Act 4, Scene 2: A joke

That's exactly what this Semester has become. Haha. Here's Semester-in-Review (SiR) for 2nd semester of my first year. I know it's abit early since results aren't even out yet but I have a good feeling what I predict in the following lines is what I deserve.

Semester started in January with purely Curriculum Studies(CS) and Subject Knowledge(SK) modules/courses. So there were 2 each for the 2 subjects I'm studying to teach i.e. 1 CS and 1 SK for English and 1 CS and 1 SK for Math. Then there was the English for Academic and Professional Purposes (EAPP) module which was compulsory in spite of all the rumours. Haha. So that's like what? 5 modules? Hmm, some people had 7.

Let's do this by subject. For the EAPP one, well, I think I'm gonna suck and get at the very best, a B. I have this deficiency where I can master a skill but when asked to explain or understand its mechanisms, I'm lost. So that's a gone-case scenario. I felt I did badly (in fact I did, I got a low B nearing a C) for the assignment. My format was all wrong; I didn't answer the questions concisely..Hai..That is, at best, a bad memory.

Moving on, Math. Ok, for the SK one, I've got no excuse. This is totally my bad. It was a mixture of my complacency, indifference and a little to do with the change in learning style. Don't get me wrong, my tutor's a great guy. He explains and reviews profusely with us. But I just felt that a little change in his style this semester made me complacent and indifferent. But it's totally my fault. I hardly studied or did the tutorials. I didn't listen during lessons. I talked and surfed the net in class. All the things which could lead me to downfall, I did. =( But I did try my very best for the final exam. Was really nervous so I went to the gym in the morning to sweat out my fear (think I blogged about it earlier). So for this module, I'd give myself, at best also, another B. I doubt I can get a B+ even. Might even get another C.

CS was worst. If I get a B- for this one, I would be more than happy. I totally screwed up my presentation by doing the wrong topic and *insert a worse phrase than totally screwed up* my test. I failed TWO math tests this semester. One in SK and one in CS. Hai.. So for this one, I'd project a C or C-. Let's not talk about it further. I just wanna bury this one. (Oh and I did an 18 page Lesson Plan for this one)

Finally, English. Supposedly my best subject when I was in school, I could have done Higher English if it was offered. Haha. But this has been a roller-coaster semester for my best subject, although there were more dives than ascendences. SK was rough. We had two assignments to do, I scored a B- for one. I was expecting it because I forgot to decorate the piece. But I totally felt that my choice of text was appropriate. I dunno why he scored me so badly then. Think combined with the exam, I'd get a B.

CS was a tad better. I volunteered to be class rep after a tense 5-minute Mexican standoff between my tutor and the indifferent class. Haha. I kinda enjoy watching the verbal sparring we have each week and being the class rep, I get to sit quietly in my corner and not get asked too many questions. Haha. Though, I did build up a sizeable dislike for myself because of the preferential treatment I got. But then they had a chance to volunteer to be class rep and they didnt, so is it my fault? =P Anyway, I had lots of chances to do what I was best at in this module and I really liked it. I had lots of chances to act and present. =) And I got my role as a fat, bumbling burglar down to a 'T'. And I also had a chance to use my English skills to con my way out of alot of presentations. Basically, if you wanna survive in this module, learn these two skills: paraphrasing and speaking with confidence. Maintain EYE CONTACT with your audience at all time, even if you're getting the sh*t scared out of you. If they see that confidence, they will probably think the words coming out of your mouth make sense instead of just being a load of horse-crap, which in my case, was. Cos everything I was telling them came out of the book, just in a different phrase or word structure. Haha. Best grade, a B+, I think.

So my GPA is probably gonna lie between 2.5 and 3. Hai..I'm so gonna suck la. I had a 3.75 GPA in the first semester with straight As for my SK Math. =(

Ok, so what was the problem then? Why did this happen? And why did I allow this to happen?

I think my first major mistake was my complacency. This is something I have experienced before and luckily, I had time back then, to make amends. So I shall have to overcome this problem in my next semester.

Secondly, I didn't set aside enough time to understand and practise what I was doing. As compared to the first semester, the time I had spent on my work this semester would not even be a quarter of the time I spent last semester. Hai..

Thirdly, I was too distracted by everything that was going on around me. In the first semester, I had something to prove to myself and this problem can be linked to the first one; complacency. Maybe feeling that I had already proven myself for the first semester, I could take a break in this one. But I was wrong and I've paid for it. Like I always told Dzuhri, my eye was not on the prize. In fact, I had totally lost sight of it sometimes.

I also noticed a shift in my priorities this semester. A bad shift. I was hanging out with friends too much; I wasn't paying attention; and I didn't study. Religiously, I also stopped praying in school, alot. I used to pray daily in school but this semester, I kept making excuses that I would go home and pray after school ends at 1130-1230 on most days but end up hanging out with friends or sleeping when I got home. I really felt lost sometimes and I miss the serenity I felt when I sat in the musollah for hours on end during my break either reading the Yaasin or the Quran. Hai... I know that this debt will have to be settled between God and me. But I also remember a Khutbah (Friday sermon) I heard once that said that we should never give up on finding our way back to Islam and that God will never close the door of our hearts to finding its way back. =) This shall be my motivation.

So then the last question is: What are you going to do to better yourself?

This holiday (we have a 2-month break, by the way), I've strived to get fitter and lose some weight. Like my friend Sher said, 'A strong mind starts with a fit body'. I'm not only doing this to look and feel better, but also to get over the 'malas' (lazy) mentality I have been having this semester. So I'm visiting the school gym on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays at 9-plus and staying on til about 12. Why so long you ask? Well, I usually warm up with a 1.6 km run on the treadmills, work on my Quadriceps (thigh muscles) with squats or leg presses, then I move on to work on my deltoids (shoulders) and various arm muscles. I usually end off with calf stretches, chest work or free weights before I hit the treadmill again for another 1.6 km run. On alternate days (Tuesdays and Thursdays) I try to go cycling or hitting the water for my swim. This is followed up with free weights and push ups at home working on the chest and arm muscles again. I need to start work on my midsection too but I just hate the strain I feel when working muscles I haven't worked in so long. But gotta ah.

Also, I'm gonna start eating less and detoxifying more. I lost some 8kg in two months with exercise and eating till I'm 70% full last year. And I felt great. I really want to get back to that. Also, I think I'll need to up my intake of fruits and vegetables. But I just hate vegetables la...Haha..NEED TO...

Hmm, what else?...I think I shall start cycling to the mosque in the morning for Subuh prayers and at night for Isyak. I really miss just sitting for hours reading the Quran and hear it being read. Sometimes, I'd pull the translated version alongside the normal one and read them one sentence at a time to understand what I'm reading. I know I cannot repay that which I have lost, but I can make amends so that in future, I do not lose more right? =)

I think that shall be it for now. It's a plan and it will not work till I put it to action. But we gotta start somewhere. =)

Have a great holiday, guys from school. For all you normal people, try and have a great day everyday yea? No point going through the day worrying about the next when the next doesn't even know it exists. So pick yourselves up, dust yourselves off and keep pushing.

Finally, for Nur, I'm glad I have a friend. =)