Act 5, Scene 8: Embedded

I gotta blog quickly cos I still haven't studied for my test tomorrow. But that doesn't mean it's going to be a short one. =)

I forgot how much I loved taking the bus. I don't anymore cos I've got to be in school alot nowadays and there're always stuff cropping up. But as I was sitting in the bus for the second time in two days, coming back from sending Nur home, I remembered how much I used to like riding on buses. You see, buses are different from other modes of transport. On a train, you'll most likely be viewing things from up-top and the scenery rarely changes. You pretty much know what time you're gonna reach your destination.

On a bus, there is a sense of unpredictability. Firstly, because of traffic conditions, you wouldn't know exactly what time you'll be reaching your destination. And then, the scenery is dynamic. It changes according to the time of day and your location. You are not constrained by the track and the bus can go fast or slow.

I remembered after JC, when all my friends had gone into NS and I was waiting for my turn, I used to take buses all across the island. I would get up one day, take a bus to anywhere and just randomly choose another bus to get me to places I had no clue of. If I saw an interesting place, I'd just press the button and get off and walk around before hopping onto another bus to continue my journey. I'd often do this alone as not only were my friends gone, it also gave me valuable time to think about what lay ahead for me.

I remember I would always take 960, just a stone's throw away from my house, all the way down to Marina Square. There, I would hike over to a few places in town such as Orchard (Kinokuniya) or the Padang. I never had a plan for what I was going to do and I never did care if I ever had one. All I needed was my bottle of water, my pens and a note pad, all comfortably stuck in the brown sling bag some of you might have seen me carrying.

I would visit places such as East Coast and the Airport and walk around, trying to get a sense of the place. I would observe people and structures and colours and sounds and get so much inspiration for my writing.

When would I know when to head back? Definitely not when I got tired. Because I would sleep in the bus and even that would have been an adventure. =) I remember I once slept on a bus for so long, that by the time I woke up, the bus driver was starting his second shift of the route. Haha. And there were many times when I was awaken by bus drivers who were sweeping the buses after the last routes of the day.

But the best thing I learnt from these trips were lessons about myself. And today was no different.

Have you ever stopped yourself and asked, 'What does a friendship mean to me?'.

To me, I'm friends with people I can be comfortable with and with whom I am comfortable sharing my jokes and stories with; who I know when they laugh, do not laugh at me but with me; who I know when I am sad, will not think to utter a single negative word; and who I know, I will try my very best to return the favour.

Recently, I re-evaluated the friends I had about me. Yes, I have one I care more about than the rest; but she needs it. What about the rest?

Before boarding the bus today, I bumped into a friend of mine I haven't met for a while. She was doing her contract teaching at the school I was doing relief teaching at. I saw her from across the street actually and I bounded across to say hello. I remembered she used to be very stressed out with what we had to do and I would always bounce over to her desk at the other end of the staff room with a bunch of sweets and a smile to cheer her up. We talked for a few moments and parted ways.

As I was walking away, I thought about all the times we used to have together. And I thought about where our lives have taken us. And I remembered Nur saying this, 'When I get married to Amin, what makes you think we'll still be able to do this?'. That got me thinking. I've had good friends back from my days at various places. But everytime life pushes us forward to take the next step, we either part ways, or one of us gets left behind. If we could, we would all want to keep all our friends around us. But we don't. Or at least..I don't.

Maybe it's something I've said or done. Maybe because of all the time we spend together before, when it stopped, we couldn't find it in us to start again.

I hope I get to keep the friends I have now, close to me. And I hope that no matter what I've said or done, or am going to say or do in future, that they will forgive me in advance.

For Nur, I'm just looking out for you. I always have and always will. But if you don't want me to anymore, I won't. I have to trust you to make your own decisions some time, right? =)

Oh well, enough nostalgia. I've got to go study for my test now. Wish me luck. =) Or at least pray for me..Haha.

Thanks, Nur.