Interlude

I sometimes write stories when I am sad. When I feel that I cannot say much more than what I have already said. And when I feel that the best release from me is not so much the words that I will inevitably stutter, but what is written as my hand shakes from the pain I feel inside.

Tonight's episode is not brought on by a sad event. Rather, if you know me all too well, I am much more emotional than your average guy. I love watching romantic comedies and tonight's fare was no different. So here's a short prose I concocted:

-------------------------------The Whisper------------------------------------

I looked out across the lake as a cold wind rushed past. Families were rushing in the background, packing up their picnic wares and hustling back to their cars. I could not care less. Not since he left.

He was different. Looking at him, you would never have guessed that I would associate myself with such a person. But there was a certain sense of ease when I was with him. Maybe it was because he was not as attractive as the rest. And I had told myself that we could not be more than friends. I used to remember his ready smile and glee he felt whenever we were together; even if he had a tough day before. And the way he used to wait for me for hours without a single complain. He had once told me that it didn't matter if he saw me for 5 minutes without a word spoken, he would have been happy to be granted that.

He was simple. Never pretentious. Never demanding. A little persistent, but ultimately loyal. He was...simple.

When he told me the news, I felt happy for him. But deep down in my heart, I could never have thought I would be here today, feeling the way I did. He had finally found some happiness, after so many years of making others feel a way he could never have felt for himself. Sometimes I would catch him gazing into the far distance as we sat together and when I asked him what was on his mind, he would offer a difficult smile and say nothing.

People often underestimate the value of a cliche. The first thing they usually say is, "Oh that's been said all too often. You would never catch me saying that." At least, that was how I would have responded. But sitting here today, on this cold damp stone bench, I felt empty inside. And the thought, 'You never really know how much something means to you until its gone.' kept running through my mind. I didn't even feel the first few drops of rain.

Towards the end, you would never have thought he was afraid. But then again, the only thing he felt to fear was for other people to find out. He masked the truth with a lie, in the view of making others feel happy for him. But then, he never would have thought everyone would find out. I almost did not, if my brother had not told me.

You see, he loved me. With all his heart, he did. But it was difficult for him to say it because of the ways I had rejected him before. And one day he decided that he would have to suffer in order for one of us to be happy. So he said he loved me as a friend. Yet deep in his heart, he still yearned for a miracle. And to think that that miracle hinged on just one letter to be uttered from my mouth. I never did come around to say it. And now, no matter how near I am to him, he shall never hear me.

The soft strings of a song started playing from the jukebox in the cafe behind me.

"I can see the pain living in your eyes
And I know how hard you try..."

I start crying.

The tears feel warm against my skin, cool from the breeze.

"And I'll never criticize
All you've ever meant to my life..

I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
I don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong"

His smiling face fills my mind. Even when I close my eyes, the image persists. I manage a smile, thinking of his persistence.

"You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say, but goodbye"

I glance at the leaves rustling around my feet. I cry freely now, letting the tears dampen my shawl. I never even had the chance to say goodbye.

The song went into its last lines. I turn to leave..to seek shelter.

"There's nothing left to try
Though it's gonna hurt us both
There's no other way than to say goodbye"

But I know now that no one is going to ask me if I need a hug; I now know what he had to offer..

I will never find shelter..not from this loneliness.

The End

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=) Hmm, not one of my best but it was all written in 15 minutes. Would do another soon so stay tuned yea?

One last thing.

I love, Nur. =)