a time to reflect on what they have achieved or forsaken in the past year. For me, it signifies changing the date on my watch. I don't particularly await the coming of a new year to apologise or make life-changing decisions. I believe that if I have said or done something that hurt someone, that I would have the guts to admit it at the point of time.

For me, 2008 has been a good year. It has taught me much about myself. And it has given me the opportunity to learn much from the people around me. 2008 was a journey in learning and I appreciate every lesson I had to go through to get to where I am today. I realise my flaws. And I appreciate that no matter how big they are, there are still some out there who are proud to call me their friend, brother and son.

2008 proved that I could go from a 3.05 GPA to a 3.91. It proved that when I got my head into the game, I could get an A+. And if I didn't, a C+.

2008 proved that I could be strong. To put others' interests before mine and to make sacrifices so that they can achieve their dreams.

2008 taught me to be strong when faced with adversity; to draw strength from those around me and to stand alone, when the need arises.

But the greatest lesson I learnt and the best gift I got, was Nur.

Yes...

She's back. And in the last few posts, she is the one who made me happy. I guess one of the lessons I learnt is how to be happy and I'm not ashamed to say that she is the reason why.

Many of my friends have disagreed with me and have made me question my choice, out loud. I appreciate their concern and patience, especially when it's evident my heart is broken. I remembered, during her birthday this year, when I was so ready to walk away that a few of my friends went above and beyond the call of duty to offer a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on, literally.

Another lesson she has taught me is that I will never regret having fallen in love with her. She's amazing as she is. But there is much she needs to learn about herself too. Every effort I made, I learnt never to expect a reward but to appreciate the time that I have with her.

Finally, the lesson she has taught me is to be happy for her. I was in denial for a long time when she decided to walk away. And I reflected on the things I had done to her. Maybe it was my fault I was pushing so hard; and it was my fault I was not putting in any effort for the things I should. But I realised, I hadn't given her much of a reason to stay and instead of being bitter about her leaving, I should learn to be happy that she is happy. And I was...

2009 is a new year and a fresh beginning for most of us. But for me, I am thankful I'm in love with the most beautiful person in the world - both inside and out. And that maybe, this is the year when things change. =)

Act 4, Scene 1: Nothing can feel, as sweet and as real...

I'm sitting here wondering how I might start writing this entry.

I had a great day today. I just wished I didn't feel so bad after it. Cos the moment you left, I felt so alone again.

I had a lot of fun. Much more fun than I've ever had going out with anyone else. I think you know that.

I liked how you played along to my joke about driving; to the point of starting the engine. I would have let you drive if you felt like it.

I liked how you stood in the water; and tried to avoid getting your pants wet - all the while shrieking.

I liked how you wrote that question mark in the sand; it gives me hope.

All these small things which made me smile. Which is something I haven't felt, genuinely in a long time. I don't care what people say, I still think you're my best friend.

And like Mr Mraz once sang, I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend. =)

Act 3, Scene 9: I'm not gonna waste these words...

I guess there isn't much to blog about nowadays. We're into December now and my mum's leaving for the Haj tomorrow. Dad didn't get to go so we're not so bad.

Just really looking forward to pay day I guess. Don't think there's much difference in my bonus this year as mine was pro-rated last year and I only got about 2.6 months. So this year, I'll be getting around 2.5. Been putting off buying alot of stuff because I had to finance my parents' Haj trip and also servicing for the car so this is gonna be repatriation. =)

Hmm, funnily, I don't really feel very happy nowadays. Honestly, I feel very confused. I don't wanna fall into the situation of being in love with someone who isn't in love with me again. I guess after Princess, I had learnt that much. So I've been putting off saying or even displaying my feelings to those I'm going out with now. I mean I do have fun and all but I don't feel the urge for a relationship anymore.

We had a discussion through sms. She isn't ready for anything and her way of dealing with it is to not think about it. Granted, she has every right to do so and I don't see any reason I should feel upset about it. But when someone keeps quiet and doesn't reply, what am I supposed to feel or think? That's what's eating me... =(

So today I plugged in my headphones and listened to The Academy Is' 'About a girl'. I guess listening to overdriven riffs helps block out the stupidity I'm feeling right now. But it can only last so long before I drive myself insane.