Act2, Scene 3: Love Actually

I cant believe I missed it!...Man...

Today's Saturday..I met Nur on Thursday.

I had planned to pick her up from work. But since I couldnt get the car at the very last minute, we decided to take a cab. Hmm, before I got there, she called me and said that she wanted to make a short stopover in Jurong first.

I said: 'Amin, huh?'

Nur: 'Yea..but I'm not going to meet him. Just have to do something.'

Me: 'Ok then.'

Ok. For those of you who're asking how I could stand for this..well, I have fetched her from work before just so she can meet Amin. =P Yes..I'm a pushover.

Anyway, here's a transcript of what went on in the cab.

Nur: (showing me a printed picture) What would you think if you saw this?

Me: Wow..you guys have colour printers?

Nur: About the picture lah...

Me: Hmm, four words spring to my mind.

Nur: What four words?

Me: 'I-told-you-so'.

Nur: But just imagine if you were a girl and you saw your boyfriend taking a photo with 5 other girls.

Me: Yea..I know. So when did this happen?

Nur: Recently, just before he left for reservist. He told me that he was going to a party at his friend's place then meeting his work friends after.

Me: Ok...

Nur: He said he was going at 10.

Me: Ten?...at a condo?...a party?.....

(Silence)

Me: My dear, no one can hope to have a party at a condo after 10 pm without the condo management having something to say about it. Obviously it's not at the condo (judging from the photo). Look here (pointing to reflection of light on one of the girl's hands)..I didnt know they had pink lighting at a condo. Plus the people in the back dont look like they're part of a party.

Nur: ....

OK PAUSE!

Haha...in case anyone's wondering why I'm so observant. Well, I've never gotten less than an A in Oral and that comes from my acute observation skills. I have this habit of studying a photo or picture very carefully but not necessarily what the picture is supposed to convey. I study the background, the lighting and the actions to form a conclusion as to the location, timing and behaviour of the subjects in the photos. I dont know why but I just do. And then I form assumptions from my conclusions and explain them. That's how I get an A for my Oral examinations all the time. =)

PUSH: PLAY!

Me: What's this you've written here..Hmm, Aidah..isn't she the girl he liked?

Nur: Yea..and he didnt tell me she was going to be there.

FAST FORWARD THROUGH SILENCE

Me: Can I ask you something?

Nur: Hmm...

Taxi Driver: Eh! Exit Jurong Town Hall Road ah?

Me: (in an annoyed tone) No..go through Corporation Road.

Taxi Driver: Ok..

Me: (back to Nur) What are you expecting by giving him this photo?

Nur: Nothing...

Me: You are expecting something. If not, there is no justification for you to give him this.

Nur: I'm not expecting anything.

Me: One of two things is going to happen when you give him the photo: 1) He's going to get angry and ask for a break up. 2) He's going to say sorry and want you to forgive him.

Nur: ....I'm not expecting anything....

We get out of the cab and walk towards the lift. She's walked ahead, leaving me behind.

Me: Hey..wait up.

Nur: What?

Me: Let me just say one last thing: Be very sure of what you are about to do because if you go up there and things happen and you're gonna come down with more questions than when you went up, dont do it.

Nur: I know what I wanna do.

Me: Ok. I'll wait at the playground.

Nur: There are seats behind the lift.

So she left and I took out my cigarettes and light up (I only smoke when I'm stressed. And she didnt know it but I was...its a long story but I do have other problems). She came down after I'd taken only a few puffs. Hmm, then she scolded me for it and I threw it away.

Nur: Can we go to Northpoint?

Me: Dont you have class?

Nur: I dont feel like going. I've no mood.

Me: (nagging as usual) But you've missed so many classes. Up to you. I dont wanna force you.

Nur: Ok.

I got her some oreos earlier cos she said she was going to class. And I got her both the normal cream-filled ones as well as the chocolate cream ones cos she loves chocolates. =) I gave it to her in the cab on our way to Yishun. I guess it was to cheer her up...

She was sobbing in the cab again..And I didnt know what to do. I asked if she wanted to talk to me about it but she shook her head. So I didnt press.

Halfway, she changed her mind and said she wanted to go to class. I said it was her choice.

I told her I'd be waiting for her when she finished class. It was 645 pm at the time. She finishes at 10...

I spent the time reading and looking around.

When she finished, she made a phone call (or someone called her). I didnt know it at the time but I didnt want to eavesdrop on her conversation so I kept my distance. She didnt realise that I was not following her and she kept walking until I forced the situation by not crossing the road. After she hung up, I found out it was Amin's mum. Apparently, she wanted to apologise to Nur for her son.

Wait a minute...Oh yea..this happened before. Oh well...

Nur showed me a few messages Amin sent her explaining himself and stuff. I just read them and kept quiet.

At the bus stop..

Me: So..what's the conclusion?

Nur: This chapter is closed.

Me: There'll be other chapters.

Nur: Hmm...

On the bus, she started sobbing again.

PAUSE

Ok...I dont know if I should say this. I love Nur. And it breaks my heart everytime she cries. But I've always believed that I'm not one to take advantage of girls. When she cried in the cab, I wanted to take her hand and tell her it'll be alright. When she sobbed in the bus, I wanted to put my arm around her and comfort her. But because of my ideals..I cant. And it makes it so difficult to let her know I'm there for her other than my silence..

PLAY

I messaged her: 'Do you need a hug?'

She read it and said nothing...



My heart broke.



We walked home in silence. Under her block, I told her about my super-embarassing day. Finally, she laughed. I smiled.


I smiled... =)


The End.


Author's notes:
Throughout my time with Nur, I have experienced the best of joys and the worst of pains. The joy of her company, her smile and her laughter. And the pain of seeing her cry and worst of all; of knowing that she will never allow me to be more than friends.

I dont believe that any other guy(other than her boyfriends) has seen her cry and tried to comfort her more than I have. And everytime I do, I do it as a friend.

I desire something more. I desire her companionship.

But I now realise that maybe, if I didnt hurt so bad, she wouldnt too.

From Nur's blog, dated December 13, 2007:

"Gaining weight = Happy

And Azlan has also been feeding me with Mc’Donald’s drive-through meals."

When we first started out, I was seeing someone else. And she was with her boyfriend. But we both agreed that we were in it for the interests of friendship.

Things didnt work out for me and I became close to her. Initially, I did not think much of our friendship. I thought it was nice to have made a new friend.

Then she broke up with Amin and I was there for her. I brought her out to our first dinner together at Mad Jack's in Bukit Timah and told her:

'Judging from what you've told me about Amin and the pattern he is using, I give it a month before he comes crawling back to you.'

It happened. Almost a month to the day I said it.

By that time, Amin was trying to win her back. And I realised that I had developed feelings for her. It got so bad that she ignored me..

Then one day, after rugby training, she messaged me:

'Would you be disappointed if I were to get back with Amin?'

I said I would. I said she shouldnt.

She said it was her decision to make.

I said why was she asking me then.

She said because I was a friend and she valued my advice.

I said why value my advice if she wasn't going to use it?

We argued.

And she said:

'I don't need you. I have other guy friends I can turn to.'

My world crumbled....

Ramadhan came and I prayed for guidance.

I was content. She was not...

I prayed that my feelings would dissipate..I suppressed them...It was painful.

She always believed that she couldnt give a chance to a friend. I always believed that friends can move on and not risk the friendship. I believe that in her heart, she believes we can make it.

But I'm running out of ideas.

I said some stuff in a message I sent her the night we got back from class. But most importanyly I said:

" You'll always be my princess. And I'll always be your friend."

I meant that.

But what can I do?

I wish her heart would open up to my sincerity.

Will someone help me make her see?

I still love, Nur.