I've been feeling very fatigued lately. I don't know if it's the stress of stuff but the past week has been pretty easy going. But I really don't know. Between trying to keep my head above the water and getting my assignments done, I feel like giving up already.
I always thought my English was better than my Math. After all, my grades in school seemed to prove that point beautifully. But now that I am in NIE, it seems that the converse is true. Maybe it's like what my mentor once told me, 'If you had to do an English test, you would score perfectly. But you can't explain why or how you did it. You just do it.' Because, I am really lost in where I am supposed to be in English. And I am really so unmotivated to find myself that I am really harbouring thoughts of giving up.
Anyway, for the second Math test on Geometry, I got 42/50. That's 84%; a slight improvement on the 83.3% I got on the last test. I'd say that's pretty good considering I studied for all of 3 minutes running from the library to the classroomm where I was supposed to take the test. Yes... I am praising myself. =P Go f*ck yourself if you don't believe in such things.
Where am I on this whole 'you' thing?
Well, I'll be honest and admit that I've been watching things from afar. But with no malicious intent. More like with cautious apprehension. I know she's going through a tough time, and even though I don't fully understand what's going on, I still want to help. But wanting something for somebody and being wanted are two different things. Yesterday, I caved in and wished her well because that was the least I could do. And this morning, I read her blog. She's sick; friends seem to be giving her problems; her words seem so defeatist. And all I could think of was how much I wanted to help and support her. But.. my hands are tied.
And her best friend told her that somebody likes her.
I hope I can be happy for her.
I hope I can be happy too.
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