Haha..one thing every kid would want to hear at least once in their schooling lives. =)
I'm still in school. Just finished a marathon 6 period day. Now it's about 545pm so I'm just waiting for the bulk of kids to head home before I try to catch a bus. Anyway I'm meeting Nur at 7 later. Oh nah...don't panic and start reaching for your phones to comfort me, I just wanted to say sorry to her.
Anyway I found a nice quiet place in NIE to do my blogging. It's in this obscure corner of the Science block. Nobody passes by and other than the 2 security guards and a group of painters around the corner, I'm pretty much by myself. Haha..a slice of heaven just for myself. I hope nobody discovers this place. The table is so dusty cos it hasn't been used for so long. I hope it stays that way. Haha. I think maybe next time I'll have my meals here too. =)
My parents are flying off to Sarawak tomorrow for their second honeymoon, courtesy of yours truly who paid for their holiday. Ha..I nearly went broke last month celebrating their 25th Anniversary but I did use some money to get a new laptop. I'd say those were good investments. If I didn't have this laptop, I wouldn't be blogging now. Haha.
I wonder if I should ask my mum to get me cigarettes. I've begun my sabbatical from smoking this week and its been 4 days since I've last had a cigarette. Even turned down a couple of friends who offered me theirs. I'm facing a dilemma: If I ask her to buy, it's like DAMN cheap cos its duty free. But that means I'll smoke. If I don't, and if I ever need to in future, I won't have a ready supply. Haha..decisions,decisions...
Hmm, was damn late today. Was about 20 minutes late. I'd actually left home when I discovered I had forgotten to bring my notes so I had to turn back and get them. Good thing it was my Math lesson. My tutor's great..I mean he's pretty understanding. Last semester, I once came 45 minutes late for a 1 hour class. Haha. I know, I know. I'm a bad student. =P
So then had this super sian 2 hour tutorial on using a computer to sketch geometrical shapes. Haha. I was just zooming through the lesson till I discovered I had gone too far so I stopped and chatted with a friend. Haha. It was easy to use la but kinda boring. Then my friend stumbled on this car-forum and we started reading about people complaining about each other when they were on the roads. Haha. for example there was this one guy who complained about being tailgated by another car and was saying things like he was gonna jam on his brakes to cause an accident to the other car..We were like, 'Why are they being so emotional? If you're tailgated, either speed up or change lanes la. What's the problem?'. It was hilarious la..
K la..rambled long enough. Haha. I think most of the toopid kids would have gone back also so I should make my move too..We'll see how things go the next few days without parents. Haha. I foresee I will not get home earlier than 4am everyday. =) except tomorrow cos I've got to send them off and then go for class and a medical checkup..toopid insurance.
I can't wait to see you, Nur.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Act 5, Scene 1: Learning about me: Lesson 1
Things have changed lately. But since they have, I've decided to not wallow in despair. So I'm going to let you learn more about me through my future posts. =)
Today in class, we learned how to use speech acts and rhetorical moves to anticipate what the reader expects to read and then write in response to that. But I just whine incessantly and you'll read k? Haha.=)
My goggles broke today. One of the snaps actually broke off so until I get a new one tomorrow, I can't go swim. Hai...sians.
Anyway, as you may have already guess, I have a pretty diverse taste in music. I won't go as far as saying I like certain types of music and dislike certain others but my affinity lies with rock, as I've mentioned before. Well, today I'd like to be a little more specific.
I'm sure everyone's heard of The Eagles, a circa 1970s rock band which was as (in)famous for its internal strife as they were for the beautiful music that they played. Their 1994 album, titled 'Hell Freezes Over' was not an allusion to Satan worshipping(as many of us kids were led to believe back in those days) but was a parody of something one of them once said in response to a question, when the band was going through some of its most turbulent times, if they would ever go on tour again. That member said, 'Yea, we will. When Hell freezes over!'.
That album featured live tracks of many of the typical Eagles songs such as 'Hotel California' and 'Tequila Sunrise'. Today, I shall feature the videos of both. They were taken during the Hell Freezes Over tour which coincided with the launch of the album.
Why do I like the Eagles?
Because I have never found a band whose voices could blend together so perfectly. That shall be evident in the first few seconds of the third video, also of 'Hotel California', but performed in 1976, where we see the band warming up for their performance with an impromptu acapella session. I nearly cried when I heard it. Their voices were so perfectly matched and as you will see in the video, the drummer (Don Henley) is actually the lead vocals for the song.
Another reason I love the Eagles so much is their talent in playing the guitar. As the first two videos will show, all of them are proficient at it but I truly admire Joe Walsh and his playing. In the 1994 videos, he's the blond guy wearing glasses. Watch him in the Hotel California video (both 1976 and 1994 versions) as he leads the guitar solo first before handing off to Don Felder, another accomplished player.
Haha. I know that's alot of information so I suggest you listen to all three songs first and pick out the best parts you like for yourselves and you can refer to my comments when you're done and try to see what I mean, yea?
First up, the 1994 version of Hotel California:
Second, the 1994 version of Tequila Sunrise (Glenn Frey on lead vocals. Beautiful mandolin solo by Don Felder). I love this song!:
And finally, the 1976 version of Hotel California (watch them warm up their vocals at the start..amazing):
Haha...hope you've enjoyed that. I did say that I'll sing Hotel California at my wedding. I might do Tequila Sunrise too. =) Need to find some supporting vocals. Hee.
I'm sorry, Nur.
Today in class, we learned how to use speech acts and rhetorical moves to anticipate what the reader expects to read and then write in response to that. But I just whine incessantly and you'll read k? Haha.=)
My goggles broke today. One of the snaps actually broke off so until I get a new one tomorrow, I can't go swim. Hai...sians.
Anyway, as you may have already guess, I have a pretty diverse taste in music. I won't go as far as saying I like certain types of music and dislike certain others but my affinity lies with rock, as I've mentioned before. Well, today I'd like to be a little more specific.
I'm sure everyone's heard of The Eagles, a circa 1970s rock band which was as (in)famous for its internal strife as they were for the beautiful music that they played. Their 1994 album, titled 'Hell Freezes Over' was not an allusion to Satan worshipping(as many of us kids were led to believe back in those days) but was a parody of something one of them once said in response to a question, when the band was going through some of its most turbulent times, if they would ever go on tour again. That member said, 'Yea, we will. When Hell freezes over!'.
That album featured live tracks of many of the typical Eagles songs such as 'Hotel California' and 'Tequila Sunrise'. Today, I shall feature the videos of both. They were taken during the Hell Freezes Over tour which coincided with the launch of the album.
Why do I like the Eagles?
Because I have never found a band whose voices could blend together so perfectly. That shall be evident in the first few seconds of the third video, also of 'Hotel California', but performed in 1976, where we see the band warming up for their performance with an impromptu acapella session. I nearly cried when I heard it. Their voices were so perfectly matched and as you will see in the video, the drummer (Don Henley) is actually the lead vocals for the song.
Another reason I love the Eagles so much is their talent in playing the guitar. As the first two videos will show, all of them are proficient at it but I truly admire Joe Walsh and his playing. In the 1994 videos, he's the blond guy wearing glasses. Watch him in the Hotel California video (both 1976 and 1994 versions) as he leads the guitar solo first before handing off to Don Felder, another accomplished player.
Haha. I know that's alot of information so I suggest you listen to all three songs first and pick out the best parts you like for yourselves and you can refer to my comments when you're done and try to see what I mean, yea?
First up, the 1994 version of Hotel California:
Second, the 1994 version of Tequila Sunrise (Glenn Frey on lead vocals. Beautiful mandolin solo by Don Felder). I love this song!:
And finally, the 1976 version of Hotel California (watch them warm up their vocals at the start..amazing):
Haha...hope you've enjoyed that. I did say that I'll sing Hotel California at my wedding. I might do Tequila Sunrise too. =) Need to find some supporting vocals. Hee.
I'm sorry, Nur.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Act 4, Scene 2: Prisoners
8:37 am
7 minutes late for lecture. Still driving at Sungei Tengah.
Suddenly..
I saw a RAINBOW. =)
Haha. I like rainbows. Cos they have 7 colours and I'm just so fascinated by it.
Then I saw a White Breasted Waterfowl foraging on NTU grounds. =)
Then I thought to myself, maybe things weren't going to be so bad.
So I went to school with a smile on my face. And I saw friends and played games and worked out.
And guess what?
Things were great. =)
I still love, Nur.
But I'm learning to deal.
7 minutes late for lecture. Still driving at Sungei Tengah.
Suddenly..
I saw a RAINBOW. =)
Haha. I like rainbows. Cos they have 7 colours and I'm just so fascinated by it.
Then I saw a White Breasted Waterfowl foraging on NTU grounds. =)
Then I thought to myself, maybe things weren't going to be so bad.
So I went to school with a smile on my face. And I saw friends and played games and worked out.
And guess what?
Things were great. =)
I still love, Nur.
But I'm learning to deal.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Interlude: I'm close to the edge
I'll add in some words later. I'm tired of crying.
Do you even care?
Act 4, Scene 1: Complication
I blew it.
And now my heart lies in pieces.
One question lingers, Princess.
What did I mean to you?
What am I to do now?
I've lost the one person I love.
The brightest of days seem as dark and monotonous as the midnight sun.
I feel a part of my heart ripped out.
I have lost the breaths, the glances, the laughs, the words and the smiles.
I have lost, Princess.
Is this the answer?
Please don't let it be...I beg you...for all that our friendship is worth...I beg you.
Sejuta nafas cinta
Bergelut rindu dendam
Membuat diri hilang arah dan pedoman
Sejuta nafas cinta
Mengintai hijab kasih
Membuat diri asyik dan kasmaran
Sunyi mengundang ilham indah kata-kata
Sepi mencipta madah hias duka lara
Kau penawar jiwa
Kau sinar segala-gala
Andai cinta gurauan untuk apa tangisan
Beralah malam siang bertakhta
Hariku masih gelita
Beredar hujan panas berlegar
Rindu masih tegar
Sejuta nafas cinta
Menyulam rintih pilu
Membuat diri racau dalam lamunan
Princess...what have you done to me?
I still love you, Nur.
And now my heart lies in pieces.
One question lingers, Princess.
What did I mean to you?
What am I to do now?
I've lost the one person I love.
The brightest of days seem as dark and monotonous as the midnight sun.
I feel a part of my heart ripped out.
I have lost the breaths, the glances, the laughs, the words and the smiles.
I have lost, Princess.
Is this the answer?
Please don't let it be...I beg you...for all that our friendship is worth...I beg you.
Sejuta nafas cinta
Bergelut rindu dendam
Membuat diri hilang arah dan pedoman
Sejuta nafas cinta
Mengintai hijab kasih
Membuat diri asyik dan kasmaran
Sunyi mengundang ilham indah kata-kata
Sepi mencipta madah hias duka lara
Kau penawar jiwa
Kau sinar segala-gala
Andai cinta gurauan untuk apa tangisan
Beralah malam siang bertakhta
Hariku masih gelita
Beredar hujan panas berlegar
Rindu masih tegar
Sejuta nafas cinta
Menyulam rintih pilu
Membuat diri racau dalam lamunan
Princess...what have you done to me?
I still love you, Nur.
Act 3, Scene 7: Hang
What time is it now?..Oh yea..8 am.
I got back at 330 just now. I slept at 4.
I woke up at 6.
I just got back.
2 hours of sleep.
I can't stand it anymore.
But since I can't sleep. I'll blog.
Princess and I had another argument again last night. 2 arguments in 2 nights. All detractors: START CHEERING
I don't wanna argue anymore. So if you're reading this, here's how it's broken down. The first part, I'm writing as a friend. The second, as what I had hoped to be.
I'm sure you got my 9-message long sms from last night. I read your blog this morning. Many questions got answered. I don't want to repeat what I said to you last night. If you wanna tell people on your own blog, that's up to you. But seeing how much you dislike talking about me, I don't think you will.
I don't want you to hurt yourself. Every friend would want to help prevent another from making mistakes, especially if they are the same mistakes. When I said I hurt when you do, I wasn't lying. But of course, I doubt you even care about how I feel so I don't wanna go into that.
It wasn't a counselling session. I was trying to support and motivate you. Also, when you asked those questions after our talk, it was about baring my heart to you. How many guys would dare to do such a thing, knowing the outcome? It is not easy for me to do that and I never crave the need for myself to be hurt by rejections over and over again.
The way I see it, I'm stuck in a worse predicament than you are.
You are in love with Amin.
I am in love with you.
He hurts you.
You hurt me.
You care about him.
You haven't shown you care about me.
He says you wasted his time and money.
I never said you wasted my time and money.
In a perfect world, I would have been able to capture your heart. Alas, we are not in a perfect world and for me to hope for it, is wishful thinking at best.
You shouldn't have asked me what a relationship meant to me.
This is what it means to be with you:
Every minute that I spend with you is precious;
like the breath God grants me to breathe.
I count my seconds with you as every single breath I take;
every glance I make at you;
every laugh I hear.
And for every one of those gifts I get, I try to spend a little bit more time with you. I try to take another breath, and make another glance and make you laugh one more time. I always pray that I get to spend another minute more with you.
I try to make you hear one more word spoken with my voice and another smile as I look at you.
And my promise to you would have been, that no matter how long we're in it together, and no matter how hard it would have gotten, I would still count every single moment by its breaths, smiles, glances, words and laughs. And I would firstly thank God for allowing just a little bit more; then I'll pray for more.
That is what my relationship with you means to me.
Would you have understood?
The question should have been:
'Why do you still have hope for this to work out?'
The answer would have been:
'Because we cannot predict the future.'
You told me that when I asked about Amin. Why can it apply to you and him and not to me?
I see all your other boyfriends. And they beat me by leaps and bounds.
I offer you nothing. Just promises.
I know you are ashamed of me. I see it in your eyes.
Did you know when I told Haryani that I did not want to woo her anymore?
When we came back from chalet, and when I said goodbye, she didn't even look at me.
What do you think I felt when I said goodbye to you and you did not even look at me?
Why did I get back at 4 in the morning?
Cos I was searching for answers. I haven't found one.
I am still in love with you. Give me a chance.
Hang is the name of a song by Matchbox 20.
Here it is:
Would you please give me a chance?
I got back at 330 just now. I slept at 4.
I woke up at 6.
I just got back.
2 hours of sleep.
I can't stand it anymore.
But since I can't sleep. I'll blog.
Princess and I had another argument again last night. 2 arguments in 2 nights. All detractors: START CHEERING
I don't wanna argue anymore. So if you're reading this, here's how it's broken down. The first part, I'm writing as a friend. The second, as what I had hoped to be.
I'm sure you got my 9-message long sms from last night. I read your blog this morning. Many questions got answered. I don't want to repeat what I said to you last night. If you wanna tell people on your own blog, that's up to you. But seeing how much you dislike talking about me, I don't think you will.
I don't want you to hurt yourself. Every friend would want to help prevent another from making mistakes, especially if they are the same mistakes. When I said I hurt when you do, I wasn't lying. But of course, I doubt you even care about how I feel so I don't wanna go into that.
It wasn't a counselling session. I was trying to support and motivate you. Also, when you asked those questions after our talk, it was about baring my heart to you. How many guys would dare to do such a thing, knowing the outcome? It is not easy for me to do that and I never crave the need for myself to be hurt by rejections over and over again.
The way I see it, I'm stuck in a worse predicament than you are.
You are in love with Amin.
I am in love with you.
He hurts you.
You hurt me.
You care about him.
You haven't shown you care about me.
He says you wasted his time and money.
I never said you wasted my time and money.
In a perfect world, I would have been able to capture your heart. Alas, we are not in a perfect world and for me to hope for it, is wishful thinking at best.
You shouldn't have asked me what a relationship meant to me.
This is what it means to be with you:
Every minute that I spend with you is precious;
like the breath God grants me to breathe.
I count my seconds with you as every single breath I take;
every glance I make at you;
every laugh I hear.
And for every one of those gifts I get, I try to spend a little bit more time with you. I try to take another breath, and make another glance and make you laugh one more time. I always pray that I get to spend another minute more with you.
I try to make you hear one more word spoken with my voice and another smile as I look at you.
And my promise to you would have been, that no matter how long we're in it together, and no matter how hard it would have gotten, I would still count every single moment by its breaths, smiles, glances, words and laughs. And I would firstly thank God for allowing just a little bit more; then I'll pray for more.
That is what my relationship with you means to me.
Would you have understood?
The question should have been:
'Why do you still have hope for this to work out?'
The answer would have been:
'Because we cannot predict the future.'
You told me that when I asked about Amin. Why can it apply to you and him and not to me?
I see all your other boyfriends. And they beat me by leaps and bounds.
I offer you nothing. Just promises.
I know you are ashamed of me. I see it in your eyes.
Did you know when I told Haryani that I did not want to woo her anymore?
When we came back from chalet, and when I said goodbye, she didn't even look at me.
What do you think I felt when I said goodbye to you and you did not even look at me?
Why did I get back at 4 in the morning?
Cos I was searching for answers. I haven't found one.
I am still in love with you. Give me a chance.
Hang is the name of a song by Matchbox 20.
Here it is:
Would you please give me a chance?
Friday, January 25, 2008
Act 3, Scene 6: I'm not nice.
Hallo.
Fell asleep the past couple of days after getting back from school. Haha. Ok let's jump straight in.
Lekha's a great buddy to have in school. She was kinda cool and I never thought I'd have such a good mentor. She was the Assistant Level Master or what would be an equivalent of an Assistant HOD. Initially, when I was assigned to be her buddy, I thought, 'Die ah..Assistant LM. Sure super-on one.' But she turned out nicer than I could have ever imagined.
Her table and mine were side-by-side in this obscure corner of the staff room so we usually had some privacy whenever we needed to bitch about work. Haha. I used to be so afraid of making a wrong move that I rarely ever turned back the first few weeks I was in school. But along the way, she showed me the ropes and even stooped down to hand-hold me a few times when things got hairy (and things did get hairy...up til senior management). But what I enjoyed most was that each morning, she'll come in and try and be cheerful and say 'good morning'. I didn't know it at that time but she usually got up at 5 in the morning to cater to her son's needs before heading off to work. Ha..compare that to lazy me who always got up at 630. But she'll always be cheerful and try and be optimistic. Whenever her favourite team, Liverpool played the previous night, she'll come in with either a smile on her face, or after greeting me, say 'Aiyah Azlan...why la must they....?'. Haha. Then we'll discuss soccer and stuff. She was nice to talk to and I felt like I had an elder sister right there in the Staff Room. =)
I don't know what to say about my situation with Princess anymore. So I won't say anything, lest I say something I might regret. =)
I just want you to know,
I love you, Nur.
Fell asleep the past couple of days after getting back from school. Haha. Ok let's jump straight in.
Lekha's a great buddy to have in school. She was kinda cool and I never thought I'd have such a good mentor. She was the Assistant Level Master or what would be an equivalent of an Assistant HOD. Initially, when I was assigned to be her buddy, I thought, 'Die ah..Assistant LM. Sure super-on one.' But she turned out nicer than I could have ever imagined.
Her table and mine were side-by-side in this obscure corner of the staff room so we usually had some privacy whenever we needed to bitch about work. Haha. I used to be so afraid of making a wrong move that I rarely ever turned back the first few weeks I was in school. But along the way, she showed me the ropes and even stooped down to hand-hold me a few times when things got hairy (and things did get hairy...up til senior management). But what I enjoyed most was that each morning, she'll come in and try and be cheerful and say 'good morning'. I didn't know it at that time but she usually got up at 5 in the morning to cater to her son's needs before heading off to work. Ha..compare that to lazy me who always got up at 630. But she'll always be cheerful and try and be optimistic. Whenever her favourite team, Liverpool played the previous night, she'll come in with either a smile on her face, or after greeting me, say 'Aiyah Azlan...why la must they....?'. Haha. Then we'll discuss soccer and stuff. She was nice to talk to and I felt like I had an elder sister right there in the Staff Room. =)
I don't know what to say about my situation with Princess anymore. So I won't say anything, lest I say something I might regret. =)
I just want you to know,
I love you, Nur.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Act 3, Scene 5: Space
I've a packed day today. But I'm not yet in school. Haha. But when I am later, it's gonna be hell. Imagine this, I'll have a 7 hour block in school from 1030 till 530 and I'll only have an hour's break in between two 3 hour blocks. Haha. I had a revelation in the shower earlier. My timetable looks like this:
Monday - 3 Periods
Tuesday - 5 Periods
Wednesday - 6 Periods
Thursday - No Periods (Woohoo!)
Friday - 1 Period
So every Monday I kinda build up my week til Wednesday and I tell myself that I only have to go through 3 days before I start my 3 3/4 day weekend. Haha. I managed to move my English tutorial from Friday to Wednesday. Cos I thought I'd rather have a packed day then have to wait 5 hours on Friday. So on Fridays, I get to go home at 930. =)
Was watching Ellen on TV earlier. Then she showed this video of a couple dancing to the Righteous Brother's Unchained Melody, which I think is a great love song. And I thought about Gemuk. Haha. Who's Gemuk? Hmm, he's my darling pet. I've been living in my present house for close to 12 years now. Gemuk was around for more than 9. He was like a child I raised but he passed away a couple of years ago. Hmm, I dont have a picture of him. I guess I lost them when my old laptop got reformatted. Well, he's a white rabbit with red eyes and pink ears. Haha. And his nose is split down the middle cos of a fight he had with another rabbit when he was 2. What do I remember best about him? His nose that twitches while he breathes (actually all rabbits' noses twitches but his looks cute cos his nose is split), how his mouth will be stained orange when he eats carrots, how he will allow me to check his teeth and ears and just stay still till I'm done, the very cute way he sneezes, and most of all, his cute-ness when he snuggles up to you when he's tired or scared. He'll nudge around and poke his nose up to me while I'm lying down watching tv, trying to find a comfortable spot and when he's found it, he'll go to sleep. Haha.
I think Gemuk's the only rabbit ever to have gone to Suntec City when we brought him there once cos we didn't wanna leave him in the car, so we brought him in a bag. Haha. He's had rides in the car and he's even been to Johor and East Coast. He's a pretty cool pet and I remember watching him grow up. He liked to eat mimosa flowers when I brought him to the field once. I mean, he just ran around looking for mimosa flowers and eating them. Haha. So cute.
I think a bond with a pet is really special, even when you don't understand what the other is thinking. I enjoy spending time with him and I don't know if he liked having me around but I think he must have tolerated me. I used to talk to him whenever I was sad and although he's probably thinking, 'This human's crazy.', his eyes never betrayed such a thought. He never judged me and never withdrew. =)
Hmm, I talked to my Buddy from my contract school yesterday. I had sent her an sms asking how she was then her smart alecky self replied with this message that sounded so suicidal. I panicked la..So I called her. Then when I did, she picked up and it went like this:
Me: Who's this?
Buddy: Funny la you. Call me then ask who is this. Haha.
Me: Lekha? Oei..why you laughing? What was that message all about?
Lekha: Haha. It's a joke la boy (she calls me boy since I was in school). Didn't you scroll down?
Me: Must scroll ah? I panicked la! No time to scroll..thought something happened to you. Crazy la..
Lekha: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA..
Me: Please don't do that. You almost killed me la..
Ok. Stupid me. I know.
I really thought she was in trouble. Hai..So anyway we had a long-delayed chat on the phone about life. Lekha's an assigned buddy of mine when I was a contract teacher. Initially I was afraid of her cos we had to call her Madam Lekha and she sat behind me and was quiet to me most of the time. Then one day we had to do some stuff for the SEED room so she turned out to be this wacky lady. Haha.
Oh well, I'll update later. I need to go to school now.
=)
I'll wait, Nur.
Monday - 3 Periods
Tuesday - 5 Periods
Wednesday - 6 Periods
Thursday - No Periods (Woohoo!)
Friday - 1 Period
So every Monday I kinda build up my week til Wednesday and I tell myself that I only have to go through 3 days before I start my 3 3/4 day weekend. Haha. I managed to move my English tutorial from Friday to Wednesday. Cos I thought I'd rather have a packed day then have to wait 5 hours on Friday. So on Fridays, I get to go home at 930. =)
Was watching Ellen on TV earlier. Then she showed this video of a couple dancing to the Righteous Brother's Unchained Melody, which I think is a great love song. And I thought about Gemuk. Haha. Who's Gemuk? Hmm, he's my darling pet. I've been living in my present house for close to 12 years now. Gemuk was around for more than 9. He was like a child I raised but he passed away a couple of years ago. Hmm, I dont have a picture of him. I guess I lost them when my old laptop got reformatted. Well, he's a white rabbit with red eyes and pink ears. Haha. And his nose is split down the middle cos of a fight he had with another rabbit when he was 2. What do I remember best about him? His nose that twitches while he breathes (actually all rabbits' noses twitches but his looks cute cos his nose is split), how his mouth will be stained orange when he eats carrots, how he will allow me to check his teeth and ears and just stay still till I'm done, the very cute way he sneezes, and most of all, his cute-ness when he snuggles up to you when he's tired or scared. He'll nudge around and poke his nose up to me while I'm lying down watching tv, trying to find a comfortable spot and when he's found it, he'll go to sleep. Haha.
I think Gemuk's the only rabbit ever to have gone to Suntec City when we brought him there once cos we didn't wanna leave him in the car, so we brought him in a bag. Haha. He's had rides in the car and he's even been to Johor and East Coast. He's a pretty cool pet and I remember watching him grow up. He liked to eat mimosa flowers when I brought him to the field once. I mean, he just ran around looking for mimosa flowers and eating them. Haha. So cute.
I think a bond with a pet is really special, even when you don't understand what the other is thinking. I enjoy spending time with him and I don't know if he liked having me around but I think he must have tolerated me. I used to talk to him whenever I was sad and although he's probably thinking, 'This human's crazy.', his eyes never betrayed such a thought. He never judged me and never withdrew. =)
Hmm, I talked to my Buddy from my contract school yesterday. I had sent her an sms asking how she was then her smart alecky self replied with this message that sounded so suicidal. I panicked la..So I called her. Then when I did, she picked up and it went like this:
Me: Who's this?
Buddy: Funny la you. Call me then ask who is this. Haha.
Me: Lekha? Oei..why you laughing? What was that message all about?
Lekha: Haha. It's a joke la boy (she calls me boy since I was in school). Didn't you scroll down?
Me: Must scroll ah? I panicked la! No time to scroll..thought something happened to you. Crazy la..
Lekha: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA..
Me: Please don't do that. You almost killed me la..
Ok. Stupid me. I know.
I really thought she was in trouble. Hai..So anyway we had a long-delayed chat on the phone about life. Lekha's an assigned buddy of mine when I was a contract teacher. Initially I was afraid of her cos we had to call her Madam Lekha and she sat behind me and was quiet to me most of the time. Then one day we had to do some stuff for the SEED room so she turned out to be this wacky lady. Haha.
Oh well, I'll update later. I need to go to school now.
=)
I'll wait, Nur.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Act 3, Scene 4: Am I cold?
Tutor: Wow. You guys are much more warm than I am. But a word of caution: Don't be too nice. Especially in Singapore because the people here will step on you.
I was thinking about what she said.
I'm too tired to say anything today.
I'm sad, Princess.
Will you care? =(
I really love you.
But I'm crying inside.
I really do, Nur.
I was thinking about what she said.
I'm too tired to say anything today.
I'm sad, Princess.
Will you care? =(
I really love you.
But I'm crying inside.
I really do, Nur.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Act 3, Scene 3: Rocks and Stones
Hmm, not depressed today! Yaay..cos I got to talk to Princess. =)
Hmm, today, I'd like to share another video with you. Haha. I've been writing too much la lately. It's time for a break to watch another video.
I've always liked rock; be it slow or hard or metal or even some facets of emo. I guess there must be something enjoyable in it to make me like it. I really like guitar solos and bands like Guns and Roses and Deep Purple really have a huge influence on what I like listening to. I feel that although the lyrics and vocals play a major role in a song, a few solos wouldn't hurt either. Even My Chemical Romance's Ray Toro puts in a few short solos into their songs and watching him with his huge hair bent over the guitar, with such anguish on his face, well, it just reminds one of Slash. =)
But today's video is from Iron Maiden. I really like watching them perform because its always so energetic and it makes them seem like they're having lots of fun. Bands nowadays tend to want to be individualistic and you don't see so much interactions among their members as if they're trying to outperform each other.
This was taken in 1992 so that explains the hair and outfit and the kinda lousy quality. But listen to the song and remember these lyrics. I think even if you do not like the music, reading the lyrics would help explain why I think this is such a great song. =)
So here's the video
And the lyrics:
I'm waiting in my cold cell when the bell begins to chime
Reflecting on my past life and it doesn't have much time
Cos at 5 o'clock they take me to the Gallows Pole
The sands of time for me are running low
When the priest comes to read me the last rites
I take a look through the bars at the last sights
Of a world that has gone very wrong for me
Can it be there's been some sort of an error
Hard to stop the surmounting terror
Is it really the end not some crazy dream
Somebody please tell me that I'm dreaming
It's not easy to stop from screaming
But words escape me when I try to speak
Tears they flow but why am I crying
After all am I not afraid of dying
Don't believe that there never is an end
As the guards march me out to the courtyard
Someone calls from a cell "God be with you"
If there's a God then why has he let me die?
As I walk all my life drifts before me
And though the end is near I'm not sorry
Catch my soul cos it's willing to fly away
Mark my words please believe my soul lives on
Please don't worry now that I have gone
I've gone beyond to see the truth
When you know that your time is close at hand
Maybe then you'll begin to understand
Life down there is just a strange illusion
See what I mean? It sounds like a short story of a man who is going to die and the thoughts that run through his mind as he takes his final steps. Nothing SATANIC about it right? Dunno why people always associate rock with that guy. =P
Hope you liked it.
Princess, glad you're ok.
I love you.
I love, Nur.
Hmm, today, I'd like to share another video with you. Haha. I've been writing too much la lately. It's time for a break to watch another video.
I've always liked rock; be it slow or hard or metal or even some facets of emo. I guess there must be something enjoyable in it to make me like it. I really like guitar solos and bands like Guns and Roses and Deep Purple really have a huge influence on what I like listening to. I feel that although the lyrics and vocals play a major role in a song, a few solos wouldn't hurt either. Even My Chemical Romance's Ray Toro puts in a few short solos into their songs and watching him with his huge hair bent over the guitar, with such anguish on his face, well, it just reminds one of Slash. =)
But today's video is from Iron Maiden. I really like watching them perform because its always so energetic and it makes them seem like they're having lots of fun. Bands nowadays tend to want to be individualistic and you don't see so much interactions among their members as if they're trying to outperform each other.
This was taken in 1992 so that explains the hair and outfit and the kinda lousy quality. But listen to the song and remember these lyrics. I think even if you do not like the music, reading the lyrics would help explain why I think this is such a great song. =)
So here's the video
And the lyrics:
I'm waiting in my cold cell when the bell begins to chime
Reflecting on my past life and it doesn't have much time
Cos at 5 o'clock they take me to the Gallows Pole
The sands of time for me are running low
When the priest comes to read me the last rites
I take a look through the bars at the last sights
Of a world that has gone very wrong for me
Can it be there's been some sort of an error
Hard to stop the surmounting terror
Is it really the end not some crazy dream
Somebody please tell me that I'm dreaming
It's not easy to stop from screaming
But words escape me when I try to speak
Tears they flow but why am I crying
After all am I not afraid of dying
Don't believe that there never is an end
As the guards march me out to the courtyard
Someone calls from a cell "God be with you"
If there's a God then why has he let me die?
As I walk all my life drifts before me
And though the end is near I'm not sorry
Catch my soul cos it's willing to fly away
Mark my words please believe my soul lives on
Please don't worry now that I have gone
I've gone beyond to see the truth
When you know that your time is close at hand
Maybe then you'll begin to understand
Life down there is just a strange illusion
See what I mean? It sounds like a short story of a man who is going to die and the thoughts that run through his mind as he takes his final steps. Nothing SATANIC about it right? Dunno why people always associate rock with that guy. =P
Hope you liked it.
Princess, glad you're ok.
I love you.
I love, Nur.
Friday, January 18, 2008
Act 3, Scene 2: Resurgence
I went to school early today. Didn't see a point staying so long at home so I got up, for the first time this semester, right when the alarm went off. Too tired to bring my backpack so I brought my sling one, another first.
I took Anarex before bed yesterday.
Hai...
I had fun in school today. I arrived early so I smoked awhile at the carpark before making my way up to class. I got there before the lecturer so I thought I might as well walk around a bit. Friday mornings are nice in NIE cos there are not too many people around.
Math was okay I guess. Not much information got absorbed though. Haha. After Math, I kinda ran around the campus trying to settle my MC business. I had planned it this way:
1) I'll go to the Admin Office to get the MC form
2) I'll go to the library to photocopy my MCs
3) I'll go to Block 3 to submit it to 2 tutors
4) I'll go to Block 7 to submit it to 1 tutor
Turned out it went like this:
1) I had to go visit my other Math tutor in Block 7 first.
2) I went to the Admin Office only to find out that the letter needs to be printed out by us.
3) I had to go to the library to print it out.
4) I had to photocopy my MCs.
5) I had to go to Block 3 for submission.
6) I went to Block 7 for another submission.
7) I went back to Admin Office to submit the originals.
Grrrrrrr......
I then met my mentor for lunch. As usual she had nothing to eat so I was eating alone. We had a short talk about religion and the true commodity for world economics. You see, people always talk about gold and diamonds being among the most valuable types of objects. I mean, when you watch a James Bond film, they're almost always fighting over diamonds and jewels and gold and stuff. But do you realise that the blood which pumps through the veins of world economics is actually oil?
OIL..CRUDE OIL.
Wars are being fought over control of this commodity. Wars aren't being fought over gold. It's for the control of oil. I can't tell you much about the details but think about it; oil's used for almost everything we need. Plastic comes from oil. Our daily commute on public or private transports uses oil. (Then some idiots are gonna say: But MRT never use oil mah?.. To which my reply is, 'You bumbling idiot. And where do you suppose you get the fuel to burn the water that turns your turbines in the power station to generate electricity? From your ass when you fart?') Yes, for those uninformed, we use fuel to produce steam at our power stations. Oil is also used in many other processes to help produce many other products which basically means that when we run out of oil, well, let's just say I'm not too comfortable without electricity and cars (of course many tribes in the various jungles of the world will rejoice because the entire human race is going to be like them soon). I say this,
"Don't make another film about vampires/zombies/vampire-zombies, fat,green animated characters, old men who never had sex, princesses who didn't know they were princesses till their grandmothers came into their lives suddenly and tell them so etc."
You wanna scare people? Make a movie about a world that has run out of oil. Hey, you wouldn't be too far off since they predict that the world oil production will peak in 2015. What does peak mean? Well, imagine a mountain top. You've climbed up one side and when you reach the top, you go down the OTHER side. Get the idea?
After 2015, there's not going to be MORE oil. It's only going to get less. Scary enough for you? I hope they make a movie about it. Will Smith in I am Legend was just too disappointing.
Ahh...enough ranting. No oil, global-warming, bird flu, never-ending wars, boring tv shows on Channel 5(how many of you actually watched the show that tried to copy That 70's Show?..c'mon, be honest..)..the world does sound like a depressing place. Haha. I tried reading Albert Camus' 'The Myth of Sisyphus' in the library earlier. It discusses suicide and what it means to different people. Hmm, I shall keep this for another entry.
Anyway, Princess went shopping today with her friends. =) That's nice..haha. So I'm at home typing this out in my semi-depressed-confused state cos I've got no one to talk to. I miss her already...=(
Oh well, enough ranting. One piece of good news - I managed to change my English Tutorial to Wednesday thus freeing up my Friday afternoon..My tutor's such a nice guy. Haha.
I'm going to sleep.
I miss, Nur. =(
(Call me, will ya?)
I took Anarex before bed yesterday.
Hai...
I had fun in school today. I arrived early so I smoked awhile at the carpark before making my way up to class. I got there before the lecturer so I thought I might as well walk around a bit. Friday mornings are nice in NIE cos there are not too many people around.
Math was okay I guess. Not much information got absorbed though. Haha. After Math, I kinda ran around the campus trying to settle my MC business. I had planned it this way:
1) I'll go to the Admin Office to get the MC form
2) I'll go to the library to photocopy my MCs
3) I'll go to Block 3 to submit it to 2 tutors
4) I'll go to Block 7 to submit it to 1 tutor
Turned out it went like this:
1) I had to go visit my other Math tutor in Block 7 first.
2) I went to the Admin Office only to find out that the letter needs to be printed out by us.
3) I had to go to the library to print it out.
4) I had to photocopy my MCs.
5) I had to go to Block 3 for submission.
6) I went to Block 7 for another submission.
7) I went back to Admin Office to submit the originals.
Grrrrrrr......
I then met my mentor for lunch. As usual she had nothing to eat so I was eating alone. We had a short talk about religion and the true commodity for world economics. You see, people always talk about gold and diamonds being among the most valuable types of objects. I mean, when you watch a James Bond film, they're almost always fighting over diamonds and jewels and gold and stuff. But do you realise that the blood which pumps through the veins of world economics is actually oil?
OIL..CRUDE OIL.
Wars are being fought over control of this commodity. Wars aren't being fought over gold. It's for the control of oil. I can't tell you much about the details but think about it; oil's used for almost everything we need. Plastic comes from oil. Our daily commute on public or private transports uses oil. (Then some idiots are gonna say: But MRT never use oil mah?.. To which my reply is, 'You bumbling idiot. And where do you suppose you get the fuel to burn the water that turns your turbines in the power station to generate electricity? From your ass when you fart?') Yes, for those uninformed, we use fuel to produce steam at our power stations. Oil is also used in many other processes to help produce many other products which basically means that when we run out of oil, well, let's just say I'm not too comfortable without electricity and cars (of course many tribes in the various jungles of the world will rejoice because the entire human race is going to be like them soon). I say this,
"Don't make another film about vampires/zombies/vampire-zombies, fat,green animated characters, old men who never had sex, princesses who didn't know they were princesses till their grandmothers came into their lives suddenly and tell them so etc."
You wanna scare people? Make a movie about a world that has run out of oil. Hey, you wouldn't be too far off since they predict that the world oil production will peak in 2015. What does peak mean? Well, imagine a mountain top. You've climbed up one side and when you reach the top, you go down the OTHER side. Get the idea?
After 2015, there's not going to be MORE oil. It's only going to get less. Scary enough for you? I hope they make a movie about it. Will Smith in I am Legend was just too disappointing.
Ahh...enough ranting. No oil, global-warming, bird flu, never-ending wars, boring tv shows on Channel 5(how many of you actually watched the show that tried to copy That 70's Show?..c'mon, be honest..)..the world does sound like a depressing place. Haha. I tried reading Albert Camus' 'The Myth of Sisyphus' in the library earlier. It discusses suicide and what it means to different people. Hmm, I shall keep this for another entry.
Anyway, Princess went shopping today with her friends. =) That's nice..haha. So I'm at home typing this out in my semi-depressed-confused state cos I've got no one to talk to. I miss her already...=(
Oh well, enough ranting. One piece of good news - I managed to change my English Tutorial to Wednesday thus freeing up my Friday afternoon..My tutor's such a nice guy. Haha.
I'm going to sleep.
I miss, Nur. =(
(Call me, will ya?)
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Act 3, Scene 1: Evolution
What's there to write about?
Hmm...
Play that song while you read through this entry.
I sent Princess to work today. Hmm, I try to spend time with her especially now cos I kinda feel she needs someone there in case she needs it.
So anyway, I saw a Kingfisher and a Purple Heron today. Haha. In case you didn't already know, I used to have that Young Scientist badge for Ornithology(Birds). I used to look at birds all the time and I pretty much can identify some of the more easier and more-commonly seen birds we have in Singapore. Haha. For example, how many types of mynahs do you think make their homes permanently on the island?
3.
The Common Mynah (the brown ones with the yellow napes around their eyes)
The Feral Mynah (the ubiquitous black ones that outnumber the Common Mynahs)
The Hill Mynah (usually kept by bird-song enthusiasts for their ability for mimicry)
=)
I kinda felt angry after dropping Princess off today. Cos of what she said just before she left. Hmm, the fact that we did not get to talk after work didn't help. Hai...
Here's Princess' favourite Lisa Scene from The Simpson's movie.
Lisa: Oh wait! I didn't tell you the best part. He loves the environment! No wait! I still haven't told you the best part. He's got an Irish Brood! No wait! I still haven't told you the best part. HE'S NOT IMAGINARY!
Haha..I love your laugh, Lisa.
Hai..going off now. So sorry I sound so depressed.
Princess, every time you say 'Whatever', my heart breaks. If only you knew, would you still say it?
My heart is already broken, Princess. Would you do anything to make it better?
I must love, Nur.
Hmm...
Play that song while you read through this entry.
I sent Princess to work today. Hmm, I try to spend time with her especially now cos I kinda feel she needs someone there in case she needs it.
So anyway, I saw a Kingfisher and a Purple Heron today. Haha. In case you didn't already know, I used to have that Young Scientist badge for Ornithology(Birds). I used to look at birds all the time and I pretty much can identify some of the more easier and more-commonly seen birds we have in Singapore. Haha. For example, how many types of mynahs do you think make their homes permanently on the island?
3.
The Common Mynah (the brown ones with the yellow napes around their eyes)
The Feral Mynah (the ubiquitous black ones that outnumber the Common Mynahs)
The Hill Mynah (usually kept by bird-song enthusiasts for their ability for mimicry)
=)
I kinda felt angry after dropping Princess off today. Cos of what she said just before she left. Hmm, the fact that we did not get to talk after work didn't help. Hai...
Here's Princess' favourite Lisa Scene from The Simpson's movie.
Lisa: Oh wait! I didn't tell you the best part. He loves the environment! No wait! I still haven't told you the best part. He's got an Irish Brood! No wait! I still haven't told you the best part. HE'S NOT IMAGINARY!
Haha..I love your laugh, Lisa.
Hai..going off now. So sorry I sound so depressed.
Princess, every time you say 'Whatever', my heart breaks. If only you knew, would you still say it?
My heart is already broken, Princess. Would you do anything to make it better?
I must love, Nur.
Act 2, Scene 14: Why so many Scenes?
I need to go to Act 3 soon.
Hmm, but I'll need a reason first. (Not like I'll stick to it. Look at Scene 1)
Today's Wednesday right? Oh no..It's Thursday already. Which means its been two days since I saw Princess. =(
I didn't even get to talk to her today. Just a short conversation while she was walking to her movie. Not nearly enough. Hai..
I felt kinda sucky today. I don't know why. I'm caught up in this conundrum where I kinda dislike going to school (partly cos of what's happened in the last semester and also because I hate 2 tutors now instead of just 1). I still have my mentor though. But I just dont feel the joy I used to. I can't explain it.
But I think I'll try.(Those of you who want to preserve your admiration for me STOP reading now, I'm in RANT mode)
During the holidays, I spoke to some people I havent spoken to for some time. I guess it was because I was bored. So anyway, I kinda ask too much sometimes; I always need assurances and to know the fail-safes so that I would be prepared for an eventuality. But talking to these people set me thinking; about the person I thought I was..and the person they perceieved me as.
The person I was five-seven years ago:
Back in secondary school, I was one of five Malay students in my school's express stream. We were three guys and two girls. I had one other Malay girl in my class. So most of my friends were naturally Chinese (my school had a near-zero Indian population due to the lack of a Tamil-language teacher). I had one best friend throughout my days in the school and he was a Malay guy.
Then I moved on to a JC. I had wanted to try for a Poly slot but I couldn't find anything that would interest me. I had wanted to take Nautical Studies but my parents wouldn't allow me to. So I went to a JC. In JC, there was a sizeable Malay population. But due to my 4 years spent around a mostly-Chinese crowd, I took to them faster than I did with the Malays. To think about it, I wouldn't be able to name a single Malay girl I went to school with other than those I already knew.
In both those institutions, I was branded an outcast because of my reluctance to mingle and my obvious difference from my peers. I had a select group of friends who I chose to mix around with but I never had that many.
After JC, I went off to NS. Let's just say I survived that ordeal based on my well-grounded basics of back-stabbing.
Then I languished for a couple of months before starting to work in a school. It was a new experience but it was never difficult. I enjoyed it. And I made new friends.
Relationship-wise, I've only had one. And it's suffice to say, she was..loose. After what happened, I decided to stay away for a while and just concentrate on myself for a change. When I started working, I thought, might as well get back on the wagon..but things did not turn out for the best.
Person I was two years ago (2006):
I felt blessed with the friends I had made and I could see a positive change in me. I was no longer painfully shy and afraid of being in a new situation; I was no longer brash and impulsive; I had learnt the value of a patient conversation. I felt, for the first time in my life, I had matured.
Then last year, I took my new found self to school. For the first time in 5 years, I was back in school. I told myself it was a new beginning and a chance for me to prove to myself that the change is a positive one. I made lots of new friends. And I enjoyed most of my lessons.
Outside school, I met a wonderful girl. From the very start we agreed that we were in it for the friendship. And we are still at it. It's still a new friendship but we're growing positively and I treasure every moment God grants me to spend with her. I would be lying if I said I didn't love her and that I don't want anything more with her. I hope God grants me the opportunity.
I digress.
I had my ups and downs but I still tried to remain positive.
Then something happened that brought me crashing down to earth and force this self-analysis.
Someone said I was 'self-absorbed'.
Those closest to me know that I have a serious case of inferiority-complex. And when that revelation hit me, I felt like all my years of transformation had gone to waste. I started a nervous analysis and I looked at my relationships with those around me with terrible scrutiny. I overanalysed and was over-sensitive and the people I had worked so hard to be close to were now pushing me away.
I was...crumbling.
I was walking with a classmate on Monday after school. She had wanted me to accompany her to the clinic. On our way back, as we were talking, I bumped into my best friend from Secondary school. We said our customary 'Hi's and parted after a short exchange. As we continued walking, she asked me, "Who's that?" and I told her, "My ex-best friend". She laughed and said, "Got such thing, meh?". You know what?
I couldn't answer her.
On Tuesday, I lied to Shukor about fixing my car. Initially he was to go with me but since Princess was in trouble, I told him I was going with someone from school. He said, "Yea la.Who am I?..people in NIE are different." I didn't reply.
Two questions linger now for me.
1) Am I a bad friend?
2) Do I offend people, unknowingly, with the way I speak or the way I look?
"Do all your girlfriends have good-looking boyfriends? Is that a criteria when they're choosing a guy?"
"Yea..most of them."
You know what went through my mind?
"So you're ashamed of me?"
I always wonder why I have certain friends and why I can't be friends with another group of people although we share mutual friends.
"You laugh like Lisa."
"Good la. Next time when I look at Patrick I'll think of you and when you look at Lisa, you'll think of me."
I don't know what else to say. I'm already crying now. Maybe it isn't a good time to think.
I won't, then.
Goodnight.
I love, Nur. Very much.
=(
Hmm, but I'll need a reason first. (Not like I'll stick to it. Look at Scene 1)
Today's Wednesday right? Oh no..It's Thursday already. Which means its been two days since I saw Princess. =(
I didn't even get to talk to her today. Just a short conversation while she was walking to her movie. Not nearly enough. Hai..
I felt kinda sucky today. I don't know why. I'm caught up in this conundrum where I kinda dislike going to school (partly cos of what's happened in the last semester and also because I hate 2 tutors now instead of just 1). I still have my mentor though. But I just dont feel the joy I used to. I can't explain it.
But I think I'll try.(Those of you who want to preserve your admiration for me STOP reading now, I'm in RANT mode)
During the holidays, I spoke to some people I havent spoken to for some time. I guess it was because I was bored. So anyway, I kinda ask too much sometimes; I always need assurances and to know the fail-safes so that I would be prepared for an eventuality. But talking to these people set me thinking; about the person I thought I was..and the person they perceieved me as.
The person I was five-seven years ago:
Back in secondary school, I was one of five Malay students in my school's express stream. We were three guys and two girls. I had one other Malay girl in my class. So most of my friends were naturally Chinese (my school had a near-zero Indian population due to the lack of a Tamil-language teacher). I had one best friend throughout my days in the school and he was a Malay guy.
Then I moved on to a JC. I had wanted to try for a Poly slot but I couldn't find anything that would interest me. I had wanted to take Nautical Studies but my parents wouldn't allow me to. So I went to a JC. In JC, there was a sizeable Malay population. But due to my 4 years spent around a mostly-Chinese crowd, I took to them faster than I did with the Malays. To think about it, I wouldn't be able to name a single Malay girl I went to school with other than those I already knew.
In both those institutions, I was branded an outcast because of my reluctance to mingle and my obvious difference from my peers. I had a select group of friends who I chose to mix around with but I never had that many.
After JC, I went off to NS. Let's just say I survived that ordeal based on my well-grounded basics of back-stabbing.
Then I languished for a couple of months before starting to work in a school. It was a new experience but it was never difficult. I enjoyed it. And I made new friends.
Relationship-wise, I've only had one. And it's suffice to say, she was..loose. After what happened, I decided to stay away for a while and just concentrate on myself for a change. When I started working, I thought, might as well get back on the wagon..but things did not turn out for the best.
Person I was two years ago (2006):
I felt blessed with the friends I had made and I could see a positive change in me. I was no longer painfully shy and afraid of being in a new situation; I was no longer brash and impulsive; I had learnt the value of a patient conversation. I felt, for the first time in my life, I had matured.
Then last year, I took my new found self to school. For the first time in 5 years, I was back in school. I told myself it was a new beginning and a chance for me to prove to myself that the change is a positive one. I made lots of new friends. And I enjoyed most of my lessons.
Outside school, I met a wonderful girl. From the very start we agreed that we were in it for the friendship. And we are still at it. It's still a new friendship but we're growing positively and I treasure every moment God grants me to spend with her. I would be lying if I said I didn't love her and that I don't want anything more with her. I hope God grants me the opportunity.
I digress.
I had my ups and downs but I still tried to remain positive.
Then something happened that brought me crashing down to earth and force this self-analysis.
Someone said I was 'self-absorbed'.
Those closest to me know that I have a serious case of inferiority-complex. And when that revelation hit me, I felt like all my years of transformation had gone to waste. I started a nervous analysis and I looked at my relationships with those around me with terrible scrutiny. I overanalysed and was over-sensitive and the people I had worked so hard to be close to were now pushing me away.
I was...crumbling.
I was walking with a classmate on Monday after school. She had wanted me to accompany her to the clinic. On our way back, as we were talking, I bumped into my best friend from Secondary school. We said our customary 'Hi's and parted after a short exchange. As we continued walking, she asked me, "Who's that?" and I told her, "My ex-best friend". She laughed and said, "Got such thing, meh?". You know what?
I couldn't answer her.
On Tuesday, I lied to Shukor about fixing my car. Initially he was to go with me but since Princess was in trouble, I told him I was going with someone from school. He said, "Yea la.Who am I?..people in NIE are different." I didn't reply.
Two questions linger now for me.
1) Am I a bad friend?
2) Do I offend people, unknowingly, with the way I speak or the way I look?
"Do all your girlfriends have good-looking boyfriends? Is that a criteria when they're choosing a guy?"
"Yea..most of them."
You know what went through my mind?
"So you're ashamed of me?"
I always wonder why I have certain friends and why I can't be friends with another group of people although we share mutual friends.
"You laugh like Lisa."
"Good la. Next time when I look at Patrick I'll think of you and when you look at Lisa, you'll think of me."
I don't know what else to say. I'm already crying now. Maybe it isn't a good time to think.
I won't, then.
Goodnight.
I love, Nur. Very much.
=(
Act 2, Scene 13: I'm just sooooo wasted
Medical Leave...
2 days...
No school...
Tomorrow...also no school...
3 days of no school...
How did I end up like this?
Because the doctor gave me a stree-relieving pill that weighs just 25 miligram.
Its effect?
I took it at 10pm last night. It's now 11am the next morning.
I'm still WASTED.
I walked to the clinic earlier to get an extension for my MC. I must have walked an extra 200 metres with my sideways motion and constant smiling. I think a couple of people were getting ready to call for an Institue of Mental Health ambulance to take me away.
Note to self: Next time doctor offers you sleeping or 'Stress-relieving' pills, decline furiously.
=P
My head hurts.
Anyway, yesterday, I tried to get my license plate fixed. I was lounging around on the bed planning my day out in my head when I got a call. 6...8...7...2...Hmm, MOE number. (I actually scrutinize every number that appears on my mobile since my Financial Adviser became loco and tried to get me to sign up for every Tom, Dick and Harry plan he could think of to siphon away my money)
I thought a mouse was calling me. Her voice was so soft I actually had to turn up the volume on my phone. Hmm, something's wrong.
"What's wrong?"
"Can you fetch me from work today?"
"Yea, I guess so."
"I'm taking half day."
"Oh..but I need to fix my car first."
"Will it take long? Can you fetch me first then we'll go?"
"Ok...What's wrong?"
"Amin called."
"..."
Hmm, Princess is in trouble again. So I went to fetch her after my doctor's appointment (See above). Along the way, I tried to retrace my journey from the previous day. As I was driving by the scene of the crime, I saw a glint on the road. I slowed down and, lo and behold, there it was! My License PLATE! So I parked my car at this multi storey carpark in Farrer Road, ran to the scene, dashed across 3 lanes of busy road and got it back. Analysing the plate, I was sure it was a big rock. It actually tore off a huge chunk from the plate. Hai...Thank God it didn't hit my car.
So anyway I picked her up from work and she was visibly upset. We went to Sin Ming to find a plate maker but I only found this one shop where the owner was asleep and all his workers had gone home. After placing an order, we drove off. She had wanted to blog so we went to Thomson Plaza's Starbucks to make use of the Wifi.
Funny thing: I asked if she was hungry since it was lunch time. She said she was still full from breakfast. So I bought her a sandwich and an Oreo Cheesecake in case she got peckish. Haha..she finished everything la! So much for not being hungry.. =)
We didn't talk much about what happened cos she didn't want to. I let it rest but soon she couldn't think of anything to blog about so we started surfing the net and playing around with Facebook.
Anyone who's spent time with Princess knows she's got a cute laugh. But as we were watching The Simpsons Movie (IN 2D!) on my laptop, I realised she actually laughs like Lisa. Haha.
We got tired of watching after the Penis Sequence involving Bart, a skateboard and a french fry.
So we went to Upper Seletar Reservoir to have a short talk. I knew how much Princess likes looking at monkeys and everytime she gets sad, we go look at the critters. Turns out all the friskiness of the monkeys from a few months back have produced lots of cute baby monkeys. Haha.
As we parked, the sky started to darken. I'd gotten a good spot overlooking the reservoir and we could see far off into the distance. This was where we had our talk. It was all ok and she started telling me about what happened. I said I was happy she took the first step to moving on.
Then, this happened:
"Why must we go through so much heartbreak?"
"They are all lessons for you. To help you in making better decisions in future. Yes, they hurt. But the hurt is supposed to help you remember the next time you want to make the decision: Is he the one for me?"
We talked for a long time..I think it was almost two hours.
"Everyday when I wake up, I try to think of ways I can meet her today. If I can't, I would think of ways that I can speak with her; hear her voice. If I can't, I would think of ways we can just communicate. For the past several months, every day I wake up and think of you."
"Maybe its because you have no one else to think about."
"Or maybe it's because I don't want to think about anyone else."
She wants to rediscover herself. I said I wanted to help. She said she wanted to do it on her own. I said I'll wait. She kept quiet. I asked why. We argued. I said I was sorry. I felt like crap for asking.
I'm sorry, Princess.
So yesterday was a good day. I liked our talk. So then after I had hung up after talking to her after class(3 AFTERS?!..I'm so dumb), I made the stupid decision to take the little, oval pill, just for fun. Just to see if what the doctor said was true. He said, "Within an hour, your eyelids will not be able to stay open."
YOU LIAR!!
It didn't even take an hour. Within 10 minutes I was asleep. And the next 12 hours felt like I was in Wonderland. I mean...I had all sorts of freaky dreams. I would wake up after a couple of hours, think about something and within minutes I would fall back to sleep and dream about what I was thinking. Everytime I started to get up, I'd fall asleep again. It was like in those movies where the guy gets injured and then drugged so he wakes up, sees a couple of things then falls asleep again and then wakes up a couple of hours later and repeats the process..It was freaky la..
Worse thing was, when I was walking to the clinic in the morning, it wasn't too warm yet and there was a slight breeze. Combine that with my groggy vision and light-headedness, no wonder I almost felt like prancing around the field.
Hai...Still feeling wasted. I am never going to take that pill again.
I need to go now. I'm starting to lose control of my fingers..
Oh..what's this? A small pill..I think I'll eat it.
Hmm...
Here we go again...
One last thing...
I really love, Nur.
=)
2 days...
No school...
Tomorrow...also no school...
3 days of no school...
How did I end up like this?
Because the doctor gave me a stree-relieving pill that weighs just 25 miligram.
Its effect?
I took it at 10pm last night. It's now 11am the next morning.
I'm still WASTED.
I walked to the clinic earlier to get an extension for my MC. I must have walked an extra 200 metres with my sideways motion and constant smiling. I think a couple of people were getting ready to call for an Institue of Mental Health ambulance to take me away.
Note to self: Next time doctor offers you sleeping or 'Stress-relieving' pills, decline furiously.
=P
My head hurts.
Anyway, yesterday, I tried to get my license plate fixed. I was lounging around on the bed planning my day out in my head when I got a call. 6...8...7...2...Hmm, MOE number. (I actually scrutinize every number that appears on my mobile since my Financial Adviser became loco and tried to get me to sign up for every Tom, Dick and Harry plan he could think of to siphon away my money)
I thought a mouse was calling me. Her voice was so soft I actually had to turn up the volume on my phone. Hmm, something's wrong.
"What's wrong?"
"Can you fetch me from work today?"
"Yea, I guess so."
"I'm taking half day."
"Oh..but I need to fix my car first."
"Will it take long? Can you fetch me first then we'll go?"
"Ok...What's wrong?"
"Amin called."
"..."
Hmm, Princess is in trouble again. So I went to fetch her after my doctor's appointment (See above). Along the way, I tried to retrace my journey from the previous day. As I was driving by the scene of the crime, I saw a glint on the road. I slowed down and, lo and behold, there it was! My License PLATE! So I parked my car at this multi storey carpark in Farrer Road, ran to the scene, dashed across 3 lanes of busy road and got it back. Analysing the plate, I was sure it was a big rock. It actually tore off a huge chunk from the plate. Hai...Thank God it didn't hit my car.
So anyway I picked her up from work and she was visibly upset. We went to Sin Ming to find a plate maker but I only found this one shop where the owner was asleep and all his workers had gone home. After placing an order, we drove off. She had wanted to blog so we went to Thomson Plaza's Starbucks to make use of the Wifi.
Funny thing: I asked if she was hungry since it was lunch time. She said she was still full from breakfast. So I bought her a sandwich and an Oreo Cheesecake in case she got peckish. Haha..she finished everything la! So much for not being hungry.. =)
We didn't talk much about what happened cos she didn't want to. I let it rest but soon she couldn't think of anything to blog about so we started surfing the net and playing around with Facebook.
Anyone who's spent time with Princess knows she's got a cute laugh. But as we were watching The Simpsons Movie (IN 2D!) on my laptop, I realised she actually laughs like Lisa. Haha.
We got tired of watching after the Penis Sequence involving Bart, a skateboard and a french fry.
So we went to Upper Seletar Reservoir to have a short talk. I knew how much Princess likes looking at monkeys and everytime she gets sad, we go look at the critters. Turns out all the friskiness of the monkeys from a few months back have produced lots of cute baby monkeys. Haha.
As we parked, the sky started to darken. I'd gotten a good spot overlooking the reservoir and we could see far off into the distance. This was where we had our talk. It was all ok and she started telling me about what happened. I said I was happy she took the first step to moving on.
Then, this happened:
"Why must we go through so much heartbreak?"
"They are all lessons for you. To help you in making better decisions in future. Yes, they hurt. But the hurt is supposed to help you remember the next time you want to make the decision: Is he the one for me?"
We talked for a long time..I think it was almost two hours.
"Everyday when I wake up, I try to think of ways I can meet her today. If I can't, I would think of ways that I can speak with her; hear her voice. If I can't, I would think of ways we can just communicate. For the past several months, every day I wake up and think of you."
"Maybe its because you have no one else to think about."
"Or maybe it's because I don't want to think about anyone else."
She wants to rediscover herself. I said I wanted to help. She said she wanted to do it on her own. I said I'll wait. She kept quiet. I asked why. We argued. I said I was sorry. I felt like crap for asking.
I'm sorry, Princess.
So yesterday was a good day. I liked our talk. So then after I had hung up after talking to her after class(3 AFTERS?!..I'm so dumb), I made the stupid decision to take the little, oval pill, just for fun. Just to see if what the doctor said was true. He said, "Within an hour, your eyelids will not be able to stay open."
YOU LIAR!!
It didn't even take an hour. Within 10 minutes I was asleep. And the next 12 hours felt like I was in Wonderland. I mean...I had all sorts of freaky dreams. I would wake up after a couple of hours, think about something and within minutes I would fall back to sleep and dream about what I was thinking. Everytime I started to get up, I'd fall asleep again. It was like in those movies where the guy gets injured and then drugged so he wakes up, sees a couple of things then falls asleep again and then wakes up a couple of hours later and repeats the process..It was freaky la..
Worse thing was, when I was walking to the clinic in the morning, it wasn't too warm yet and there was a slight breeze. Combine that with my groggy vision and light-headedness, no wonder I almost felt like prancing around the field.
Hai...Still feeling wasted. I am never going to take that pill again.
I need to go now. I'm starting to lose control of my fingers..
Oh..what's this? A small pill..I think I'll eat it.
Hmm...
Here we go again...
One last thing...
I really love, Nur.
=)
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Act 2, Scene 12: Dude, where's my license plate? o_O
Princess...stop laughing.I mean it...seriously...
STOP LAUGHING...
I would like to state for the record that I hate slightly bulbous, hard brown rocks that are too light to fly through the air when hit by a vehicle but heavy enough to smash through plastic. I would also like to state for the record that if I ever see another rock like that, it will be crushed into millions of tiny pieces as penance for what one of its kind did to my beloved car.
Ok, here's what happened.
Time: 6:17pm
Location: Farrer Road, in the direction of Queensway, under the overhead bridge at the Circle Line construction site.
Victim: Black 2006 Toyota Wish
Perpetrator: Hard, brown rock; slightly bulbous.
Known Accomplices: Unknown vehicle travelling in opposite direction.
Report on what happened:
Victim was travelling along said road at aforementioned time at the legal speed limit. As victim was approaching exact location, Perpetrator, aided in part by Accomplice, flew through the air heading directly for the victim. As victim deemed it too dangerous to attempt evasive manouveres, victim decided to take the brunt of the hit.
Accomplice fled scene soon after.
Perpetrator, in a swift, almost deliberate motion, smashed through the bottom left hand corner of victim's front license plate, thus smashing the lining and releasing the plate to the mercy of traffic.
Plate died on impact. Body not found.
Victim continued on journey to fetch Princess(Not involved in incident other than laughing her head off and trying to console victim).
Damage not assessed and realized until penultimate destination (Eatzi) achieved.
Outcome:
Temporary plate attached.
Rear Plate traumatised by incident and requires constant monitoring and counselling.
Front Plate's body cannot be retrieved due to unknown position of rest and condition. Also, traffic situation may not permit a retrieval mission.
Perpetrator still at large. All known relatives to be executed with extreme prejudice.
Accomplice is still unknown though fleeting witness (Patrick) can confirm it was a silver vehicle.
Any witnesses who wish to come forward with any information can do so through this blog. No rewards; you'll have to feel good for yourself.
The family of Front License Plate of Toyota Wish would like to thank:
Patrick, for his swift actions and attempts to save their kin's life.
Princess, for laughing and making Patrick feel bad but making a really good attempt to console him after.
Family requests that no donations and wreaths be made out to them. If donations persist, please send them to Patrick. Wreaths are to be burned cos they have no frickin' value. Thank you.
I hope you've enjoyed that.. o_O
Anyway, Nur and I went to Eatzi to have dinner earlier. Its close to her place so time wasn't so much of a problem.
It is WAAAAAAAAAAY better than previously-(un)mentioned "Undressed Sea Creatures Shoppe". Abit on the expensive side but considering we both had a main course plus a seafood platter in a pan, it was quite good.
Ambience was great, though Princess was shivering when we first entered. Its a nice cozy spot and entrance was bright and welcoming while interior evoked a sense of warmth and coziness.
Service was excellent with prompt service and equally fast serving time. A word of note though, please bring along cash or a credit/debit card as the outlet does not have any NETS transaction abilities.
Food-wise, I guess it was okay. Presentation left something to be desired plus it was a tad dry. I had the NZ Lamb Chops while Princess had her usual fish. I urged her to take the Salmon but she insisted on the normal grilled fish.
Firstly, Lamb Chops was three succulent pieces of meat of the usual size. In the menu, the selection of meats are presented with a scale for how the customer wishes for them to be prepared. I left it to my waiter to make the decision and he returned with a plate of medium rare chops. They were a tad dry and the meat has a certain mutton-y taste but otherwise I believe it is fresh and the fat was grilled to near perfection. Dish was served with some grilled carrots and brocolli(which I promptly put on Nur's plate) and a side of fries.
Princess' Grilled Fish was the typical Dory fillet. Portion seemed a tad small. But otherwise was served with same sides as the chops. Review from her blog please?
We shared a seafood platter in a pan. I think this is the best entree you could order. It costs $12 and offers up a variety of deep-fried seafood sides. You could order them individually but they cost $4 a side so this was value for money. In the pan you get a few pieces of deep-friend and breaded fish pieces, scallops, sotong balls, shrimps (which I gave to Nur cos I'm allergic), calamari rings, onion rings and fries. The portion, if eaten as a main dish, would be sufficient for one but as an accompaniment, was perfect.
Princess had her Cafe Mocha and I had a simple Snapple Apple. Price was about right for such drinks and there is a free flow of iced or warm water for those who prefer it. We didn't try the dessert but I did buy for Nur a slice of Chocolate Mousse and American Cheesecake. You'll have to wait for her review for that also.
Overall I guess it was a nice experience and a definite step up from our experience at the previous outing.
But you know what was best? =)
The company. I love spending time with Nur. She deserves to be treated like a princess.
Here's an Eric Clapton song, which I feel embodies what I always want to tell her:
It's late in the evening; she's wondering what clothes to wear.
She puts on her make-up and brushes her long blonde hair.
And then she asks me, "Do I look all right?"
And I say, "Yes, you look wonderful tonight."
We go to a party and everyone turns to see
This beautiful lady that's walking around with me.
And then she asks me, "Do you feel all right?"
And I say, "Yes, I feel wonderful tonight."
I feel wonderful because I see
The love light in your eyes.
And the wonder of it all
Is that you just don't realize how much I love you.
It's time to go home now and I've got an aching head,
So I give her the car keys and she helps me to bed.
And then I tell her, as I turn out the light,
I say, "My darling, you were wonderful tonight."
And here's the video:
=)
Stop laughing, Nur.
I still love, Nur.
STOP LAUGHING...
I would like to state for the record that I hate slightly bulbous, hard brown rocks that are too light to fly through the air when hit by a vehicle but heavy enough to smash through plastic. I would also like to state for the record that if I ever see another rock like that, it will be crushed into millions of tiny pieces as penance for what one of its kind did to my beloved car.
Ok, here's what happened.
Time: 6:17pm
Location: Farrer Road, in the direction of Queensway, under the overhead bridge at the Circle Line construction site.
Victim: Black 2006 Toyota Wish
Perpetrator: Hard, brown rock; slightly bulbous.
Known Accomplices: Unknown vehicle travelling in opposite direction.
Report on what happened:
Victim was travelling along said road at aforementioned time at the legal speed limit. As victim was approaching exact location, Perpetrator, aided in part by Accomplice, flew through the air heading directly for the victim. As victim deemed it too dangerous to attempt evasive manouveres, victim decided to take the brunt of the hit.
Accomplice fled scene soon after.
Perpetrator, in a swift, almost deliberate motion, smashed through the bottom left hand corner of victim's front license plate, thus smashing the lining and releasing the plate to the mercy of traffic.
Plate died on impact. Body not found.
Victim continued on journey to fetch Princess(Not involved in incident other than laughing her head off and trying to console victim).
Damage not assessed and realized until penultimate destination (Eatzi) achieved.
Outcome:
Temporary plate attached.
Rear Plate traumatised by incident and requires constant monitoring and counselling.
Front Plate's body cannot be retrieved due to unknown position of rest and condition. Also, traffic situation may not permit a retrieval mission.
Perpetrator still at large. All known relatives to be executed with extreme prejudice.
Accomplice is still unknown though fleeting witness (Patrick) can confirm it was a silver vehicle.
Any witnesses who wish to come forward with any information can do so through this blog. No rewards; you'll have to feel good for yourself.
The family of Front License Plate of Toyota Wish would like to thank:
Patrick, for his swift actions and attempts to save their kin's life.
Princess, for laughing and making Patrick feel bad but making a really good attempt to console him after.
Family requests that no donations and wreaths be made out to them. If donations persist, please send them to Patrick. Wreaths are to be burned cos they have no frickin' value. Thank you.
I hope you've enjoyed that.. o_O
Anyway, Nur and I went to Eatzi to have dinner earlier. Its close to her place so time wasn't so much of a problem.
It is WAAAAAAAAAAY better than previously-(un)mentioned "Undressed Sea Creatures Shoppe". Abit on the expensive side but considering we both had a main course plus a seafood platter in a pan, it was quite good.
Ambience was great, though Princess was shivering when we first entered. Its a nice cozy spot and entrance was bright and welcoming while interior evoked a sense of warmth and coziness.
Service was excellent with prompt service and equally fast serving time. A word of note though, please bring along cash or a credit/debit card as the outlet does not have any NETS transaction abilities.
Food-wise, I guess it was okay. Presentation left something to be desired plus it was a tad dry. I had the NZ Lamb Chops while Princess had her usual fish. I urged her to take the Salmon but she insisted on the normal grilled fish.
Firstly, Lamb Chops was three succulent pieces of meat of the usual size. In the menu, the selection of meats are presented with a scale for how the customer wishes for them to be prepared. I left it to my waiter to make the decision and he returned with a plate of medium rare chops. They were a tad dry and the meat has a certain mutton-y taste but otherwise I believe it is fresh and the fat was grilled to near perfection. Dish was served with some grilled carrots and brocolli(which I promptly put on Nur's plate) and a side of fries.
Princess' Grilled Fish was the typical Dory fillet. Portion seemed a tad small. But otherwise was served with same sides as the chops. Review from her blog please?
We shared a seafood platter in a pan. I think this is the best entree you could order. It costs $12 and offers up a variety of deep-fried seafood sides. You could order them individually but they cost $4 a side so this was value for money. In the pan you get a few pieces of deep-friend and breaded fish pieces, scallops, sotong balls, shrimps (which I gave to Nur cos I'm allergic), calamari rings, onion rings and fries. The portion, if eaten as a main dish, would be sufficient for one but as an accompaniment, was perfect.
Princess had her Cafe Mocha and I had a simple Snapple Apple. Price was about right for such drinks and there is a free flow of iced or warm water for those who prefer it. We didn't try the dessert but I did buy for Nur a slice of Chocolate Mousse and American Cheesecake. You'll have to wait for her review for that also.
Overall I guess it was a nice experience and a definite step up from our experience at the previous outing.
But you know what was best? =)
The company. I love spending time with Nur. She deserves to be treated like a princess.
Here's an Eric Clapton song, which I feel embodies what I always want to tell her:
It's late in the evening; she's wondering what clothes to wear.
She puts on her make-up and brushes her long blonde hair.
And then she asks me, "Do I look all right?"
And I say, "Yes, you look wonderful tonight."
We go to a party and everyone turns to see
This beautiful lady that's walking around with me.
And then she asks me, "Do you feel all right?"
And I say, "Yes, I feel wonderful tonight."
I feel wonderful because I see
The love light in your eyes.
And the wonder of it all
Is that you just don't realize how much I love you.
It's time to go home now and I've got an aching head,
So I give her the car keys and she helps me to bed.
And then I tell her, as I turn out the light,
I say, "My darling, you were wonderful tonight."
And here's the video:
=)
Stop laughing, Nur.
I still love, Nur.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Act 2, Scene 11: Weeds
Too tired to type...
Swimming pool was bloody dirty today. Argh..Looks like I have to swim on Tuesdays and Thursdays then.
Princess had her exam today. =) And I picked her up from the centre. First thing she did was to stick this Patrick toy on my windshield. Ha. So cute la she..
Oh..people..please think twice about eating at a place which means 'Undressed Sea Creatures Shop'. I beg you. Haha. Taste wise was okay but the portions abit small la. I mean for the price we're paying. Anyone been to Eatzi before? I wanna know what that's like. =)
Anyway, to compensate for regular readers who might feel shortchanged by my increasingly short entries, here are two songs I like by the same artiste - Weezer. Most of you know them as the ones singing Beverly Hill..you know the annoying gang-like tune sung by people who seem to not know that a world exists beyond their manicured lawns and blushing gnomes.
In a word: Enjoy =)
First one's a more recent song - Perfect Situation. Nice lyrics.
Second one's a bit older and the music video makes up for a lack of understandable lyrics. By the way, I love old comedies like Happy Days..=)
And lastly, this song's from Zed. I've never heard another song from them but if there's such a thing as a best one-hit wonder, this would be one of my nominees. It's heard at the end of the Rob Schneider comedy, The Hot Chick. He even makes a cameo in the video. Enjoy.
I love your voice, Nur.
Swimming pool was bloody dirty today. Argh..Looks like I have to swim on Tuesdays and Thursdays then.
Princess had her exam today. =) And I picked her up from the centre. First thing she did was to stick this Patrick toy on my windshield. Ha. So cute la she..
Oh..people..please think twice about eating at a place which means 'Undressed Sea Creatures Shop'. I beg you. Haha. Taste wise was okay but the portions abit small la. I mean for the price we're paying. Anyone been to Eatzi before? I wanna know what that's like. =)
Anyway, to compensate for regular readers who might feel shortchanged by my increasingly short entries, here are two songs I like by the same artiste - Weezer. Most of you know them as the ones singing Beverly Hill..you know the annoying gang-like tune sung by people who seem to not know that a world exists beyond their manicured lawns and blushing gnomes.
In a word: Enjoy =)
First one's a more recent song - Perfect Situation. Nice lyrics.
Second one's a bit older and the music video makes up for a lack of understandable lyrics. By the way, I love old comedies like Happy Days..=)
And lastly, this song's from Zed. I've never heard another song from them but if there's such a thing as a best one-hit wonder, this would be one of my nominees. It's heard at the end of the Rob Schneider comedy, The Hot Chick. He even makes a cameo in the video. Enjoy.
I love your voice, Nur.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Act 2, Scene 9: It's ok to be Emo, but not Elmo
Haha. First day back at school. Turns out I woke up late so I took the car to school. Massive jam everywhere man. But, still got there pretty early. =)
Wondering about the title? Haha. You would never guess it but one of my favourite band's My Chemical Romance. Why? I'll explain later.
Look at these lines:
Ray: You like D&D, Audrey Hepburn, Fangoria, Harry Houdini and croquet; You can't swim, you can't dance and you don't know karate. Face it, You're never gonna make it..
Gerard: I don't wanna make it...I just want...
Pure genius =)
Many kids here think they're emo cos they dress in black, walk around in boots and grow their hair long. They feel depressed cos their parents wont let them out during school holidays; they rock out to emo bands like MCR and Funeral for a Friend; they spend time at places like the Esplanade and surrounding areas in groups; and they slit their wrists when they find out their love interest's gay.
o_O
Stereotyping? Haha. That's what I do best. Princess said I like to brag cos I'm Patrick. But how many of those kids would have known how hard it was for my generation to grow up? We turned out well though but we went through the same problems. And we didn't resort to such measures to find a release.
You know what was my release? Not many people know this.
I used to go down to the park beside the Esplanade, either the one with the Lim Bo Seng Memorial or the other side which is now the NDP platform, and write for hours until I could not take it anymore and then I'd jump on the last 960 bus and head home. Haha. I had this whole folder of letters and stories I never showed anyone. But it was my release and my way of expressing myself.
So what was I like in school? Haha. I could tell Nur was kinda disturbed by what I told her I did in school today. But that was just who I was. Take a look at this video and you could imagine what I was like in school:
Haha. Notice how they all sat eating away from the other kids and even then, a distance from each other? I loved that scene. But I used to do stuff like discreetly take revenge against the people who were mean to me and stuff like that. I guess the main idea of the video is to show that sometimes, we're not all meant to act in a certain manner and we can be different. It's not so much a problem for kids here, I feel, but for kids in the US, it could be life-changing; to not belong and to be sidelined and judged by your interests.
I was a Hell-raiser for teachers. I once punched this classmate of mine outside the classroom while we were waiting to enter the class in Secondary 4 in front of my form teacher cos he said something rude. Hmm, if I remember correctly, he had a chipped tooth and his lip bled out. The teacher didn't report me though she did make me apologise. I didn't do homework; I was tactless and impolite; I was constantly disrupting lessons and I was in every single remedial class except for my English and Malay. Ha. Those were the days when I got away with a lot.
But I've mellowed. It was fun while it lasted but everyone's got to grow up yea? I never was popular with kids back then and I usually had one or two friends who I always hung out with and who, like me, were outcasts. In JC, things got a bit better. I made friends with my classmates and us guys were a close-knit bunch. But outside of my classmates, I rarely mingled. Even with the other Malay guys.
Then something happened last year. It was the Teacher's Prepatory Programme at Grange Road. I had to go with this fellow teacher from my school, Andi and he's basically a jock la; the kind I used to avoid in school. We had met a couple of days before and I profiled him as the typical jock as being totally in love with himself and stuff. So at the TPP, initially we barely spoke. But then a funny thing happened. We were seated at this table in the front cos we were somewhat late. Then another Malay guy walked in. It was my friend, Sadik whom I had met and spoken to just once when we were at MOE for our appointment briefing. I called out to him to join us and he did. So we were now three Malay guys at a table.
Then another jock walked in. He looked kinda dorky but he had the typical PE teacher look. He looked around, couldn't find a seat and finally sat down with us. Now we were a merry band of 4. Finally, two other Malay guys walked in and sat with us. Initially we were all apprehensive. But I'm sure you have seen this happen before. What happens when you put 6 Malay guys in the same group, sitting around the same table in a class? Haha..that's right, CHAOS.
We were laughing our butts off as we made jokes, commented on girls (aw...c'mon,it's natural) and answered rhetorical questions that left our lecturer dumbfounded. Haha. Pretty soon we all had nicknames (except for Andi and Sadik though). I was Shrek (cos I'm big,fat and ugly), Firdaus, the jock, was Polygamy (cos he wanted to say origami but uttered polygamy instead and left us dumbfounded for a while. the conversation was like this: Firdaus: I want the kids to do polygamy...Us: What?...Firdaus: Polygamy la..you know, where you fold paper...Us: ....LAUGHTER) and the two other guys were Snore (cos at about 11 am, while the lecturer was in the midst of explaining something, the guy actually SNORED) and Murtabak (He was quiet the whole day til after lunch. We were all ordering food and we had the usual Mee Goreng and Prata and when it came his turn to order he said: MURTABAK..we all stared at him. Haha. Then we made the joke that he was quiet cos he was hungry).
We had our usual butt of our jokes namely Siao On and Air Force. Haha.
Siao On: All his questions were based on his experiences and he just kept asking question after question til a 5 minute discussion could last 15 minutes due to his need to argue with the lecturer.
Air Force: Apparently, the guy just resigned from the service kinda like a mid-career change. He can't seem to control his Primary 3 class and all his questions throughout the whole 2 day course was about how to punish and discipline kids. The fact that his clothes were all neatly pressed and his hair combed back slickly didn't help the situation. He got the short end of the stick. =)
What's the significance of all these? Well, for the first time in my education-life, I belonged. Ha. And I was glad.
Fast-forward to NIE and the first few weeks, all the friends I had were in the PE course. I ate with them, attended lectures with them and basically just hung out. Ha. Never would I have thought I'd have jocks as friends. But now I do and they're a fun bunch.
So for all those emo kids out there, listen up: it's a phase. You'll learn to outgrow your problems and think more maturely and don't despair just cos your allowance got cut or you're grounded, tomorrow's bound to be different and even if its hard, you'll make it. =)
Now just close your eyes, pop those drowsy pills, turn up your stereo to full blast (use headphones so your parents won't hear you) and rock out with MCR.
One last thing...
I love, Nur. =)
Wondering about the title? Haha. You would never guess it but one of my favourite band's My Chemical Romance. Why? I'll explain later.
Look at these lines:
Ray: You like D&D, Audrey Hepburn, Fangoria, Harry Houdini and croquet; You can't swim, you can't dance and you don't know karate. Face it, You're never gonna make it..
Gerard: I don't wanna make it...I just want...
Pure genius =)
Many kids here think they're emo cos they dress in black, walk around in boots and grow their hair long. They feel depressed cos their parents wont let them out during school holidays; they rock out to emo bands like MCR and Funeral for a Friend; they spend time at places like the Esplanade and surrounding areas in groups; and they slit their wrists when they find out their love interest's gay.
o_O
Stereotyping? Haha. That's what I do best. Princess said I like to brag cos I'm Patrick. But how many of those kids would have known how hard it was for my generation to grow up? We turned out well though but we went through the same problems. And we didn't resort to such measures to find a release.
You know what was my release? Not many people know this.
I used to go down to the park beside the Esplanade, either the one with the Lim Bo Seng Memorial or the other side which is now the NDP platform, and write for hours until I could not take it anymore and then I'd jump on the last 960 bus and head home. Haha. I had this whole folder of letters and stories I never showed anyone. But it was my release and my way of expressing myself.
So what was I like in school? Haha. I could tell Nur was kinda disturbed by what I told her I did in school today. But that was just who I was. Take a look at this video and you could imagine what I was like in school:
Haha. Notice how they all sat eating away from the other kids and even then, a distance from each other? I loved that scene. But I used to do stuff like discreetly take revenge against the people who were mean to me and stuff like that. I guess the main idea of the video is to show that sometimes, we're not all meant to act in a certain manner and we can be different. It's not so much a problem for kids here, I feel, but for kids in the US, it could be life-changing; to not belong and to be sidelined and judged by your interests.
I was a Hell-raiser for teachers. I once punched this classmate of mine outside the classroom while we were waiting to enter the class in Secondary 4 in front of my form teacher cos he said something rude. Hmm, if I remember correctly, he had a chipped tooth and his lip bled out. The teacher didn't report me though she did make me apologise. I didn't do homework; I was tactless and impolite; I was constantly disrupting lessons and I was in every single remedial class except for my English and Malay. Ha. Those were the days when I got away with a lot.
But I've mellowed. It was fun while it lasted but everyone's got to grow up yea? I never was popular with kids back then and I usually had one or two friends who I always hung out with and who, like me, were outcasts. In JC, things got a bit better. I made friends with my classmates and us guys were a close-knit bunch. But outside of my classmates, I rarely mingled. Even with the other Malay guys.
Then something happened last year. It was the Teacher's Prepatory Programme at Grange Road. I had to go with this fellow teacher from my school, Andi and he's basically a jock la; the kind I used to avoid in school. We had met a couple of days before and I profiled him as the typical jock as being totally in love with himself and stuff. So at the TPP, initially we barely spoke. But then a funny thing happened. We were seated at this table in the front cos we were somewhat late. Then another Malay guy walked in. It was my friend, Sadik whom I had met and spoken to just once when we were at MOE for our appointment briefing. I called out to him to join us and he did. So we were now three Malay guys at a table.
Then another jock walked in. He looked kinda dorky but he had the typical PE teacher look. He looked around, couldn't find a seat and finally sat down with us. Now we were a merry band of 4. Finally, two other Malay guys walked in and sat with us. Initially we were all apprehensive. But I'm sure you have seen this happen before. What happens when you put 6 Malay guys in the same group, sitting around the same table in a class? Haha..that's right, CHAOS.
We were laughing our butts off as we made jokes, commented on girls (aw...c'mon,it's natural) and answered rhetorical questions that left our lecturer dumbfounded. Haha. Pretty soon we all had nicknames (except for Andi and Sadik though). I was Shrek (cos I'm big,fat and ugly), Firdaus, the jock, was Polygamy (cos he wanted to say origami but uttered polygamy instead and left us dumbfounded for a while. the conversation was like this: Firdaus: I want the kids to do polygamy...Us: What?...Firdaus: Polygamy la..you know, where you fold paper...Us: ....LAUGHTER) and the two other guys were Snore (cos at about 11 am, while the lecturer was in the midst of explaining something, the guy actually SNORED) and Murtabak (He was quiet the whole day til after lunch. We were all ordering food and we had the usual Mee Goreng and Prata and when it came his turn to order he said: MURTABAK..we all stared at him. Haha. Then we made the joke that he was quiet cos he was hungry).
We had our usual butt of our jokes namely Siao On and Air Force. Haha.
Siao On: All his questions were based on his experiences and he just kept asking question after question til a 5 minute discussion could last 15 minutes due to his need to argue with the lecturer.
Air Force: Apparently, the guy just resigned from the service kinda like a mid-career change. He can't seem to control his Primary 3 class and all his questions throughout the whole 2 day course was about how to punish and discipline kids. The fact that his clothes were all neatly pressed and his hair combed back slickly didn't help the situation. He got the short end of the stick. =)
What's the significance of all these? Well, for the first time in my education-life, I belonged. Ha. And I was glad.
Fast-forward to NIE and the first few weeks, all the friends I had were in the PE course. I ate with them, attended lectures with them and basically just hung out. Ha. Never would I have thought I'd have jocks as friends. But now I do and they're a fun bunch.
So for all those emo kids out there, listen up: it's a phase. You'll learn to outgrow your problems and think more maturely and don't despair just cos your allowance got cut or you're grounded, tomorrow's bound to be different and even if its hard, you'll make it. =)
Now just close your eyes, pop those drowsy pills, turn up your stereo to full blast (use headphones so your parents won't hear you) and rock out with MCR.
One last thing...
I love, Nur. =)
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Interlude
I sometimes write stories when I am sad. When I feel that I cannot say much more than what I have already said. And when I feel that the best release from me is not so much the words that I will inevitably stutter, but what is written as my hand shakes from the pain I feel inside.
Tonight's episode is not brought on by a sad event. Rather, if you know me all too well, I am much more emotional than your average guy. I love watching romantic comedies and tonight's fare was no different. So here's a short prose I concocted:
-------------------------------The Whisper------------------------------------
I looked out across the lake as a cold wind rushed past. Families were rushing in the background, packing up their picnic wares and hustling back to their cars. I could not care less. Not since he left.
He was different. Looking at him, you would never have guessed that I would associate myself with such a person. But there was a certain sense of ease when I was with him. Maybe it was because he was not as attractive as the rest. And I had told myself that we could not be more than friends. I used to remember his ready smile and glee he felt whenever we were together; even if he had a tough day before. And the way he used to wait for me for hours without a single complain. He had once told me that it didn't matter if he saw me for 5 minutes without a word spoken, he would have been happy to be granted that.
He was simple. Never pretentious. Never demanding. A little persistent, but ultimately loyal. He was...simple.
When he told me the news, I felt happy for him. But deep down in my heart, I could never have thought I would be here today, feeling the way I did. He had finally found some happiness, after so many years of making others feel a way he could never have felt for himself. Sometimes I would catch him gazing into the far distance as we sat together and when I asked him what was on his mind, he would offer a difficult smile and say nothing.
People often underestimate the value of a cliche. The first thing they usually say is, "Oh that's been said all too often. You would never catch me saying that." At least, that was how I would have responded. But sitting here today, on this cold damp stone bench, I felt empty inside. And the thought, 'You never really know how much something means to you until its gone.' kept running through my mind. I didn't even feel the first few drops of rain.
Towards the end, you would never have thought he was afraid. But then again, the only thing he felt to fear was for other people to find out. He masked the truth with a lie, in the view of making others feel happy for him. But then, he never would have thought everyone would find out. I almost did not, if my brother had not told me.
You see, he loved me. With all his heart, he did. But it was difficult for him to say it because of the ways I had rejected him before. And one day he decided that he would have to suffer in order for one of us to be happy. So he said he loved me as a friend. Yet deep in his heart, he still yearned for a miracle. And to think that that miracle hinged on just one letter to be uttered from my mouth. I never did come around to say it. And now, no matter how near I am to him, he shall never hear me.
The soft strings of a song started playing from the jukebox in the cafe behind me.
"I can see the pain living in your eyes
And I know how hard you try..."
I start crying.
The tears feel warm against my skin, cool from the breeze.
"And I'll never criticize
All you've ever meant to my life..
I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
I don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong"
His smiling face fills my mind. Even when I close my eyes, the image persists. I manage a smile, thinking of his persistence.
"You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say, but goodbye"
I glance at the leaves rustling around my feet. I cry freely now, letting the tears dampen my shawl. I never even had the chance to say goodbye.
The song went into its last lines. I turn to leave..to seek shelter.
"There's nothing left to try
Though it's gonna hurt us both
There's no other way than to say goodbye"
But I know now that no one is going to ask me if I need a hug; I now know what he had to offer..
I will never find shelter..not from this loneliness.
The End
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
=) Hmm, not one of my best but it was all written in 15 minutes. Would do another soon so stay tuned yea?
One last thing.
I love, Nur. =)
Tonight's episode is not brought on by a sad event. Rather, if you know me all too well, I am much more emotional than your average guy. I love watching romantic comedies and tonight's fare was no different. So here's a short prose I concocted:
-------------------------------The Whisper------------------------------------
I looked out across the lake as a cold wind rushed past. Families were rushing in the background, packing up their picnic wares and hustling back to their cars. I could not care less. Not since he left.
He was different. Looking at him, you would never have guessed that I would associate myself with such a person. But there was a certain sense of ease when I was with him. Maybe it was because he was not as attractive as the rest. And I had told myself that we could not be more than friends. I used to remember his ready smile and glee he felt whenever we were together; even if he had a tough day before. And the way he used to wait for me for hours without a single complain. He had once told me that it didn't matter if he saw me for 5 minutes without a word spoken, he would have been happy to be granted that.
He was simple. Never pretentious. Never demanding. A little persistent, but ultimately loyal. He was...simple.
When he told me the news, I felt happy for him. But deep down in my heart, I could never have thought I would be here today, feeling the way I did. He had finally found some happiness, after so many years of making others feel a way he could never have felt for himself. Sometimes I would catch him gazing into the far distance as we sat together and when I asked him what was on his mind, he would offer a difficult smile and say nothing.
People often underestimate the value of a cliche. The first thing they usually say is, "Oh that's been said all too often. You would never catch me saying that." At least, that was how I would have responded. But sitting here today, on this cold damp stone bench, I felt empty inside. And the thought, 'You never really know how much something means to you until its gone.' kept running through my mind. I didn't even feel the first few drops of rain.
Towards the end, you would never have thought he was afraid. But then again, the only thing he felt to fear was for other people to find out. He masked the truth with a lie, in the view of making others feel happy for him. But then, he never would have thought everyone would find out. I almost did not, if my brother had not told me.
You see, he loved me. With all his heart, he did. But it was difficult for him to say it because of the ways I had rejected him before. And one day he decided that he would have to suffer in order for one of us to be happy. So he said he loved me as a friend. Yet deep in his heart, he still yearned for a miracle. And to think that that miracle hinged on just one letter to be uttered from my mouth. I never did come around to say it. And now, no matter how near I am to him, he shall never hear me.
The soft strings of a song started playing from the jukebox in the cafe behind me.
"I can see the pain living in your eyes
And I know how hard you try..."
I start crying.
The tears feel warm against my skin, cool from the breeze.
"And I'll never criticize
All you've ever meant to my life..
I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
I don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong"
His smiling face fills my mind. Even when I close my eyes, the image persists. I manage a smile, thinking of his persistence.
"You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say, but goodbye"
I glance at the leaves rustling around my feet. I cry freely now, letting the tears dampen my shawl. I never even had the chance to say goodbye.
The song went into its last lines. I turn to leave..to seek shelter.
"There's nothing left to try
Though it's gonna hurt us both
There's no other way than to say goodbye"
But I know now that no one is going to ask me if I need a hug; I now know what he had to offer..
I will never find shelter..not from this loneliness.
The End
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
=) Hmm, not one of my best but it was all written in 15 minutes. Would do another soon so stay tuned yea?
One last thing.
I love, Nur. =)
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Act 2, Scene 8: Good Morning!
I love our phone conversations.
I'm sorry if sometimes we talk about bad memories.
But here's a song I got from watching an animated movie on a friendship between a lion and a zebra...
The colours of the rainbow, so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people going by
I see friends shakin' hands, sayin' "How do you do?"
They're really saying "I love you"
=)
I love, Nur.
I'm sorry if sometimes we talk about bad memories.
But here's a song I got from watching an animated movie on a friendship between a lion and a zebra...
The colours of the rainbow, so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people going by
I see friends shakin' hands, sayin' "How do you do?"
They're really saying "I love you"
=)
I love, Nur.
Friday, January 4, 2008
Act 2, Scene 7: God Damn it's Thursday! (GDiT)
I've no school on Thursdays...
o_O
WHO THE HELL PLANNED MY TIMETABLE FOR ME?
Argh... Fridays are gonna kill me. I got a class at eight-bloody-thirty in the morning and after I've got a FIVE hour break.
FIVE??!!
You could watch 2 movies and it would still NOT BE OVER!
I could GO HOME AND SLEEP AND COME BACK.....eh wait, that's a good thing. BUT THE TRAVEL ISN'T!
I would now like to state for the record that I believe that the Ministry has made a secret pact with the transport companies where they get a shared percentage of profits from our daily commute. Think about it...let's say there are a total of 20,000 school going kids in Singapore commuting daily on public transports. They're gonna spend....say...$2 on average. So let's say the Ministry takes away ONE cent from each kid's transactions. That works out to $200 a day. Factor in a school year of 40 weeks, 5 days a week. So that's 200 days...and the grand total is... $40,000 a year....
Man...I suck...
Or maybe I'm just tired...I do have the sniffles...Yes. That must be it. I'm sick therefore I can't think straight. Of course, Nur's just gonna say its because I have a HUGE, POINTY, CONICAL, PINKY HEAD, that's why I can't think.
Man...now I'm rambling..
I gotta stop eating those funky pink pills.
Oh well, I'm gonna have to stop now. I'll blog tomorrow.
I am wasted, Nur.
o_O
WHO THE HELL PLANNED MY TIMETABLE FOR ME?
Argh... Fridays are gonna kill me. I got a class at eight-bloody-thirty in the morning and after I've got a FIVE hour break.
FIVE??!!
You could watch 2 movies and it would still NOT BE OVER!
I could GO HOME AND SLEEP AND COME BACK.....eh wait, that's a good thing. BUT THE TRAVEL ISN'T!
I would now like to state for the record that I believe that the Ministry has made a secret pact with the transport companies where they get a shared percentage of profits from our daily commute. Think about it...let's say there are a total of 20,000 school going kids in Singapore commuting daily on public transports. They're gonna spend....say...$2 on average. So let's say the Ministry takes away ONE cent from each kid's transactions. That works out to $200 a day. Factor in a school year of 40 weeks, 5 days a week. So that's 200 days...and the grand total is... $40,000 a year....
Man...I suck...
Or maybe I'm just tired...I do have the sniffles...Yes. That must be it. I'm sick therefore I can't think straight. Of course, Nur's just gonna say its because I have a HUGE, POINTY, CONICAL, PINKY HEAD, that's why I can't think.
Man...now I'm rambling..
I gotta stop eating those funky pink pills.
Oh well, I'm gonna have to stop now. I'll blog tomorrow.
I am wasted, Nur.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Act 2, Scene 6: PATRICK?!!
She said I reminded her of Patrick Starfish from Spongebob....
o_O
I'm not PINK! (Although she likes pink..so that means she likes ME! YAY!!)
I'm fat..but NOT pointy-headed.
She said I'm corny..I don't remember him being corny =P
(I think she's just not used to people being nice to her since everyone just wants THAT from her.)
To prove my point I shall post my very first picture of myself on my blog and you tell me if I look like Patrick k?
o_O
I'm not PINK! (Although she likes pink..so that means she likes ME! YAY!!)
I'm fat..but NOT pointy-headed.
She said I'm corny..I don't remember him being corny =P
(I think she's just not used to people being nice to her since everyone just wants THAT from her.)
To prove my point I shall post my very first picture of myself on my blog and you tell me if I look like Patrick k?
DO I LOOK LIKE PATRICK TO YOU??!!!
ARGH!
=)
Now I'll never get a date again...
Why can't she say I look like that? (Anyway Princess, I'll get you yours later k?)
See so cute with a big heart on the belly. Just like me..Big belly on my heart....
I'm like that ya...I'm big, blue and naked.
Yup..
Ok la...I'm going to sleep.
Too much crapping..
Tomorrow I'll show you another funny picture..haha.Princess has already seen it.=)
I'm sleeping, Nur.
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